Watch you Crumble
by Ugawa
Summary: 'Konoha Corps. That's what they called us. A prestigious, undercover school for the new generation of agents. As first generation, we were the test subjects; the children of secret, offered up to train. Offered to the school so they could create a curriculum. Not many survived the harsh first year. They'd no idea how delicate a child's psyche could be.' [Torture/Murder]
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so, I still have the last chapters of Double Reflection that need editing and posting, but I fancied doing something a little different. This isn't going to have many chapters. I just wanted to get my creative juices flowing without worrying too much about plot or editing. In fact, I wasn't going to post this, but I thought maybe someone would enjoy it, so what the hell? I have a rough idea where it's going, but this is more to get me back into writing. So I don't pretend that it's going to be amazing, but it would be nice to know if at least one person enjoys it, I suppose, it would make it feel worthwhile.**

* * *

 _I Don't Enjoy to Watch you Crumble_

* * *

I brush my fingers against clammy skin on his arm, and breathe slowly to take in his scent. I want it etched into my nostrils. I don't want to forget this musty, sweet smell. He curls tightly into the purple silk blanket that surrounds us, and I move a stray blond lock that sticks to his cheek.

He really is beautiful. Mind, body and soul. I peer at him through the darkness, eyes adjusting enough to see his skin glow ever so slightly in the moonlight coming from the unclosed curtains.

My arm brings him closer to my chest as I pull our bodies together, and I dig my face into the crook of his neck. When my alarm rings, I pull back from his warmth. He stirs, eyes fluttering open, before blinking in consciousness. The tan in his skin doesn't exist within this light, the darkness does not permit it. The dips of his muscle are still there, and they flex as he stretches and rubs a hand over his face.

"Morning," I whisper, and he replies with an incoherent ramble under his breath. I hear my name, but nothing more. I kiss his ear, and an arm raises sluggishly to rub against my face.

"Morning," he eventually mumbles back.

I don't want to leave the comfort of our bed. I want to stay entwined against his body forever, but I slip out from the covers and busy myself with showering and changing for work. I change into my mission clothing, barely looking away from his form underneath the duvet. I want to remember everything. My bodyweight dips the mattress when I crawl onto the bed. "I'm leaving," I say into his ear.

"Hmm," he murmurs. "Stay safe."

I don't reply straight away. This is one mission I must take alone. There's a rat in the organisation, and for me to go covert undetected, I have to fake my death. It has to be believable, and so does Naruto's reaction.

He can't know the truth.

I'd dabbled with the idea of leaving a note, just so he would know I was safe, but there could be no slip ups. I had to be dead, to everyone apart for Kakashi.

"I love you," I whisper, but I don't think he hears me. His breaths already even out. I leave the apartment, closing the door, and my life with Naruto, behind me.

* * *

 **THREE YEARS EARLIER**

* * *

I slammed the riffle against the metal table and pulled the blindfold from my face. Bright lights invaded my senses as the classroom came into focus, and I stood to signal the completion of my test. The clatter of metal hitting against metal floated around the room as other boys stand. I didn't move; I barely breathed as Mr. Kakashi inspected the weapons and ticked off names from a clipboard.

The silver haired man stopped in front of me to inspect the riffle. His one good eye examined the large gun. "Very good, Sasuke. A new record," he said, before turning to move on.

"Thank you, sir."

Konoha Corps. That's what they called us. A prestigious, undercover school for the new generation of agents. As first generation, we were the test subjects; the children of secret, offered up to train. Offered to the school so they could create a curriculum. Not many survived the harsh first year. They'd no idea how delicate a child's psyche could be. So many broke, ending up on the psych-ward, or worse, in a coffin. The training schedule eased by the second year, but it was too late, the damage had been done.

My father, head of the covert-mission department in Konoha corporation had enrolled me. My older brother had been the gem in his eyes, already entrusted missions from the age of thirteen. I supposed he'd wanted the same for me. And so this is where he'd dumped me, and this is where I'd grown up from the age of eleven. Day in, day out, we woke, trained and went to bed. That was our life, that's how we survived, and in five years nothing really happened to differ the situation.

I was first generation; the best student the school had. I was told I'd go places and that's what I believed. I had no reason to think otherwise, that was, until a new student appeared one day, throwing everything into the air.

I placed my shoulder bag into my locker, pulled out a couple books for Intel Extraction class and closed the cold, metal door. Gaara leaned against the lockers, books already clutched to his side. "Ready?" he asked. I nodded, and we made our way silently to last period. I supposed we were friends, he was the closest to one I had. "I've heard we have a new recruit." I doubted he'd _heard_ that information. He spent most his free time undetected in Konoha corps' mainframe system. Never too great in combat, but was a hacking genius.

"A new recruit?" Odd, we'd had people leave the academy, but never enter, and so close to graduation.

"Hmm," he hummed, falling silent as we turned a corner and passed a group of younger generations laughing and joking. I wondered if they had any idea what the place had been like before their time. Now, the children were given respite. They were allowed to leave. They no longer undertook certain training until they'd been tested. The teachers were no longer allowed to torture a child under the age of sixteen. It had been written into the curriculum; it was now exclusively for graduation year students.

I watched two forth generation kids nudge each other before pointing at Gaara and myself. With so few of us left, it was abnormal to see a first generation recruit in the hallway, let alone two together. We were viewed as tough, cold. Stories and rumours floated around the academy. We'd been forced to kill one another, we had been genetically tested on, that's why we were so guarded, emotionless, or so they'd whisper.

"His father's an assassin, affiliated with the government, apparently."

"Apparently..." We walked momentarily in silence through the bright corridor. Metal covered the floors, the walls. They kept us contained. Gaara's grey uniform was ripped to his elbows, blood staining the frayed material. "Combat training not going so well?"

"That Kiba is an animal." He shrugged. "It's not like I'd be sent into the field, anyway."

"This recruit," I asked. "I'm assuming he has been trained if he's entering graduation year."

"I'd assume you assume correct. Perhaps we will find out." We entered the classroom, and Gaara's head nudge to the front row of desks. A blond tuft of hair poked out from the neck of a grey uniform. He sat still, facing the one-way glass mirror at the front of the room. Hands folded together, pen already clutched between his fingers. We placed ourselves at the back, and weren't the only ones watching the new boy. Every time a body entered, their pace slowed, eyes locking onto the blond. There was no noise, but the tension could be cut with a knife. I wondered if he sensed it - all the eyes piercing the back of his skull. If he did, he didn't let it show.

The lights dimmed when Mr. Baki entered, leaving tiny glows emanating from desk lamps perched at every table. The light reflected ever so slightly off the metal in the tables and walls. I flicked my book open, and waited for him to acknowledge the new member, but he didn't. Today was like every other day, we weren't going to get an introduction.

"Alright, boys. Please turn to page fifty-eight." His features held shadows in the classroom's dim light, but a halo-like glow appeared around him as he flicked a light-switch, illuminating the one-way glass. Gaara's pen creaked between his fingers. Backs straightened behind chairs. Kiba and Lee twitched, it was miniscule, but I noticed the tiny spasm. Baki always received this reaction when the one-way glass lit up to reveal a tiny, white room with two chairs and one wooden desk. His lips twisted into a tiny smirk, and I wondered if he found the response amusing. The only body that didn't flinch was that of the blond boy at the front. "We are going to conduct a practical exercise. We have spent this month learning how to remove yourself through meditation… and how to break someone's attempts to keep Intel contained."

He handed out sheets for note-taking. "Within the field, if you are captured, the enemy will not go easy because you are kids. They will want to know who you work for, and how much you know. And so, all you can hope for is rescue or an easy death." He moved back to the front of the classroom. "And trust me, if you reveal any Intel on this organisation, you'd wish you had chosen death. So we teach you how to keep your mouths shut until you are freed, or die. However, no one will get close to death today. We don't want any incidents like last time. This is a practical, not a test."

Incidents... I peeked sideways, noticing the already pale face beside me turn more translucent. Gaara had spent three weeks in the infirmary after the last 'incident'.

After my parents died, I had nothing but the academy. I couldn't let anything stop me passing that test. Gaara wouldn't be sent on field-missions, anyway, he wasn't built for it, and his smarts would've led him to an office job behind the scenes. So I figured he'd give the Intel easily. Thirty-six hours later, Baki called the test to an end. We both passed, but it took months for Gaara to come close to me again.

"You." Baki finally acknowledged the blond boy. "Have you learned any of this?"

"Probably not. I didn't learn from a curriculum. I've been shown the quickest ways to extract information, though." His voice was raspy, low. My ears prickled. It didn't hold the same lack-lustre tone the rest of ours' did, but still, it felt almost familiar.

Baki nodded. "Very well. Let's see what happens. Get up, you too Uchiha. I need to know what he can do, going against you should give me an indication of what I'm working with." He passed me an envelope and ushered us through a door that led to the small, white room.

His face held scars resembling whiskers, and his blond hair feathered his face ever so slightly. The speakers around the room crackled and Baki's voice filled my ears. We could no longer see the class, the mirror now only held our reflections, but they were there, watching our every move. "Sasuke, take a look inside the envelope. They are the words he is attempting to pull from you."

"I'm not quite sure what you want me to do?" The blond boy spoke again.

The speakers crackled. "You have free reign. You weren't here for training, so I just want to see your instincts."

I removed the card from the envelope and read the words, before screwing it up and throwing it over my shoulder. I took a seat at the desk and waited for the walls to open to reveal every tool this boy would want or need. Little shelves removed themselves, and I watched the boy walk over to examine the gifts he'd just been given.

"I'm Naruto, by the way," he said over his shoulder, and my eyes trailed over his body within the uniform. I wondered if it was tight, or if his muscles were just that big beneath the grey material. An assassins son? I wondered how efficiently he'd been trained. He turned, twisting a kunai between his fingers as a six barrelled revolver sat in his other hand. "And you must be Sasuke." He grinned at me then. The gesture held no malice. His cheeks tugged upward, and the blue in his eyes swam like an ocean on his face. "I hope we can be friends."

Friends? What an odd thing to say, especially at a moment like this.

"But that would depend," he continued. "On whether or not you're going to give me those words… because, I know Mr. Baki said there would be no deaths today, but he also said I have free reign, and so if you cooporate, there won't be any body bags needed."

I scoffed. I hadn't revealed Intel since first year. That practical had been to watch infiltration of the psyche. Baki lead the Intel extraction; at eleven, I'd had no hope.

"Oh, come on." His grin slipped into a small smile. "Don't be like that." The kunai swung around his finger by the loop on the end. "This place is pretty cool, you know. It sure beats following my dad around the world. I've been given a proper bed here." He let out a little laugh.

What an idiot. He walked behind me, and I watched his reflection in the one-way mirror. Breath ghosted over my neck when he spoke, sending pin pricks across my shoulders and down my arms. "I'm assuming we're not doing this the easy way, so let's just get started." He grabbed my wrist, placing it against the table. I grunted when the tip of the kunai embedded itself into my hand, through the skin and muscle between the thumb and index finger. I attempted to rip my limb back, but it held tight against the desk where the knife dug into the wood.

I winced, feeling my eyes and lips twitch against the pain, but I didn't make another noise.

"Don't worry." Naruto appeared again. "There'll be no lasting damage. I missed all vital veins, it's just to keep you still." He twisted the gun's barrel, letting six bullets fall and clink against the table. He picked one and showed it to me, before slotting it into a chamber with a little click and spin. "I don't want to kill you, Sasuke, but you're only going to have, at the very most, five chances to give me those words."

He wouldn't.

He couldn't just shoot me on his first day... but then again, I didn't know this boy, maybe he had no qualms in pulling that trigger and ending my life.

He relaxed into the chair opposite mine, gun hanging loosely in one hand as it sat inches from my brain. His head tilted, smile never leaving his face as his eyes scrunched.

He was trying to scare me. Showing force with the kunai meant I'd believe he would pull the trigger. I sniffed out a small laugh, as if I'd be stupid enough to-

 _Click_.

He pulled the trigger and the empty barrel rotated to the next. I blinked. He'd actually pulled it.

"That's, at the very most, four more chances, I suppose, neh, Sasuke?"

My heartbeat echoed. What the fuck? He'd actually pulled the trigger. So did that mean he really didn't care whether he killed me or not? My eyes flicked to the one-way mirror. Baki wouldn't let this happen?

He poked the knife sticking my hand to the desk, and I winced.

"Why won't you speak to me? You haven't said a word the whole time we've been in here." The smile fell from his face, and he bit the corner of his thumb, chewing off a dead piece of skin. "That's all I want. Just a few words. Until after class, then we can be friends."

He really was an idiot. Maybe he was a sociopath… perhaps even a psychopath. We'd learned about those types. If he was one, perhaps he really would shoot me. His eyes still held no malice, but also no fear in shooting a stranger in the head.

"Just a few words, Sasuke… three, two, one."

I sucked in air, but didn't steal my eyes from the gun hanging close to my face. I couldn't show a sign of weakness. I held a passive look against my features, hoping he wouldn't see my resolve wavering. One glimpse of fear, and he'd know I'd break sooner or later. If he thought I wouldn't speak, maybe he'd give up before this went too far.

 _Click._

I couldn't control the flinch, or the bead of sweat threatening to fall from my hairline. My hand burned as blood rushed to the wound, pooling over the table, drenching my fingers in red.

"You must have great luck. I don't think I've gotten passed the third shot many times." He raised his eyebrows. "Let's see."

 _Click_.

He grinned as my head flew sideways.

"Wow." His eyes held an almost child-like curiosity. "You really are lucky."

He was insane. Shit. Fuck. The bead of sweat fell and my fingers twitched against the red table. He was going to shoot me… but that would be against the whole point of the exercise. The point was to destroy someone's resolve, not just shoot them if they didn't tell you what you wanted to hear. That… that made no sense, because then they'd be dead, and you'd get no information. Maybe he didn't care.

"What did the card say?" he asked. The cold tip of the gun touched me, and my cheeks trembled as it swept across my lips, passed my chin until it sat against my heart. He watched the weapon as it moved across my skin. The intensity shinning within his eyes was immense. His blue orbs now held no sign of light-heartedness. He was readying himself.

All memory of anyone else behind the wall disappeared. A large ball of saliva slid my throat. I'd never live it down if I revealed what was on the card so easily. There was no mental torture, no physical pain apart for the knife in my hand. But if I didn't give him the words, I'd be dead.

 _Click_.

His chuckles filled the room as if I'd just said something amusing. "Oh, my god. Sasuke, I really thought you were going to die that time."

One chance left. Shit. He was right, I was lucky to have gotten so far. What would be worse? Failing… or dying? I didn't fear death, but over a practical… it all felt so unnecessary. Father had wanted me to go out into the world, make a name for myself, just as my brother had. What would he say if he knew I'd died so stupidly?

"Sasuke." Naruto's lips twisted back into a smile. "Please don't let me kill you."

My teeth ground together. I'd never buckle to an idiot like him. My pride wouldn't allow it. I wasn't 'letting' him do anything. We were at a stalemate now. Who would bail first?

"Sasuke." My name came from his mouth in an almost sing-song tone. "I really do think this is your last chance. I've never gone passed the fifth shot before. There'd be no shame in telling me. People are either dead or spilling their guts by now, so I'm impressed."

My teeth creaked under the stress. Was he patronising me? I narrowed my eyes, but they widened again when the gun flew back to my skull.

He sighed. "Hmm, that's disappointing. I'm sorry, really, I am."

His tanned finger moved against the trigger.

"Wait." Fuck. The word appeared before my brain kicked into gear. This was an exercise, for fuck's sake, it wasn't worth my life. If this was a real situation, I'd take the bullet. But I refused to die like this.

"Wait?" His grin widened and the gun lowered to the table. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

My lips moved, letting out a murmur.

"What was that?" he leaned closer.

He had definitely cheated… this wasn't the point of the practical.

"I said," louder than necessary, through gritted teeth. "You win."

He blinked. "I win?"

"It's what the card said, moron."

"Ahh." He stood and turned toward the one-way glass, but twisted halfway to raise the gun back to my face. I flinched when he pulled the trigger twice, before removing a bullet from his sleeve. He threw it against the table, and I watched it bounce. "Thank you, Sasuke."

I hated him instantly. His grin, that care-free attitude that radiated from his very core. He hadn't lied. He did expect a friendship, and attempted as soon as the class ended. He followed when I told him to get lost. He always did. I found it incredibly irritating, but Gaara, he found the boy amusing, and it wasn't long before I'd see the two chatting. Naruto gave Gaara tips during circuit training and it wasn't long before Gaara was showing him how to infiltrate firewalls that even NASA couldn't protect against.

"Hey, Sasuke, look," he said once while we sat in Computer tech. Gaara hadn't arrived yet, and I'd already finished my programming for the term. I still had to tweak here and there, but since Naruto hadn't been at the academy very long, he had a lot of coursework to catch up on. "Does this look right?" I twisted my head to view his screen. "Every time I attempt to block the virus, this happens." He clicked a few buttons, and the monitor freaked out. Thousands of tiny numbers and symbols flew across the screen, before the whole thing went blue and cut out. "Ugh," he groaned. "I just don't get it."

"Figure it out yourself," I mumbled, leaning back on my chair. I wasn't helping, in fact, I never even said he could occupy the seat beside me, but that's where he'd plonked himself after the bell for second period rang.

"Gaara would help me," he murmured, resetting the computer to try again.

"I'm not Gaara."

"Hmm, I've noticed." His arms folded across his chest, and I watched from the corner of my eye as his gaze moved to my face. "You're not still sore about that, are you?"

I felt my eyes narrow at my own monitor. I assumed 'that' was him holding an empty gun to my head, letting me think he was some kind of psychopath who was going to kill me. Yes, I was completely still sore about 'that'. I'd re-entered the classroom that day, only to see amusement in my peers' eyes. He'd caught me off guard. I'd failed the exercise. And there was nothing I could've done about it. "No," I said, letting the muscles around my cheekbones soften. I didn't want him to catch onto the fact I was still highly pissed about 'that'.

His chair wheeled closer and his features shifted inches from mine. "You're lying, but that's okay, I heard it took Gaara months to forgive you, so I'll wait."

My shoulders dipped a few centimetres. "He told you about that?"

"Hmm," he hummed. "He said something about you being a hypocrite for being pissed at me, especially after what you did to him." He leaned closer… so close I could feel his breath on me again. "I heard it was a lot worse."

I shoved him away. "That was different. It was a test, failing would've affected my grade at the end of graduation."

"I suppose a grade is worth ripping your friends teeth out, huh?"

My jaw tightened. If Gaara hadn't been so stubborn, it wouldn't have happened. Of course I didn't want to do that. I thought just the idea would scare him into telling me the Intel, especially after the first one slipped from his gum, almost choking him with hot, thick blood. But it didn't. Once I'd told him the plan I couldn't go back on my word. I would've failed instantly.

"Come on, just a little hint."

"Damare, Baka," I said, in one of many languages the school had taught us.

"Watashi mo Nihongo o hanasu koto ga dekimasu… teme."

"Tch. Urusai."

Was he… sulking? His arms folded across his chest, and he turned his face away. Sometimes I wondered how the hell his father had trained him, because he acted like no recruit I'd ever seen before. Not even the younger years acted as childishly as he did sometimes, and it really made me wonder what was wrong with him. He'd come here, acting like a real teenager, and shot to the top of most classes without even trying. It pissed me off to no end. And that smile, I'd never seen someone's face show exactly how they felt as much as Naruto's did… and that pissed me off even more.

That smile invaded his face again, making his whisker-like scars spread farther across his skin. "Gaara," he called when the redhead entered. "Help me, please. Sour-puss here won't." His thumb entered my personal-space as he shot it in my direction.

The redhead didn't say much, just shooed him from the monitor. His pale face lit up as the screen flickered with tiny boxes and lengthy streams of code. He explained what was wrong, and Naruto wrapped his arm around the thin shoulders. Gaara tensed. Physical contact was usually only displayed in combat, and it was evident by the bruises and cuts always littering his pale skin, that he wasn't the best at warding off attacks.

He let go, still grinning, and I saw amusement in those teal eyes. He definitely liked Naruto, Gaara wasn't one to just put up with someone. I stared at the blond-haired-wonder, but I supposed it was hard not to unless you held a grudge. He was so different from everyone else; in looks and demeanour. He was the only normalcy in this place, and that really wasn't anything to preach about, considering what the place was. "So, what're we doing tonight?"

"What do you mean?" Gaara asked, genuinely confused by the question.

"It's Friday. We don't have classes tomorrow, so we have to do something. You know, like get out of here."

"There is no getting out," I said, revelling slightly in the frown I had produced on his usually happy face.

"I haven't been outside since I got here."

"We can't. Not unless your parents come to take you for the weekend."

"What do you mean we can't? I've seen students leave."

"Our generation can't." I specified.

"But why?"

"I suppose it's an experiment." Gaara turned his own computer monitor on and plugged in a few devices he had been working on. "They won't know if it makes us better or worse soldiers until we leave, but they'll compare us to the rest of the generations."

"That's so shit." Naruto paused a moment, finger tapping lightly at a few keys. "So, you can't leave unless your parents come? What happens if they don't?"

"Then you don't leave," I said a little too quickly. I hadn't seen the sky for almost five years. Gaara rarely got to leave. I wondered if that's why we were so pale in comparison to Naruto. I'd always thought he was extremely tanned. But maybe… he was normal, and we were just overly white.

"So you're telling me you've spent almost five years here, training to be undercover agents, and you've never figured out how to get out?" He laughed. "That's the first thing I would've done. I'm not staying underground until we graduate. No way. I refuse."

"There is a way," Gaara said. "There's a couple corridors that the security systems don't reach. I noticed this a few years ago, but I'd never considered leaving."

"Which ones?"

"I don't think any good would come from telling you that. I don't think you realise what they'd do if they found out we'd disobeyed orders. It really isn't worth considering."

"You guys are no fun."

No, perhaps we weren't, but Naruto hadn't been around long enough to know how hard the academy could be. They were more lenient on the younger years, but first generation had learned not to disobey. There was no need for punishment any more, because no one put a foot out of line. Naruto's resolve was strong, I'd learned this during our many classes, but not even he would cope with Konoha punishment. I'd refused once, and only once. So had Gaara. We never refused again.

It would have been snowing outside, I was sure of it. The academy was quieter now. Many children had left for Christmas period. We got two weeks off a year, mainly because families complained about not spending the holidays with their children. Some remained behind. Either their parents were somewhere in the world working, or they had no parents to come pick them up any more. I'd said my goodbyes to Gaara that morning just before his brother arrived to collect him. It was brief, but I'd made the effort.

Just eight more months, and I could also leave, but Konoha Corps would still own me. I trailed my fingers along the Glock 22 sitting in its holder against the wall. This training wasn't cheap, and even though it had not been my decision to enrol, I would still be the one in hundreds of thousands of pounds of debt. And that debt would be paid off mission by mission. But I supposed someone had to do it.

I entered a small cubicle and placed the plastic glasses over my face and thick muffs over my ears. I tucked my black hair away and lifted the gun to head-height. I watched as a tiny hole appeared in the centre square of the target.

My eyes narrowed, focusing on the many targets that littered my view. Finger constantly tightening and releasing around the trigger. I supposed this time of year would've been harder if Father hadn't enrolled me. Maybe if I hadn't been here, I'd feel the pain of losing a family. Many of us had been diagnosed with secondary alexythemia before the first year ended. I still remembered sitting in that pure white room, watching as the nurses entered with clipboards.

I pulled the trigger a few more times, hitting the centre targets effortlessly.

A wall built up so high, even we couldn't get to our emotion any more. That's what she'd said, but I'd just nodded, not really caring, more focused on getting out the infirmary and back into class. All I'd had left was Father's dream for me to be the best. Following a brother who was continuously better. That's why I hated Naruto so much. He'd just entered the academy in our last year, full of laughter, smiles, emotions, and everything came so easily to him. At first I saw him as a rival, but it wasn't long before I could see he was leaving me behind as well. To him, I wouldn't have even been competition.

When a hand wrapped around my shoulder, I jumped and grabbed a large bicep before slamming a body into the cubicle wall. Gun pushing into blond hair as my finger twitched against the trigger, but I didn't relax when I realised who it was. I stood, fixated, as his hands flew up. His mouth opened and closed, but I couldn't hear him through the earmuffs. He paused, and looked at the red and black plastic around my head. His eyes gazed into mine, and he moved, ever so slowly, until he removed the cushioned noise blockers. "Hey," he said. "I was just saying that your shooting was impressive." He winced when the gun dug harder into his skull.

I didn't know why I was doing this. I couldn't even rationalise it myself. I guess, I just wanted to see the same look in his eyes that must've shown in mine that day. I wanted him to contemplate death. Perhaps think that there was a chance his life could end, and that decision would be mine. But that look never entered those blue orbs, and that pissed me off again.

"Come on, it's just me," he said, his fingers dug into my hand that wound around the front of his uniform. I wasn't stupid, I knew exactly who it was. "So, just put the gun down."

My eyes narrowed, but I didn't have the chance to pull the trigger even if I had really wanted to. He forced my hand into the air, gun pointing to the ceiling, as his body pushed forward, pinning me to the opposite cubicle wall. "What the hell is your problem?" he shouted. "I've been nothing but nice to you, and all you do is act like this."

"Nothing but nice? Is that what you call threatening to kill me over a stupid exercise."

"For fuck's sake, Sasuke. The gun wasn't even loaded." That made it worse. "You've said it wasn't a test, but it was to me. It was my first day, what do you think would've happened if I'd shown weakness?"

"If I hadn't failed you would've looked weak, and stupid for not having that gun loaded." I struggled against his grip, but he held me tight against the wall.

That playful look enter his eyes before the smile hit his face. "But I knew you'd tell me."

I growled and attempted to lift my knee against his groin, but he forced his body closer into mine to avoid the attack.

"Don't get me wrong, Sasuke. I know I wouldn't get away with it now, but you didn't know me then. For all you knew, I would've killed you, and I assumed no one was stupid enough to risk getting shot over an exercise. Just admit it, you can't stand the fact that someone bested you. That's what all this is about."

"No, shut the fuck up, idiot. You have no idea what you're talking about." Fuck him, and his stupid fucking strength. I wriggled again, but only managed to drop the gun. It clattered against the floor.

"I think I know exactly what I'm talking about. So come on, just admit it."

I gave up struggling. There was no point, he was stronger than me, the muscles underneath his uniform was double the size of my own. I supposed there were advantages to being out in the real world. "It's all I have… had, until you came along and took it away." His grip lightened momentarily, and I took that second to shove him away. "So I'm sorry if I don't want to be all friendly with you, but you took away the only thing I had left.

"I was going to graduate top of the class, I was going to be the best soldier this experiment had created." After the news of Mother and Father's death, it was the only thing keeping me going. I was going to make them proud, and this blond idiot took that away from me. "And then you come along, acting like you don't have a care in the world, and shoot to the top of almost every class without even suffering like we had. It's just… it's just..." I couldn't stop now I'd started, I needed someone to ram something into my mouth to get me to shut up, but that wasn't going to happen. "It's just not fair."

Silence enveloped us, and I sat on a table that a couple of riffles rested against. I ran a hand through my hair, before realising the shooting goggles were still on my face. I ripped them off and threw them across the floor. I hadn't felt this tired in years. I hadn't revealed this much emotion in years, and it had completely worn me out.

His feet padded across the floor, and the table creaked as he sat beside me. "It's okay to be upset," he said, placing his hands into his lap.

"I'm not upset."

He nodded. I wasn't looking at him, but I could sense the movement. "I'm sorry," he said. "I just thought you were annoyed that I'd bested you that time, I didn't think..." He shrugged. "Well, I dunno."

"Whatever," I mumbled. "What're you still doing here, anyway? I thought everyone left this morning."

"Hmm," he hummed. "I think this is the most you've ever said to me." I didn't inquire any further when he changed the subject, I just let it happen… let him think I hadn't noticed.

He followed me like a lost puppy after that. If I was in the library, he'd find me and pull out books to read. If I was in target practice, he would enter the cubicle beside. He never entered mine without me knowing of his presence again. I'd see the bullets flying before realising he had found me. It wasn't until the end of that first week that he came to my room for the first time. I had no idea what dorm he had been assigned to, so how he found me was beyond my knowledge. I wondered if Gaara's little hacking lessons were paying off. I'm sure he would've found that information in the system's mainframe. Or perhaps he'd just followed me one night? Either way, I didn't appreciate the intrusion.

"What do you want?" I asked when he knocked and entered.

"Your room looks just like mine," he said, observing the small single bed in one corner and desk covered in books in the other. Of course, no window, we were underground.

"What do you want?" I repeated, sitting up from my bed and closing the book on poisonous plants I'd been memorising. I peered at the clock ticking on the wall. Eight PM.

He shrugged and situated himself at the end of my bed. His grey shirt was half unbuttoned, revealing the top of a tanned chest. "I was bored. There isn't much to do in this place."

"There's plenty to do," I said, lifting the book I'd been engrossed with. I read a few words, before it disappeared from my hands. Naruto looked over the cover, before dropping it to the floor. I sighed. "What do you want from me?"

He shrugged again, but then I saw that childlike glimmer enter his eyes, and I knew it meant trouble. "I've been thinking about what Gaara said before. There's a couple of corridors that the security systems don't reach."

"That doesn't mean we could get out, though," I said, reading his mind.

He nodded. "Gaara said specifically that there was a way out, meaning the lapse in security must be somewhere where we can leave."

"There is no way, with only six months left, that I'm risking getting caught doing anything against the rules."

Naruto fanned a hand. "Rules-smules. If we got out, wouldn't they be more impressed? Plus, I doubt anyone's really paying that much attention right now. There's like, what, ten students in the whole building right now?"

"Even so..."

He moved closer; crawled across the bed until his face was inches from mine. I tilted my head away. "Come on, Sasuke, when was the last time you did anything fun?" He wouldn't be using the word 'fun' if they caught us.

I sighed. "Even if there was a way, I doubt we'd be able to find it. Gaara is a ten-times better hacker-"

"I already have."

"What?"

"Well." He scratched the back of his head. "I've been bored, so I sort of broke into Gaara's room and searched his computer. They were hidden pretty well, but he has blue prints of this whole place. Ways out. Ways in. The lot." He shrugged when my mouth opened, but I couldn't think of anything to say, apart for, what the hell? "I guess they're just in case he ever had to escape? He's smart, he obviously thought it was better safe than sorry."

"It's still a no."

"Please come with me, Sasuke. I'm going either way, so you might as well get some fresh air."

I shook my head. "I can't believe you hacked into Gaara's computer."

"Trust me, it wasn't easy."

I smiled then. The idea of the blond idiot getting through the redhead's protected files amused me. The tugging at my cheeks felt foreign, and Naruto must've mistaken the look for acceptance of his plan, because he grinned back at me. "This is going to be awesome." He stood and looked around the room. "Do you have a coat? Gloves, hat? It's going to be cold outside."

"I'm not coming with you."

"Don't be silly, of course you are." He tugged open the small wardrobe in the corner of the room. "Where's all your clothes?" he asked, flicking through a couple of grey shirts and trousers that hung beside one another.

"They _are_ my clothes." He frowned, so I elaborated. "I haven't stepped foot outside for almost five years, what would I need warmer clothing for? The temperature in this place never changes, so I have no need for them."

"Oh," was all he could say. "Well, that's okay, just put a couple more layers on, I have some clothes you can borrow." And so he left, returning minutes later with a black coat, hat and gloves hanging loosely in his arms. His own blue coat clung to his body, and his hair was covered by an identical black hat. "Get changed," he said when I stared dumbly at the clothing.

I protested a little longer, but I reasoned in my mind that if he went alone, he'd most definitely get caught, and so when he left my room, I followed with a little grumble. I trailed him through the corridors, around hallways and down stair cases. I would never have admitted this to Naruto, but my heart did speed up a little at the prospect of leaving the academy. I wondered what it looked like outside. I remembered the entrance was in a middle of a secured field, but everything else was fuzzy inside my mind's eye.

When Naruto stopped walking, I skidded to a halt, almost crashing into his back as he threw an arm out to keep me stable. He placed a finger over his lips and pointed down a hallway I couldn't see. A door opened, and footsteps floated through the corridor toward us, before disappearing into another room. He grinned, and grabbed my wrist to speed up our pace.

What must we have looked like that night? Two teenage boys stalking the dark corridors, attempting to break free from a school that kept them locked away. In that moment, I forgot about a punishment. I didn't think about getting caught, I just focused on the idea of fresh air... feeling wind on my face. When we came to an old elevator shaft, he paused. "I think this is it," he said, attempting to wiggle his fingers between the gaps.

"This hasn't been used in years," I said. "It's broken."

"Hmm," he hummed. He managed to squeeze between the two metal doors. "Give me a hand."

I pulled one side as he pulled the other. Our heads stuck out into the dark abyss. I peered down, nothing. I tilted my head up, nothing there, either.

"Right," Naruto said, rubbing his hands together. "Now we climb."

"Climb?" I squinted into the darkness, and my eyes adjusted slightly. I could see the roof of the elevator below, and along the opposite wall, sat metal bars criss-crossing one another.

Naruto didn't answer. His knees bent, and before I had a chance to realise his plan, he'd jumped, hit the opposite wall and grabbed tightly to one of the bars. It creaked under his weight, but held. He placed a foot on the bar below and shimmied up the wall to give me room to grab hold.

"You're insane," I said.

"Yeah, probably," was his answer. "But I've gotten out of tougher places than this. I was thrown down a well in Russia once… now _that_ was difficult to get out of." His knees bent and hands raised to grab higher bars when he climbed.

Looked easy enough, I supposed. So I followed suit. Climbed to the top of the shaft and held onto Naruto as he let go of the bars to push open the exit. It lifted easily, obviously where the elevator used to leave, and a gust of cold air hit my skin. Naruto climbed onto the grass above and lowered his hand for me to grab hold. I did, and he pulled me to my feet.

My gaze roamed the field. It was dark, it was cold, but it was beautiful. I breathed in, not caring that the frost in the air was stinging my lungs like little needles. I blinked a few times, not believing this was real.

"What're you thinking?" Naruto asked after a while.

I shrugged, mainly because I couldn't pin down one thought before it mixed with another. Childhood memories, my family, my training, they all mingled together, creating a heavy weight in my chest.

"Come on," he said, and before I could protest, he'd wound his fingers around mine. A part of me wanted him to let go. Men didn't hold hands; that was for children and lovers. But another part wanted to keep the warmth. So I allowed it, and followed him as we strolled across the field. He directed us as I lifted my face toward the sky. I didn't remember the stars being so large, but I supposed that may be because I'd come from a city. Or maybe I'd just never paid that much attention. I guessed it wasn't something you thought about when you could see them most nights.

We paused when entering a circle of trees around a lake. The moon hung within the water, waving ever so slightly as ripples danced across the surface. I dipped my finger into the cold liquid and sat against a rock.

"I can't believe we did this," I said mainly to myself when Naruto perched beside me, arms wrapped around himself to huddle some warmth into his body. I was freezing, also, but I didn't care. When was the last time I'd even shivered? I frowned when I remembered.

"You okay?" Naruto asked. "Your frowning."

"I'm just remembering something."

"Doesn't look like anything good by the look on your face."

I shook my head, feeling a little dizzy. "No... the reason I didn't want to come in the first place."

"Oh?"

"Hmm." This time I hummed.

"Do you mind me asking the reason?" I turned my gaze away from the lake and watched the moon now wave in a blue ocean on Naruto's face. His tan was no longer visible, and for a moment, I wondered how pale I must've looked.

"There's a reason Gaara is the only person who I consider a… friend. I suppose, we sort of… latched onto each other within our first year." I swallowed. "It was… difficult."

When I didn't continue, Naruto spoke. "You ripped out half his teeth, beat and humiliated him for thirty-six hours and he forgave you." He nodded. "I know there's some bond stronger between you than meets the eye. I know I act stupid, but I'm not."

I winced at the bluntness in his words, and scrunched my nose even farther when Gaara's screams echoed through my mind. "I didn't want to do those things." I gazed back at the lake, a cloud covered the moon, turning the water into a black hole. "If I failed that test… they make you retake it until you pass. Gaara knew that as well, which is why he didn't give up any information. I suppose… he'd rather it have been by my hand than someone else's. Believe it or not, but if I hadn't done it, it could've been a whole lot worse. They wouldn't have stopped us if they didn't believe it was going too far. Gaara could've suffered for days longer. Some did."

I looked at Naruto, who sat calmly, waiting for me to continue. "During our first week here, we were told we needed to know what it felt like to be shot. And so when they placed the gun into my hand and told me to shoot the 'redhead', I refused. They'd grabbed it from me and gave it to him, he also refused, so they used us as deterrents… subjects within training."

"What do you mean?" Naruto said, voice sounding oh so quiet against the sound of the ripples hitting the lake's edge.

"They don't do it to the younger generations any more, but once or twice a month we would have a special class. They technically called it Resolve Training, but it wasn't. Sort of like Intel Extraction, but one-hundred times worse. They would teach us how to omit enough torture not to kill and how to withstand it. And if you broke the rules, you would be the subject during those classes. By second year, no one put a foot out of line, and so your name would be picked randomly."

"Are you serious? So you and Gaara..."

I nodded. "For most the first year. They calmed it down a bit after losing half the student body within six months, but it still happens. They only permit it within graduation year's curriculum now."

"Our year?"

"Yeah, we don't always know when it's going to happen, but after Christmas is usually a safe bet."

He nodded. And I wondered if we thought the same. "It's going to be me, isn't it?"

I didn't say anything. I didn't have to. He was new, he'd have to take it at least once to graduate. He nodded again.

"Naruto, can I ask you something?"

"Sure?"

"You've obviously been trained in the field, so why you here, why now?"

He sighed. "That's a long story, Sasuke. And I'm not sure if it's the right time to go into all of that."

And so we didn't. I didn't pry further. I felt a little put-out after telling him so much, but if it wasn't the right time, then I respected that. I watched the moonlight dance on his skin a little longer. When he looked at me, I turned back toward the lake. We didn't speak much after that; just sat, taking in the sweet smell of frosted grass. I was disappointed when it was time to head back inside, but we couldn't stay out all night. A tiny part of me thought about running away. It technically wasn't a prison, but would they allow that? After one last look at the stars, I descended the elevator shaft.

* * *

R&R

Ugawa

xx


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, so, I still have the last chapters of Double Reflection that need editing and posting, but I fancied doing something a little different. This isn't going to have many chapters. I just wanted to get my creative juices flowing without worrying too much about plot or editing. In fact, I wasn't going to post this, but I thought maybe someone would enjoy it, so what the hell? I have a rough idea where it's going, but this is more to get me back into writing. So I don't pretend that it's going to be amazing, but it would be nice to know if at least one person enjoys it, I suppose, it would make it feel worthwhile.**

 **Thank you for the reviews on the last chapter, they are greatly appreciated. It is always lovely to know that there are people sat out there enjoying my work and being entertained.**

 **And just in case anyone would be interested: This fic is named after a Placebo song - Begin the End. (It's worth a listen.)**

 **[ _WARNING_ ] A large portion of this chapter is a torture scene. I have not made it overly graphic, but I feel a mention is justified. [ _WARNING_ ]**

* * *

 _I Don't Enjoy to Watch you Crumble_

* * *

A month passes before Kakashi visits.

My leg hangs out the window, dangling above the fire-escape's thin metal. Steam floats from the ground below, and a light breeze plays with my hair. It sways and dances across my cheek, before I tuck it behind my ears. The stars are small in the city. I peer through the bars of the fire-escape and suck the white stick between my fingers. Naruto hates me smoking, but he isn't here now.

The silver-haired man enters the one room bedsit, and places a large suitcase on the floor beside the bed. "How're you keeping?" he asks, and I take another drag. The cloud leaves my lungs and the night's air grabs and steals it away.

"How is he?" No contact for four weeks. We agreed to let the dust settle; let people begin to forget, before initiating the infiltration mission.

Kakashi, Konoha Corps' second in command. He'd been following Hiruzen's actions over the years, and I trust my old teacher, so when he came asking for my help, I'd agreed.

"He's doing…" Kakashi's words hang in the bedsit's darkness. His dress shirt ruffles against his body as he sits upon the old, worn mattress. "...well, considering."

"Where is he now?"

"He's been given sabbatical leave. We didn't think he was in any condition to work. He didn't argue, just cleared his things and left." Kakashi looks at his hands. There is no light in the room, but the street lamps give a suitable glow. "He's definitely doing better."

My chest aches. Mostly because of the pain I'm causing, but a part of me, that tiny selfish piece that I never got rid of, hates the fact Naruto may be able to carry on without me. I wonder for a moment how quickly he would move on, before flicking the cigarette into the night.

"He moved in with Gaara after being released from the psyche-ward," Kakashi continues.

"What?"

He nods and I step from the window. "That day, Gaara found him. He was on Konoha Corps' Tower's roof. He was going to jump."

The air throbs, and that selfish thought disappears. My mouth waters, and saliva slides my throat. "Gaara convinced him not to?"

"Gaara dragged him from the edge. I don't think there'd be any convincing him at that point. We found them, and I thought it for the best to have him sectioned, just until we knew he wasn't going to harm himself." Thank God for Gaara, even now, after all these years, I could still rely on him. "But, like I said, he's doing much better now. So please don't let that distract you." He flicks open a lock on the suitcase and the zip's screech fills the atmosphere. He pulls out paperwork, photos and a laptop, before placing all these items atop a desk in the corner.

When he points to a man's mugshot, I recognise him. Silver hair hangs behind his ears and that same placid look lingers on his face as usual. "I presume you are familiar with Hidan."

I nod, remembering our first encounter. Naruto and I had been sent to represent Konoha. Yugakure, apparently, wanted to form a peace treaty between the two organisations. But that hadn't exactly been their plan. We were lucky to get out alive. My fingers tighten into fists; I hear the bones creak.

"And Sasori." Of course, I'll never forget a face that looks so similar to Gaara's. "Head of Suna." He was young, but not one to be taken lightly. "From what I can gather, Hiruzen is feeding them information. It was too much of a coincidence, their attacks, their knowledge over our foundation. I don't know what he's getting from it, but he is betraying us. This is why I needed your help, Sasuke. If we can't even trust the Head of Konoha Corps, I don't think there is anyone we could let into our infiltration plan. That is why you had to disappear."

I nod, fingers moving across the paperwork and pictures. I switch on the desk-lamp to aid my vision.

"I knew you wouldn't disappoint me. You and Naruto are the best team we have. But you couldn't both disappear, and I didn't think he would accept the plan to fake his death, which is why it had to be you."

"Thanks..." As if I couldn't feel any worse. But he's right. Naruto wouldn't have done this to me. But I'd like to think he would; I have to, otherwise I couldn't contain the guilt. He was always saving my life. I was always his priority, but I prioritized the organisation, and that thought alone makes me feel like a lowlife.

"I need you to collect evidence. As much as you feel necessary, I trust your judgement. We need enough to take him down, if it came from me, there would be suspicion that I was just after his position." The laptop comes to life, and he presses a couple keys to reveal Konoha Corps' mainframe.

This technically should be my first time seeing inside the files. A tiny smile graces my lips, though, as I remember academy days. Gaara poking around the organisation's secrets. "I presume you're also familiar with this system?" His one good eye holds amusement, and the smile falls from my lips.

His fingers move across the keyboard, and Konoha's emblem disappears. Thousand of files I'd never seen move across the screen. He chuckles. "As if a couple of academy students could hack into Konoha's official mainframe. That one was just a red-herring. It was designed to test your skills." I wonder for a moment if Gaara knows this. He probably does by now. "We need the evidence to be concrete, and we need enough to take him down with one hit. We get one chance at this. If he catches wind, or we fail, we will both disappear for good. Do you understand?"

I nod.

"There's a blocker on this laptop. It's one of Gaara's designs, so it should be stable enough to keep Hiruzen Sarutobi away from your trace. Use whatever you need, and don't rush this. Remember, Sasuke, concrete."

He leaves and I turn my attention to the laptop's screen. One of Gaara's designs, huh? We'd both known he wouldn't enter the field. In fact, as soon as we graduated, he'd been offered a job in Konoha Towers, working on their main computer systems. I always imagined him in his element; designing software. And every now and again, he was mine and Naruto's eyes and ears from the ground.

I flick through a few files, read information, and store it away for later, before stumbling across Konoha Tower's security system. Dates and times are stored within the CCTV section, and for a moment, I dangle the cursor over the date I unofficially died. But I move on, unable to view it. My heart aches to see Naruto, but I can't witness the torture. I can't sit back and watch as realisation of my death sinks into his eyes.

I'd sat and watched him be tortured once before. It was my fault then, and it would be my fault now. I sigh, letting the self-loathing set in, before banishing the thought and moving on.

* * *

 **THREE YEARS EARLIER**

* * *

We didn't leave the academy again.

Gaara returned, signalling the end of Christmas break. He was always the first back, and it didn't take long for the hallways and corridors to spring back to life. I hadn't seen much of Naruto that last week. If I was in the library, he wouldn't find me. When I practiced shooting, he didn't appear in the cubicle beside mine. I tried not to pay much attention to the lack of company. I was used to spending the holidays alone. But I was curious as to why he had dropped off the face of the Earth. All of a sudden, his lost-puppy-like antics stopped.

Gaara skidded across the floor, head crashing into the wall as his grey academy uniform lifted to reveal pale and very small abdominal muscles. He used the surface to raise himself, before buckling back to the ground.

"That's enough," Mr. Gai called. He crossed the gymnasium to grab and pull Gaara to his feet, the young boy winced, but managed to hold his weight steady. "Yes, yes, okay." He let go and the redhead limped back into line.

Kiba smirked, revealing his abnormally sharp canines.

As much as I hated to admit it, the brunet had incredible hand-to-hand combat skills. He'd been a black belt in Karate and Judo before entering the academy. I caught teal eyes, and his head nodded to let me know he was alright. Kiba wasn't a bad sort, in fact, outside Hand-to-Hand Combat, the two occasionally spoke. But in class you did your best. You didn't hold back because your partner was half your weight and held the combat ability of a headless chicken…

Okay, that was a little harsh, maybe just a wingless chicken.

"Next." Gai checked his clipboard. "Naruto, you've never fought Kiba, have you?" It wasn't really a question, and Naruto didn't have to answer. He was already being ushered from the line.

This wasn't my usual combat class. I'd be in weapon's training during this period, but Mr. Kakashi had been promoted to second in command, meaning he'd left the academy for Konoha Corps' Tower.

Naruto moved to the centre floor. One leg swept at an angle and his arms hung loosely beside his tall frame. I already thought he'd be a talented fighter. You didn't get that build from sitting at computers, like Gaara did most the time. No. His muscles flexed in the uniform as he moved. I hadn't realised how intensely I'd been staring at his body, rather than his movements, so I jolted back to reality when a body flew in my direction. Not Kiba's.

Naruto rolled across the sprung floor, body bouncing ever so slightly as he came to a halt. He got to his knees and rubbed at his nose, blue eyes focused onto mine. He grinned and removed the blood from above his lip. But that smile fell as Kiba's claws dug into his shoulders.

Maybe… he wasn't that great at combat.

Later that day, I'd gone to relieve myself, but found Naruto inching closer to his reflection in the toilet's mirror. He slipped a rag under the cold tap, before placing it over the black eye he'd gained from fighting Kiba. No wonder Gaara never stood a chance if even Naruto struggled to defend himself. He winced, dropping the wet material back into the sink and groaned as he touched the cut on his lip.

I leaned against the cold porcelain after washing my hands and peered at the blond. "You look like shit."

"Thanks," he mumbled back.

"No wonder you got yourself thrown down a well if that's how you fight."

He fanned a hand in my direction. "That's not exactly how that happened... My dad threw me."

"What?"

"It's a long story."

Everything about his life seemed to be a 'long story'. In fact, I didn't know much about the blond at all. I knew he trained in the field, and I knew he obviously hadn't suffered in ways we had. But apart for that, I had no clue. I thought of the lake, still feeling stupid about giving so much personal information, but I reasoned that he'd thrown me off guard, again. After five years cooped up in this place, I supposed I wasn't exactly acting myself.

The week apart from him cleared my mind, I wouldn't be indulging him with stories of my past again. I preferred not to know too much about people. It was easier to disconnect that way. You never knew when you'd have to do something you'd regret. It was hard enough with Gaara, and I didn't want to have that type of guilt etched onto my soul again.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing."

"You're frowning."

"I'm not."

He placed the wet rag against his lip. "Why do you always do that? Pretend you're okay when you're clearly not."

"I'm not the one with a smashed up face."

He laughed then, and turned his attention back to his reflection. "Well, I can't argue with that."

I wasn't sure why I wanted to ask. Usually I'd leave it alone. I was never ruled by my curiosity and I was completely sure that I didn't care, anyway. But… after that night in front of the lake, he'd just disappeared. Even with Gaara back, he wasn't his usual self. Sometimes I'd wonder if he would follow me from class, or show up somewhere uninvited, but he didn't.

It would be different if I knew why, but I had no idea what had changed. In fact, after telling him bits about my past, I thought he would become more clingy. A tiny part of me… sort of wanted that.

"Where did you..." I rolled the words over in my mind, but I couldn't think how to put it tactfully. His eyes moved within the reflection to look at me. "Never mind." I turned to leave, but his voice stopped me.

"Where did I go during the holidays?" He grinned then, but winced when the cut on his lip split. "Why, did you miss me?"

"Hardly." I scoffed.

"I was studying."

"Yeah, right." I didn't see him at the library after that first week, and I doubted he was the type to sit and study by himself.

"No, I really was." He sighed and mopped at the trickle of blood dribbling from the newly opened cut. "After our conversation that night, I wanted to know what _that_ kind of training involved. I knew if I saw you I'd ask, and I didn't want you to relive it. I guess, I just wanted to know what I had to look forward to."

"Did you manage to find anything?"

His fingers dabbed at the blood. Lips, chapped, broken. And a weight fell into my chest as I banished images of past training. But I knew I was being selfish, it wasn't me who would have to face it. Not yet, anyway. I'd already executed and passed one half of my test. I still had to prove that I could hold my tongue under forceful interrogation. The exercise during Intel Extraction didn't count. That wasn't a test, I could fail without repercussions, and I'd known that when Naruto had raised the gun to my head that last time. It was more my pride I was failing.

I couldn't stand watching him dabbing so forcefully at the broken skin, so I grabbed the rag and rested it gently against his lip. "You need to hold it still," I said when he looked a little confused. I almost dropped the cloth when his breath ghosted over my fingers.

"Bits and pieces," he said. "I can understand they want you to know what you're getting into, and they're probably right, your first experience shouldn't be when you're actually on a mission." His tanned hand rested against mine. "But, I'm sure that didn't make it any easier." He removed my fingers from his face, but didn't let my hand go. "Dad always said, he'd rather I die than get captured. He had a contract to take out a corrupted government official, that's why we were in Russia. When they closed in, he threw me down that well. If I died, I wouldn't suffer. If I lived, he knew I'd find a way to escape."

"What happened?" I hadn't meant for the words to come out so quietly, but they did. I'm sure the sound didn't even reach the tiled walls.

"Well, I didn't die, as you can tell. But I never saw him again."

I didn't know why I didn't pull my hand away. I just left it, hanging in the air with his. It was stupid really, looking back to that moment. How I hadn't quite grasped the concept of what I felt toward the blond boy who stood so intensely in front of me. I'd never considered those types of feelings, so when they came into play, I didn't quite know what they were. I just knew they made me feel unwell. Sometimes flushed when he moved too close, sometimes dizzy when I caught his scent. And at some point, I found myself wondering if he felt the same.

His skin cleared pretty quickly. Less than a week and his face held nothing but his natural tan. I considered if perhaps he had great genetics. And after that, I found myself around him more often. Sometimes, even I sought him out. I didn't ask any more about his family. I left the subject alone. He'd never asked about mine, so I gave him the same courtesy.

The weeks rolled by, and I speculated whether it was getting warmer outside. The younger generations no longer wrapped up so tightly when they headed for the exit, and it made me think back to that lake. How comforting it must be to sit around in the sun. Sometimes, I found myself wondering if that's where they went at weekends when they left the building. At the time, it had felt like just mine and Naruto's spot. But the place was probably occupied quite frequently.

At one point, as it became close to Easter, I let myself consider that maybe, just maybe, we would not get one last 'Special Class'. I let myself hope, and I think Naruto may have hoped the same. But one evening, while heading back to my dorm room, I found Gaara loitering in the hallway. His teal eyes didn't find my face at first, he just held his gaze steady at the wall, but I knew he'd been waiting for me. Why else would he be standing in this wing? His room wasn't close enough to warrant his intrusion in the area.

He didn't speak, just held out a letter. If it was possible for your blood to turn to ice, that would've happened. My whole body froze, feeling as if I were back outside in the cold air. The back of the envelope held his name, but it hadn't been opened yet. There was no need. We knew what it was.

I found my own on my bedroom floor. My name, written neatly in cursive. I wondered if wedding invitations held the same beautiful writing, perhaps to any other boy our age this could be mistaken for an invitation to a party.

I slid my nail into the top and ripped it. It _was_ an invitation, but not one you'd ever want to receive. My head swam as I read the words, and the piece of paper scrunched between my fingers. All classes were cancelled next week, and we were to report to Block A. In our first year, we'd nick-named it The Chamber. It occupied the lowest level of the building, and there was only ever one reason to be there.

I didn't see Naruto that weekend. I was torn in two halves, wanting to see him and not. A part of me wanted to try say something encouraging, but another part, my more logical side, knew there was nothing I could say. And so, when Monday arrived, and I made my way through the corridor, I hoped not to see his face. I didn't even notice when Gaara appeared at my side, but as I turned a corner, there he stood. Younger generations gawked and whispered. But this time, it wasn't because two first generation students walked together. It was because word had floated around the academy. This week we wouldn't be occupying the higher tech classrooms. This week, we'd be in The Chamber.

The room was as I remembered. Dark crimson splattered the walls. You could tell the blood had been scrubbed, but there was no getting rid of the stains. Mixed between the different shades, I knew my own still hung on the walls. A permanent reminder. I placed myself at a desk and Gaara slipped into the seat beside. Danzo stood at the front, watching the classroom fill. Behind the man, the metal walls mingled into bricks. Chains hung from the ceiling, and a rusted drain embedded itself into the floor. Weapons and contraptions sat on shelves, and the only light source came from the front. Bright lamps rested in the metal, pointing at the separated brick hole.

Naruto dropped into the seat on the other side of me, but he didn't speak. He didn't say a word as he took everything in. He appeared like every other teenage boy in the room. Unrested, unsettled. And I wished I could read his mind. Perhaps then, I'd know what to say.

A heavy thud echoed off the walls as the metal door closed with the last student, and Danzo surveyed each of us. Did he receive sick pleasure by witnessing fear in our eyes? We'd been taught to hide all emotion if we wielded it. But we were still teenagers, and even if we thought no effect enveloped our features, I bet it did. It may have been minuscule, but I'm sure he could see the anxiety. How could he not?

He read from a sheet - the same words he always read. "Everything that takes place within this room is for educational purposes only. There will be no permanent damage inflicted onto the body." I always noted how they left out emotional. "All activity will cease if any signs of death occur. Konoha Corporation is not held responsible for any accidents, untimely deaths or mental damage." He lifted a bag, and backs stiffened. A pencil snapped somewhere within the room. "And since we have no punishments to execute, I shall pick a name at random."

At random?

I would've put money on Danzo choosing Naruto.

Hell. Naruto would've put money on Danzo choosing Naruto.

He circled a hand within the material and plucked a name. "Uchiha."

What? My fingers gripped at the table. Not again. Maybe they knew. Maybe they knew I'd left the building. But he'd said no punishments. So why me? I didn't move at first. I wasn't quite sure how long I'd remained still, but it was long enough for Danzo to call my name again.

"I volunteer." Naruto's hand raised, and my head shot in his direction.

I didn't want him to suffer, either. I grabbed his arm when he stood. "Don't be stupid," I hissed, standing myself. "Sit down."

"You volunteer?" No one ever _volunteered_ for this.

"I haven't experienced this training before, sir, so I volunteer to take Sasuke's place."

"What's your name, boy?" Danzo asked, picking up a clipboard, he flicked through a few sheets that hung to the thin wood until Naruto gave him an answer. "Ah, yes, I didn't think I recognised you. We have no disclaimer for you, so I can't use you as a subject."

"I could sign one?"

"Don't be ridiculous. We need your parents to sign one, but it doesn't look like they have."

Naruto wiggled his arm from my grasp, and I found myself lowering back to my chair. "My parents are dead."

"Then we need your next of kin; whoever enrolled you. No means no. Sasuke, front and centre."

"I don't have a next of kin. I enrolled myself."

Danzo's eyebrows lifted, and everyone stared. He had enrolled himself? But why? And most of all, why was he now arguing his case to be a subject? A part of me wondered if he'd do the same if anyone else's name had been pulled. I hoped he would've, because the thought of him taking my place just because it was me, made me want to slap him for being so stupid. I knew I should've argued back. I should've stopped him. But perhaps I was weak. I was much weaker than I'd always made out. I'd never wanted to admit it, but when it came to the blond boy, I was becoming weaker and weaker as time passed.

Danzo let out a tutting noise that filled the air, but Naruto remained on his feet. Credit where credit was due, he was either a better man than me, or a complete idiot. I'd let him come to his own conclusion. "Very well." He thrust paper in his direction, and Naruto signed. He didn't even read the thing, just picked up a pen and autographed it.

"It's okay." His voice was quiet. His words reached no farther than myself and Gaara. "I'm a lot tougher than I look."

I said nothing. I could only shake my head in disbelief as he followed Danzo. He faced the class, and I couldn't read his expression as his eyes remained locked onto mine. Guilt punched its way into my gut, getting stronger with every second that gaze held me. That should've been me standing there. I hated myself for it, but even through all the guilt, I was still glad it wasn't.

"This week, we are going to learn the different ways to break someone without killing them. We have done this many times before, but since this is our last lesson on the subject before graduation, it will be slightly different." He gestured to Naruto, and those blue orbs left my direction to turn to the older man. "We usually only let this last the day, but in the real world, it is unlikely that anyone will give up Intel within only a few hours, and so, there will be no Intel." He spoke only to Naruto now. "We usually give a student fake information, and by the end of the class, they are able to give it to me to indicate the end. However, as I said, it is unlikely that anyone would fold so easily." Danzo gestured toward the bricked area and he placed a hand on Naruto's back to guide him forward.

His voice was louder now so the rest of us could hear. "There is no Intel, so the training will not end until the week is up. I will be showing you different ways to break a resolve. Remember, you do not actually want your prisoner dead. You want him broken." His wrinkled fingers reached to grab the metal cuffs, and I could do nothing but watch as he asked for Naruto's hands. They locked into place, leaving the blond boy standing with his arms raised.

Danzo tugged at a pulley on the wall, and Naruto's body lifted. The tip of his shoes scuffed against bricks as he attempted to stay on his toes. His face fell placid, that usual tan flushed white underneath the bright lights, and his eyes found mine one last time before a bag covered his head.

It took two days for the first student to vomit.

And as the stench filled the air, it only took five more minutes for the next to release their stomach contents against the metal floor. Gaara doubled over in his chair, wiping his mouth as he heaved again, but I didn't think there was anything left to escape. He coughed. I was wrong. He gagged, opening his mouth again as bile splattered against his leg. "Don't even fucking think about asking if I'm okay," he gagged out through gasps of air. He'd seen my face, but the horror embedded into my eyes wasn't for him.

Naruto's feet no longer touched the floor, and with his chin against his chest, I didn't even know if he was conscious any more.

"If you take a look at his shoulders, you will see that the weight hanging against them has dislocated the arm. So be careful, that is always a risk. Do not levitate the prisoner by his hands if you need him to use his arms later." He continued, ignoring the earlier vomiting students. "You also have the option to hang them upside down, but they will lose consciousness quicker. You also run the risk of death from popped blood vessels in the brain."

Naruto's chin rubbed against his collarbone. He woke. His chest and abs held large, black bruises where Danzo had shown us where we could and couldn't hit so hard, and what materials made the least and most damage. Danzo ripped the bag from Naruto's head, and the boys eyes snapped shut against the brightness. One blue eye peeked open ever so slightly, and it blinked against the harsh lights. Dark circles hung under his eyes, and sweat pooled from his skin. He grunted when his body hit the bricks. He didn't attempt to sit, just laid against the cold floor, cuffed hands against his chest.

"As you can observe," Danzo moved from the wall where he'd just untied the pulley. "By this point, the captive will be physically weakened. But remember the rule of three. Three weeks without food. Three days without water. Three minutes without air. At the very most."

The teacher curled one hand around the bruised bicep and the other at the tip of the dislocated shoulder. The crack made my mouth water, but it was Naruto's scream that almost made me puke.

My teeth grit together. My hands shook against the table. But there was nothing I could do. He had volunteered. He'd taken my place. And all I could do was sit and watch, and what? Take notes as Naruto suffered. Only a couple more months, and we'd be out this place. I promised, no I swore on my parents' graves, that I would make this up to him.

It took four days for the first begs to leave Naruto's mouth.

His arms hung behind his back as he kneeled against the floor. Now in just his boxers, the blood from his knees ran across the cracks in the bricks. I could see in detail every gash, every bruise. I'd hated myself for being so weak, so helpless. So that third day, when I'd entered the classroom, I'd sat myself at the front. I meant it as some form of respect. I'd sit, and I'd watch everything that the blond endured. It was the least I could do. And on that forth day, when his mouth moved for the first time to form a word instead of screams, I thought no less of him. Nothing, at that point, could make me feel anything but respect.

"Please," he whispered, voice breaking as if he'd swallowed sandpaper. "Please... no more."

"By this stage-" By this stage I wanted to shove a knife through the man's chest. "-the captive will begin to break. Sometimes it is a little quicker, other times it takes longer. But the body can only take so much before the mind begins to waver." The blindfold that had been around his face all day was removed, but Naruto didn't raise his head. It wasn't until Danzo grabbed blond hair and lifted him in a kneeling position that I saw those blue eyes. A small trail of saliva hung against his chin and his body dipped and rose as he breathed through his mouth. "Usually it would be quicker than this. Because, although these are all techniques you will use in the future, this is still a classroom environment. He knows he isn't going to die. He knows when this is over he can go back to his normal life, and so, his resolve will naturally last longer than if he were in a real life situation. This is just to show you the real responses of the human body under stress."

The older man grabbed the glass of water that sat in front of Sai and brought it to the blond. He held it up and Naruto drank. The gulps echoed around the room and he choked, before gasping for air. "That should be enough now." He placed the empty glass on my desk, red lip marks trailed across the rim. He smacked the already bruised cheek. Two black eyes tightened together. "Do you understand?"

Naruto didn't reply.

"Do you want this to be over?"

He nodded.

"I can't hear you, boy. Tell me what you want, we could carry on."

Naruto's eyes blink then and his head nodded vigorously. I wondered where he'd gained the strength. I sighed in relief. Finishing a day early. Perhaps even Danzo knew this was going too far. Almost no skin held his natural tan. It didn't even hold the white that the bright lights were inflicting. Black, blue, purple. They were the only colours now coasting across his flesh.

"Speak. I need to know how much you want this to be over."

"Please," he breathed. "Please, please."

The cuffs fell from his wrists as Danzo released him, and his arms moved to the front of his body. Fingers stretching as he fell to his bum so he could sit properly for the first time in four days. "Thank you," he whispered through white, chapped lips. His eyes glistened with tears. I could only imagine they were of relief. I'd take him straight to the infirmary. I itched to stand and grab him, but being dismissed weren't the next words out Danzo's mouth.

"This is a critical stage," he said instead. "Their resolve is near broken. Please take note of this, it is very important. You now need to do or say whatever you can to create relief. It is easier to remain quiet if their stress levels never change. Give them a break, treat them like a human being, make them believe it is almost over." He looked down at Naruto, and even my resolve almost broke when I realised what the man was saying. I think it took Naruto a little longer to understand, but I knew when he did.

The liquid fell from his eyes and he sobbed. I'd never seen someone so… Gaara and I had struggled to cope with a couple hours, but Naruto, he'd suffered for almost four full days without a moments respite. I couldn't envisage what I'd be like at this point. A quivering mess, no doubt.

"It is up to you how long you let this relief last. But for classroom purposes, since we only have one day left, I am showing you what only a quick moment of relief can create. Please stand."

Naruto's head shook, he sobbed, and begged and sobbed some more. I didn't want to watch. With every fibre of my being, I wanted to look away, but I couldn't. I wouldn't let a second of his suffering go unnoticed. I'd hold on to this and remember. Remember what he'd done for me. There was no shame in his actions. He was a sixteen-year-old boy. Compared to our parents and teachers, we were still kids. At that moment, I questioned if they'd done the right thing by starting this program. No curriculum could ready a child for this type of torture. Naruto's father had been right. Any of us would be better off dead than captured. From what I'd learned, you wind up dead, anyway.

I wanted to beg with him. I wanted to get on my knees and beg Danzo to stop this, but I didn't, and he wouldn't, anyway. With only one day left, what more could be shown? Was there anything more he could do? He'd already beaten, half drowned, starved, dehydrated, humiliated and broken the boy. His skin was almost black, his legs were raw from dried urine, his hair stuck to his face. Really, what more was there? Did we really have to see what one more day would do to him?

"Stand up," Danzo repeated, and slowly, Naruto attempted to raise himself to his feet. But he failed, falling forward and landing in a heap in front of my desk. He got to his knees, looked up, probably noticing me for the first time in days now he was no longer under that bright light. But a grin didn't emerge as it had the day Kiba knocked him to the floor. He just blinked, and so did I. Because, really, there was nothing I could do or say.

"Come on." Danzo slipped a hand underneath the blond's arm and helped him to his feet. But he knew Naruto wouldn't have been strong enough to hold his own body weight, so he pulled an unoccupied chair from a desk and placed it in the middle of the bricked floor. He dumped the boy down and covered his wrists behind his back with the now red cuffs. Naruto's head fell, and I watched drops of water hitting the raw skin on his knees.

"If you are taken prisoner, and they have gotten to the stage where they are being kind to you, then you better pray you're found very soon." Danzo raised his voice to cloak the sobs escaping the blond's mouth. "It is at this point, things will get harder. If they have not already, you can expect forms of body modification. Limbs cut or ripped off." Naruto's body shook harder against the chains. "Rape, and types of humiliation you can not even fathom. But, of course, all forms of interrogation are different." He placed his hand against Naruto's greasy hair. The boy didn't flinch when those fingers made contact. "Since this is for educational purposes, I am only showing the basic forms of torture that you will encounter. In the real world, anything that comes to mind can and will happen."

"Tomorrow, since it will be our last day, I will show you the effects on the body once extreme pain has been inflicted." His hand moved, wiggling the head underneath his digits. "Did you hear that, that's what we'll be doing tomorrow. Understand?"

Naruto's head shook at its own accord now. His muscles tightened and relaxed, stretching out the cuts, bruises and grazes. "Please," he whispered again, through gasps of air. His body still attempted to cry, but I doubted he had any hydration left to allow the waste of moisture.

"Please what?" Was Danzo enjoying this? That thought made me want to puke, but his face held no amusement. It was as placid as always. Perhaps to him, this really was just for educational purposes. Maybe, he had premeditated every action coming from the blond, knowing exactly what to do and say to get the reaction he wanted. How many times had he done this before… how much harsher could he be? Perhaps to him, this was child's play.

"No more," Naruto whispered. "I can't..." His voice held nothing of its usual tone. If I hadn't been looking at him, I wouldn't have even said I recognised it. "I'll… I'll do anything."

Danzo ignored the boy's whispers, and instead, walked to a wall that held shelves covered in tools. He plucked a tazor and a pair of pliers from different areas. "Don't eat heavy breakfasts in the morning. I don't want any more puke on this floor, the place smells bad enough." He lifted the tazor and Naruto's eyes widened as he flinched back in the chair. "This," he said to the class. "Holds enough watts to paralyse your subject, but not kill. When attempting to use electricity, you must know how much you are inflicting onto the body. Too much will kill."

The object sparked, and he touched it to Naruto's skin. His body tensed, every muscle going into spasm as he jolted. His head bobbed back, jaw gritting together as drowned gags left his throat. It stopped momentarily as Danzo heightened the intensity. Naruto screamed this time. His voice bounced around the walls, and the smell of burning flesh crept under my nose. His hair stood, his legs and arms twisted and the screams turned to moans as the tazor was retracted. His head fell. Chin hitting against his chest as a yellow puddle crept across the chair, down his legs and between the cracks in the bricks.

Danzo slapped his cheek. "Wake up."

Naruto groaned, head falling to the side.

His fingers curled into Naruto's hair, pulling it to lift his head and the boy's eyes widened again as a pair of pliers entered his mouth.

"Teeth extraction is another form of interrogation that you find common, that and nail extraction."

Naruto's muffled screams reminded me of Gaara. I couldn't see the redhead's face, but I knew the terror that would currently be held within his teal eyes. The academy had replaced the teeth, but I doubted the pain would ever be forgotten.

The pliers removed from his mouth, and I released a breath. No teeth came with it. The scream died, transforming into a mild crackles.

"I'm assuming you don't want this to happen?"

Naruto's head shook. It looked as if he were struggling to breathe, but at closer inspection, it seemed too much air invaded his lungs. His chest shot up and down in little bursts.

"Okay." He lifted the rusting, metal pliers back to Naruto's face. I watched the tool touch his skin, sweep his chin, and tap against his shoulder. "I'm going to ask you a few questions, and if you answer truthfully, I will dismiss you, do you understand?"

Naruto's eyes raised to the older man's face. Did he believe him? I doubted it. But what choice did he have? Any hope of ending the class was worth a chance.

"I know when someone is lying to me, boy. And if I even get a slight suspicion that you are, then we shall continue this tomorrow." He tapped the pliers against the bruised shoulder again, letting Naruto contemplate what he would have to endure. "Do you understand?"

"I'll tell you anything, just please..."

"Very well."

Naruto squinted when Danzo twisted the light hanging from the wall. It hit the boy's face directly, lighting up every wrinkle, every bruise, every cut embedded into his flesh. The black skin underneath his eyes sagged, and he struggled to keep them open. They found their way to my direction. I doubted he could see me, sitting behind the light, but he sought me out anyway.

"What do you fear most in this world? I want to hear something you've never told anyone. I want it to be real."

Naruto's head fell, chest still rising and falling with each breath. "I…"

"Or would you rather stay?"

"To be alone. I… I don't want to be alone." No embarrassment flooded his words. He'd said it so matter-of-factly, as if he didn't care what he'd said and who heard.

Danzo stepped forward, obviously believing the words leaving Naruto's mouth, because he continued. "I am just curious now. Why did you enrol into this program yourself?"

He peeked up now, but he didn't turn to face his interrogator. He looked in my direction again. "Same... reason." He breathed.

"Because you didn't want to be alone?" He grabbed the boy's chin and twisted his head, creating a wince from the broken face. "No. Don't look at him. Look at me. Why do you keep looking at him, do you have some sort of infatuation with Uchiha? And that question is not rhetorical."

"No… I… I know him."

"Of course you know him."

"No… I mean… I meant, I knew him before. Before the academy. We were… I knew his parents."

This time my breath caught in my throat. He what? How the hell did he know me? I didn't realise my eyes had widened until they shrank to their usual state.

"Is that why you took his place?" This wasn't interrogation anymore, I believed the older man was genuinely curious, and knew he'd get the real answer.

"No..."

"Are you lying to me now?"

Naruto head attempted to shake, but the blemishes on his chin turned white as the man squeezed. "No, no, I don't know." His teeth momentarily grit together, and his pupils dotted around the man's face like little pin-pricks on a plate. "I just, I couldn't. I couldn't watch this happen to, to..."

"To him?"

"...Please… can I go now?"

Danzo clicked his tongue and released the face he was dragging in his direction. "Yes, I suppose that's far enough. And as you can see, if you implement these forms of stress on the body and psyche, there will eventually be a moment when you can get whatever information you want." He collected his papers. "They will do whatever you ask. Sometimes..." He headed for the metal door, a quivering look of disgust hanging in his eyes, and I wondered if that was held for himself. "...they don't even realising their doing it. You're all dismissed. Including him. Someone take him to the infirmary."

* * *

 **I was going to include the next part within this chapter, but it felt like the right place to leave it.**

 **I appreciate any reviews,**

 **Ugawa**

 **x**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello. Here is the next chapter. I hope you enjoy it. Also, a quick note. I have been working out timings, and I have changed the time difference from 2 years to 3 years. I want to go into their past after the academy before Sasuke leaves for his mission.**

 **Please read and review. I always appreciate people's thoughts and opinions on my work.**

* * *

 _I Don't Enjoy to Watch You Crumble_

* * *

My arms dangle behind me, fingers tentatively picking at cuffs while the long haired idiot spouts shit in his mother-tongue. His leather jacket hugs his toned torso, and for a millisecond, I consider taking it with me. I grip the metal restraints before they clatter against the floor and clock the guns hanging in holsters at either side of my ears.

His blond hair reminds me of Naruto, but it's darker, and much, much longer. He grins, hand forming a fist before sinking into my gut. Air escapes my lungs, and his goons grab my shoulders so I don't topple backwards over the chair.

"Anata wa kashikoi shite iru to omoimasu ka."

"Iie." I grunt.

Music and laughter drifts in the air from the casino below as the door opens. It swings back, muffling the noise as it closes. Plush, leather sofas sit around the room, and beautifully crafted paintings of geisha hang upon the black walls.

His hand is small and feminine, but his strength is not. And when those soft, tanned fingers sweep across my cheek, my lips turn in disgust. They play with my hair, before tugging on it playfully. "Hmm, Menma." He only knows the name my fake ID holds. " _Such a beautiful piece of art_." I force my face away and he lets go.

Deidara relaxes into the sofa, one arm hanging over the backrest, and a very slim, black haired woman holds a tray and bows as the Mafia boss takes the sake. I have no respect for these types. Using fear and money to climb their way to the top; they have no idea what respect and loyalty is. Not many have any training, just a shit-ton of fire-power.

"Menma," he says again in his Japanese accent. " _So arrogant. Thinking you can take down the Akatsuki with a one-man-cell_." Chuckles ooze from his throat. I'd been trailing them for weeks, collecting enough Intel to get caught. It almost disappoints me how easy this is. They hold no morals, no idea how this world works. Their ability to lead goes no further than holding a gun. Japan's most notorious crime-ring. It's pathetic. " _It is a shame, but art isn't built to last_." He takes a sip from his crystal tumbler, and his pointed eyes narrow over the rim.

" _Kill him_."

I drop the cuffs, grab the guns from the goon's waistbands and press the trigger. One, two, three, four, five, six bodies hit the floor as the room lights up like fireworks. Before they even breathe, they're dead.

I stand, gun pointing toward that blond hair. "Oi, chotto matte." His hands wave. Coward. No respect for themselves either. They have no idea what real suffering is. " _I'll give you anything you want. Just don't_ -" He doesn't finish. His body sinks on the sofa, blood gushing from the bullet-hole in his head.

* * *

Naruto loves watching those secret-agent films. I couldn't quite understand it myself, how we'd get home from a three week mission, having escaped death once again, why he'd want to stick the TV on and watch the latest Mission Impossible film or True Lies or Mr And Mrs Smith, or whatever crap littered the screen. They were unrealistic, especially the locations they chose to exchange information. I mean, come on, who would go to the docks, or a park bench, or whichever place the directors had decided.

You'd go somewhere public. Somewhere that held so many bodies, you wouldn't exists in anyone's memory. That's why I'm currently standing at a bar, waiting. At least I don't stick out here. My parents being Japanese in origin meant even though I'd lived in America my whole life, I looked at home in this part of the world. I think of Naruto and how much he'd stand out with his extravagant blond hair and bright blue eyes. I don't think anyone could be more Western if they tried.

A group of girls sidle up to me and attempt a conversation, but I fob them off with some line about being tired and wanting to drink alone. They don't fuss, unlike American girls, just bow and move on.

A bartender reaches me, sweeps long hair behind her shoulders and asks what I'd like to order.

"Beeru Kudasai," I shout over the thumping bass. I have no intention of consuming the alcoholic beverage, but I hold it to look in place.

It isn't until a body catches my eye that I turn from the bar, leaving the sticky surface to follow the man into a booth. I slide onto the cushioned chair and the man lowers his hood to reveal orange locks. He isn't Asian born, but holds an accent as he speaks in English. With music and intoxication flooding people's brains, it's unlikely anyone will grasp what we say quick enough to keep up with the conversation, even if they did speak English.

I place the silver ring with the blue gem on the table and push it against the wood. Juugo grips it between his fingers and observes the splash of dried blood. He nods. "Very impressive," he says. "Less than two months, and you've managed to pull off what we have not in three years. Taka thanks you."

"I didn't do it for your gratitude," I say. I have even less respect for him. Hiring an outsider to do your dirty work when your inner circles should be skilled enough to finish the job. I found that more pitiful. It had taken four months to track Juugo. Ex-Suna turned Mafia boss. I supposed with his training he could've done it himself, but I suspected having that blood on their hands would leave bad press in the underworld scene.

"No." A packet of cigarettes emerge from his pocket and he guides it across the table. I flick the top open with my thumb. Inside, folded paperwork, blue-prints, computer chips and a memory stick.

"This had better be legit." I pocket the packet and leave.

* * *

I pin sheets of paper to my note board and connect blueprints to pictures I've taken. The sun sets, leaving a light chill in the air, so I move across the dark room and shut the window. My laptop screen gives adequate lighting, and the kettle whistles as water boils. I've been in Japan for half a year, and slowly, I'm collecting enough sources to infiltrate Suna. I'm certain I'll find something on their mainframe systems, but I can't get to it from the outside. I have to be within the building, and setting that up takes time. A member of Konoha cannot just walk into Suna. I think back to Naruto's younger body hanging in The Chamber at the academy. If they caught me, I would suffer much worse. I hold something they want. Secrets. Intel on Konoha.

I pour scolding water into an instant Ramen pot with popular ninja anime characters on the label, and stir the cardboard-like pieces. This is the type of crap he indulges on, and I wonder if he'd enjoy the noodles better than I do. Waiting for the water to absorb, I lift a cigarette to my lips, before letting a small smile grace my face. Naruto's reaction the first time I'd come home stinking of the stuff had been… interesting.

I'd cleared a particularly difficult mission that day, and before going home, Asuma had extended one to me as I'd sat over the edge of Konoha Corps' Tower. Naruto always knew to find me there, looking out over the city.

I pause, maybe that's when my death had sunk in, when he hadn't found me leaning against the side.

The artificial light in the room flickers, and my attention falls to the laptop's screen. Little boxes pop, and I press a few buttons, but I'm no longer in control of the machine. I frown, press a few more keys in hopes to rectify the problem. Maybe the program has malfunctioned. The screen flashes again. Another box appears, and a tiny typing line blinks before words type themselves out.

 _Who is this?_

I stare, stump the cigarette into a cup of old water and wait.

 _How do you have this software, it hasn't been released yet?_

If Kakashi has given me unreleased software, then it can only be one person. The designer.

 _An ally._ Is all I type back. I watch as that little line blinks, before more words appear.

 _There's an issue with the program. I've been working on it._ The line pauses for a moment, before moving again. _Who is this?_

The smell of noodles float through the apartment, and I toy with the idea of telling the truth, but I don't. _I'm affiliated with Konoha, do not worry, Gaara._ I regret using his name, but I can't take the words back, they appear instantly on both sides.

The little red light beside the camera clicks on. I fall to the ground. Damn him. He's hacked into the laptops cam. I glance up from the floor, and another box appears. Gaara's face materializes. His skin no longer contains the cuts and bruises it did during academy years, but he's just as pale and probably a little thinner. Always working in an office means there's no urgency for the muscle that I need to conduct missions on a day-to-day basis.

"Who is this," his deep voice echoes throughout the silent apartment. "How do you have this software?"

I watch his face, or more importantly, his eyes, as they trail around the room. I hope the dim light stilts his view, but when he catches sight of something, he stands, face moving closer to his own screen. I let out a couple of silent offensive words.

A photo frame. The one thing I'd brought with me. A picture of Naruto. He's seen it, I know he has, and when he moves to sit back into his chair, I regret not slamming the screen shut the moment the red light had appeared.

"If this is who I think it is..." He pauses before his sentence changes course. "Just let me see you."

I don't move.

"I'm not at Konoha."

I remain still, back now leaning against the desk's hard wood.

"He isn't here..." When I still don't reply, he continues. "Okay… if it is you, and you can get back to the country, meet me where he took us graduation night. In three days, I'll be there at midnight…" His hand raises to disconnect the feed, but he speaks again before the screen turns black. "Get rid of the laptop, the software is corrupted. It's traceable."

I don't rise until Gaara disappears. I lean across the side of the desk and slam it shut. Fuck.

No one can know I'm alive, but Gaara isn't stupid, and perhaps it's best to confront him before he mentions this to anyone.

I dump the laptop into the nearest river and catch the first flight back to America.

* * *

I hide my face from street lamps with a hood. I haven't been in this area since the three of us moved out the old apartment. We'd shared one after graduation. It had been given to us by the organisation, and we'd spent the first couple months of our freedom living together. I use the word freedom loosely. We were no longer confined to the academy walls, but we were tracked. Konoha knew where we resided at all times, and they'd call us in at a moments notice. We were free, but only as free as they allowed us to be.

I turn a corner to escape the street, and climb upon a dumspter to pull at the graffiti-ed fire-escape. It lowers easily with a _clank_ and I climb the old, rusted steps. It's passed midnight, but I know he's waiting. If he believes I'm alive, I have no doubt he'll stay all night. And just as predicted, he's there, standing at the other side of the roof terrace, own hood pulled over his head. Red locks poke out. I move between the ventilation systems, and he turns and squints into the darkness when he hears my feet against the roof tiles. I step from the confinements of the shadows and lower my hood.

He doesn't speak at first, just stands dumbly, eyes fixated on my face. "It can't be," he whispers. He inches closer, lowering his own hood. "I didn't… I didn't believe it was true." He steps forward again, cautiously. "How? How are you alive?" Pale fingers run across his forehead before brushing into his hair.

"Hey," I say, because I can't think of anything better.

"How're you alive?" he repeats. "I. I saw you die. I was following your feed that morning… I saw you go over that cliff and into the explosion."

Guilt grips my chest. Kakashi never told me Gaara followed the mission's feed that day. He'd just told me to make it look realistic. For a moment, I think he's going to touch me, but he doesn't. He just shakes his head.

"When I saw another IP address using the software… not for one moment did I think… I thought maybe it had been tampered with…" His voice raises, but still only enough just for us to hear. "You've been dead for nine months."

"I'm sorry."

"No, don't apologise." His teal eyes roam my features. "I doubt this was your idea."

My idea? No. But I'd been given the option. For the first time ever, I was approached and told I could deny the request. But I'd accepted, knowing what would happen and who would get hurt. I notice a bag beside his leg.

"Did you ditch the laptop?" he asks.

I nod and he passes me the bag. "My own personal one. No one should be able to penetrate it. I have programs on there that I haven't even told the organisation about."

I sniff out a little laugh. "You always have been too cautious for your own good."

"Well, it looks like it's come in handy this time."

I pull my packet of smokes out, and Gaara eyes the cigarette between my fingers. "Do you have a spare one of those?"

"You smoke?"

"I feel as if I'm about to start."

We sit against the wall that protects us from a five-story drop. His knee raises to lean an arm against as he takes another drag, and I tell him everything. No one is supposed to know, but I trust Gaara more than I even trust Kakashi. I'd requested to let him into the infiltration plan. I knew his talents would help in ways that I lacked the skill, but Kakashi had refused. He takes it in, chews over my words and nods.

"Last year," he says after a few moments of silence. "I found a couple of leaks in the feed and a few inconsistencies in the mainframe. I thought they may have been mistakes. I rectified the problem, but now… maybe they were deliberate. Do you have any leads?"

"A few," I say. "It's not panning out as I thought."

"No. Sarutobi is a smart man. If he doesn't want to be caught, it's going to take more than just you to get this sorted. I'll keep an eye on the systems and stay in contact. I'm the only one who can get through the firewalls on that laptop, so if I find anything, I can let you know."

"It's a shame you were never great at protecting yourself. You'd make a good field agent."

He laughs then. It's not throaty, it's a small sound drifting from his lips. "I'm happy enough not getting shot at on a daily basis, but thank you."

"I don't blame you." I flick the cigarette's butt across the roof terrace, and watch the ember fall and disappear. "I heard about what happened. Thank you… for stopping him."

"Yeah, that… I was just wondering if you knew." He sighs. "I was the one who told him. I thought you'd appreciate it coming from me. I'd kept an eye on him all morning. He'd gone into the locker room and three hours later he left holding a note and your ring. He went to the roof, I thought maybe for some fresh air, but when he didn't return, I followed."

Gaara tosses the cigarette's butt over his shoulder, letting it fall the five-stories to the ground below. "He was at your spot, right on the edge." He shakes his head. "Shit, Sasuke. If I'd been a second later. Even at the academy, I'd never seen him… no anyone… so… He was shouting and crying and shaking. When he shifted forward, I just managed to catch his jacket and pull him to the floor. He made a good job at trying to fight me off, but… I told him if he was going to jump he'd have to take me with him because I wasn't letting go. Kakashi appeared not long after."

"Thank you," I whisper again. "For everything. And for taking him in." I catch his teal eyes with my own. "But you can't tell him I'm alive. It might cause suspicion if he starts acting differently. We can't afford to mess this up."

"I know," Gaara says. "But I couldn't tell him even if I wanted to. He isn't living at mine any more. They offered him a teaching position at the academy a couple months ago. I haven't seen him since."

A teacher? "How was he the last time you saw him?"

"I honestly don't know. After a while he smiled and laughed again, but it was as if something had gone out in him… like… his light, if that makes any sense? He came home drunk one night, kept saying it was his fault. He honestly believes you died because he wasn't there when you needed him most. He kept saying he wanted to leave the organisation. It sounded like he'd only stayed so long because you couldn't leave with him."

He had mentioned it a few times. Only a couple months training hadn't cost him much, and his debt had been paid within the first year. Mine was five times larger, but even if I could, I didn't know if I'd leave. I didn't know anything else.

"How does life get like this?" he asks, but I'm not sure he wants an answer. So I don't reply. We hear groups of young adults leave a bar below. They laugh and flirt and slur their words as they tell jokes. I listen until their voices disappear into the wind, and for a moment, I let myself wonder what life would be like to be one of them.

* * *

 **THREE YEARS EARLIER**

* * *

Kiba told me first.

Naruto was out the infirmary. But he wasn't in class. So when the bell rang to free us from last period, I didn't return to my own room. I made my way to his dorm, and knocked on his door before entering.

His head lifted, and his face scrunched, almost as if he hadn't expected me to visit. He paused, bandages in hand, and stared.

"Hey," I said. The word felt stupid as it filtered into the silent room.

"Hey," he said back and continued to rap the white cotton sheet around the burn on his arm. He winced, struggling to keep hold of the material.

I grabbed it and wound it around his arm. His skin still held blemishes, but they'd lessoned over the week he'd been incarcerated. "Didn't the nurses tell you to come to my room when you were released?"

"I don't need babying." He grabbed the bandages back and tied them with a hand and his teeth.

"I didn't think you did."

"Sasuke, what do you want, because I'm tired." His words were sharp, they almost made me flinch, but I didn't. I just sat on the end of his bed, like he had that time.

"I just wanted to make sure you were..."

"That I was okay? Yes, I'm perfect, can't you tell?" Could I tell? No, not really. The black circles around his eyes were now a light purple, and the deep purples against his chest and abdomen were now a light pink. He seemed healthier now he'd slept and eaten, but his body still looked as if he'd had a fight with a bulldozer and lost. "I'm sorry," he said when I didn't reply.

"Don't apologise."

"It's just. I'm on a lot of medication right now." I noted the collection of bottles and packets on his desk. "And I'm… I don't know, I'm not going to lie, I'm embarrassed."

"Don't be embarrassed." Because really, what did he have to be embarrassed about? What Danzo did wasn't designed for him to get through easily. There was no passing. He wasn't supposed to stay strong. It was designed for him to cry and beg and break. "Thank you… for taking my place."

His blue eyes found their way back to my face, and he blinked, a little surprised, as if he hadn't expected my gratitude.

"I owe you," I said, because I did. I owed him big time.

"It's fine," he said. "I was expecting it anyway, so it doesn't make much difference."

He apparently knew me before the academy, I wanted to broach the subject but didn't feel it was fair to bombard him with questions straight away, so I let it sit in the air. Like Danzo had suggested, he may not even remember speaking those words.

He sighed and leaned his back against the cold wall. His shirt still sat on the floor where he must've thrown it to get the bandages on, and I noticed the dips of his muscles as he raised his legs. And so, we sat in silence. Me staring at him as he gazed at the wall.

"At least I still have my own teeth." I think that was supposed to be a joke, but it didn't make either of us laugh. He was, after all, actually really lucky they hadn't been ripped from his gum. Danzo's job was to break the boy, not damage him permanently. I believed the man was skilled enough to know when enough was enough. Everyone had a limit, and the teacher had pushed just beyond it, before calling the training to an end. "He came to see me in the infirmary."

"Danzo?"

"Hmm," he hummed. "Told me I'd done well and gave me some chocolate. I can't remember the last time I'd eaten anything sweet. Made me feel kind of sick, actually… Oh!" He stood too quickly, slowed his pace when he almost toppled over, and dug through his desk's drawer. "I saved you some." He held the silver wrapper out, but I didn't take it. He must've misread my expression. "What? Don't you like chocolate?"

"Why would you do that?"

He shrugged. "Well, you've been here five years, so I thought maybe..."

He'd taken my place in The Chamber, taken all that suffering upon himself, and yet he was still thinking of me. "You've already done too much," I said, and he placed the chocolate upon the white duvet.

"It's yours if you want it, but don't tell Gaara, I didn't leave him any." A serene expression coasted across his face when he smiled, and it made me queasy. I was a complete coward, I'd let him take my place without so much of a word, and still, he was…

"Don't do that."

His smile fell. "Do what?"

"Be so kind to me. I've done nothing to deserve it."

He sat back on the bed. "You have." His nose wrinkled in mock-offence. "Even if you don't remember."

I hadn't brought the subject up myself, so I deemed it okay to ask. "What did you mean, when you said we knew each other?"

"Straight to the point then, eh?" He grinned and the purple around his eyes deepened at the creases.

"Sorry."

"Nah, I was expecting you to ask, so I thought I'd coax it. We met when we were younger. Our dads were on a case together, so I stayed at your house for a few days. You were the first kid I'd ever met." His lips twisted. "You were my first friend. I'm kind of surprised you don't remember. We weren't that young."

"I'm sorry, I don't." Perhaps he was mistaking me for someone else.

"How can you not?" He laughed and poked my arm. "How can you not remember how angry our dads were when we ran away together? Granted, we got no farther than your old tree-house, but hell, they spent hours looking for us." He winced. "I got such a smack."

Wait. I remembered _that_. But… it couldn't have been him. I remembered a blond man at our home, but with a daughter. I spent weeks after that finding long, blonde strands of hair all over the place. I remembered childhood games, laughing. I remembered overhearing they were leaving and concocting a, at the time, brilliant plan to live in my tree-house so she wouldn't have to go. There had been no whisker-like scars on her face. But then, she'd never worn a skirt or dress, either.

Fingers waved in front of my face. "Hello, mission-control to Sasuke. Do you read?"

I slapped his hand away.

"Are you okay, you've gone red?"

My cheeks burned. It couldn't have been him. "I don't remember."

"Your eyes are watering. You're lying." He laughed and leaned closer with narrowing eyelids, but that playful glint never disappeared. "Why're you so red, Sasuke?" He said through smirking lips.

A fake childhood wedding flashed through my mind's eye. Rings made of daisies. A kiss and a promise to be together forever.

I scooted away from his onslaught of stares, arm raising as if to defend myself, but as much as I tried, I couldn't calm the burning in my skin. "You… you didn't have long hair as a child… did you?"

He burst then, and I was certain every gash on his face would split from the force of his laughter. He wiped his eyes, and my skin burned harder, but this time it mixed with anger. "You do remember," he said after calming enough to speak.

"Why the hell did you have long hair?"

He shrugged. "We hadn't been home for a year, so mum hadn't cut it."

"That's a stupid excuse."

He snickered. "Don't tell me you thought I was a girl?"

"Urusai, baka. What the hell else would I think at that age?"

"There's no need to shout."

"Of course I thought you were a girl, why else would I have..." My words hung in the air, and Naruto leaned against the wall again, grin never leaving his face. The bastard was enjoying this.

"Why else would you have married me?"

If he wasn't so beaten already, I'd have strangled him. "Don't say that."

He shrugged and laughed again. "We were kids, don't get so angry."

"You knew I was a boy?"

"Of course."

"Then why didn't you say anything back then?"

He picked at a scab on his arm. "I dunno. I guess, I just liked it when you kept calling me pretty."

Little crackles left my mouth as my fingers twitched toward his throat. Was this my punishment for letting Naruto take my place? Because I honestly didn't know what torture would be worse. But then I remembered the blond begging and crying on the floor and decided he definitely suffered more.

"Can we promise to never talk about this again?"

"Aw." His lip poked out. "But I thought we already promised to be together forever." That time I didn't care he was already battered, I punched his arm, albeit I did hold back, and received a satisfying yelp.

I tried to avoid him after that, but I couldn't. Not because of Naruto. No, not at all. At the end of every day I willed my feet to lead me to my room, but I'd always arrive at his. I couldn't help myself. He wasn't attending classes yet, and I couldn't bare the thought of him sitting alone all day and all evening, so against my better judgement, I made it my duty to take him his coursework and keep him company for a while.

He was usually perched at his desk or curled in bed. He took fewer meds now, but the tranquilliser type tablets still seemed to knock him out at times.

But he wasn't at either.

I placed the books upon his desk, but paused when something caught my attention. Pieces of paper littered the surface, pens and pencils strewn across the sheets, and I noticed the extraordinary pieces of art embedded into the paper. My fingers brushed across a few to sweep them to the side, revealing more of the artwork. Sunsets in black and white. Portraits of people I could only assume he knew. The blond man I recognised, but others held a long haired woman I'd never seen. Perhaps his mother? And a crazed looking white haired man smirked up at me.

These were… incredibly detailed.

The door squeaked and a smell of soap filled the room.

"Sasuke?" Naruto appeared in the doorway, and I turned my back to the people sketched on his desk. Blond hair stuck to his tanned cheeks, but this time wet from shampoo and water. Liquid dripped from the locks and trailed down the side of his neck until the drop collected in his collarbone. "You're not usually here this early." He gripped at the towel around his waist and I averted my gaze as he grabbed boxers from his drawer and shoved legs through the holes. He scrubbed his hair with the towel and hung it over his shoulders. The bruises were still visible, but they were fading fast.

The room warmed as that bead of water fell from his collarbone to lick at his chest, abs, and into the hem of his boxers.

"Sasuke?"

"Anata no shukudai." I pointed to the piles of books and coursework on his desk.

"Ah? Masaka." He flopped onto his bed, bouncing as his weight hit the mattress. His muscles tensed, and I found myself wanting to escape the compacted space immediately. He stared at me, and I cleared my throat.

"Ja, mata ashita aimashou."

"Neh, Sasuke-kun..."

"Hmm?"

"Why do you do that?"

"Nan—Do what?"

"Tokidoki Nihongo de hanasu."

I paused, fingers moving from the door handle to turn back to the blond boy. I didn't know why I'd sometimes swap between the two languages. I never thought about it since everyone at the school spoke both with ease. It was my parents first language, and they spoke it at home when I was younger, I perhaps felt it comforting. I clearly wasn't native to this country with my black hair, pale skin and Asian features, but I didn't often consider it. I definitely wasn't a Westerner, but still...

"At first I thought it might be your first language, but your parents never actually spoke anything but English to you when I stayed." I dabbled with languages as a child, but I hadn't become fluent until attending Konoha. He stood, boxers rubbing against his leg as he moved toward me. I leaned away from the door and he closed it. I suddenly felt very trapped. I was never good in tight spaces. I'd learned that in first year when they'd tested me for claustrophobia. Mr. baki had pulled me from the box when I'd began hyperventilating.

"Then I realised you tend to do it when you get annoyed." I stepped away when he became too close. "Or nervous."

"I don't get nervous."

His biceps crossed his body to fold. "No?"

"Don't be stupid, Naruto." I bit. "Move out the way, I have my own coursework I need to start. I can't stand around here all day."

"Do I make you uncomfortable?"

"What? Stop being so ridiculous."

"Is it because of the other day? You've been different since then."

My lips moved a few times. Had I been acting differently? Yes, I suppose I had. But after he'd taken my place in Danzo's class and after realising my childhood crush was no other than the bumbling blond idiot, of course I was. How could I not? It didn't help that there was something about the way he looked at me sometimes that made me uncomfortable. Whether that be a tiny glance from the side or a full on stare when he thought I was unaware, it always created this short of breath feeling that had me clutching at whatever I had close. At first I thought it was guilt, then maybe embarrassment because of our past, but then realising it was neither of those things, I didn't know what it was. And that confused me. It confused me more than anything else ever had, and that confusion was twisting its way into irritation and resentment.

"And don't try to say that you're not. I don't need observation training to realise that you're different all of a sudden."

This boy. This blond… I couldn't call him an idiot, because he clearly wasn't. My initial hatred toward him had been sucked away, being left with what I could only call a mild friendship. But it differed to what I held with Gaara. Naruto turned up one day, and throughout the months he'd been at the academy, it felt as if my life had turned upside down. There was just something about him. All those emotions I spent so many years hiding behind a wall now flooded one by one back into my consciousness. Hate, irritation, annoyance, they all mixed together along with a type of peace and contentment when I was with him.

But yet… "I don't know anything about you," I said. He turned up, and he knew me, even if he didn't know everything about me. But I hadn't remembered him. And I didn't know him, not really.

"Well," he said, pulling clothes from his wardrobe and changing into them. "What do you want to know?"

What did I want to know? Honestly, I didn't really know myself. And would he tell me the truth even if I asked? "Don't worry about it." I headed toward the door, but warm fingers wound around my wrist, stopping me in my tracks. I looked back into those ocean blue eyes, and there they were again, baring into me in a way that had my stomach twisting.

I wanted to leave, but I couldn't bring myself to go when he asked me to stay. I wanted to believe that I obeyed because I owed him, but in reality, I stayed because I wanted to. I liked being around him, he made me feel almost normal. And when that warmth crept from my wrist to my elbow, I tugged my arm lightly until he let go.

We didn't converse much to begin with, I just went back to the desk and continued studying the drawings. He didn't deny me access to the scribblings from his mind. He sat on his mattress, flicking through his coursework, every now and again writing something down. But even though I didn't look at him, I could feel those eyes watching me and my every move. Whenever I'd tilt my head in his direction, his attention would disappear back into his work. And that's how we stayed for a while, him staring at me as I pretended to be oblivious to the attention. In a way, I didn't mind. But in another, I was beginning to feel a little flustered, and that unusual feeling, like always, twisted into irritation.

"What?" I asked when I managed to catch his eyes. He hadn't looked away quick enough. Potentially lost in his own thoughts. Perhaps he was actually looking at the pieces of paper in my hand, not me. Maybe that was just my imagination.

"What?" he repeated the word that'd left my own lips.

"Why do you keep looking at me?"

"Hmm? Oh, I don't know... Sorry." He chewed the end of his pen and continued to scribble in his work book.

"These are pretty decent," I said when the room fell silent.

"Thanks."

"Did your dad teach you to draw?" I placed the last of the paper back onto the desk.

"No." He dropped the workbook and he scooted across the mattress until he was close enough to pick up a piece of the art himself. He held the picture of the long haired woman, and I noted the warm smile radiating from the shading. "My mum did." He peered at the woman. "She was amazing. Dad said she could've been an artist if circumstances were different. I think she wanted to be..." He put it back onto the desk. "She didn't want the life we had."

"Was your mum an assassin as well?" I asked. We didn't ask about each other's families. But, at that moment, it felt right, and I couldn't resist.

"Yeah, but she was an undercover agent before meeting Dad. That's how they met, actually, they worked together on a mission. She told me once..." he paused, eyes turning quizzical, almost as if he was reconsidering indulging me with so much information. Whatever had gone through his mind, he must've deemed me worthy of the personal details, because he continued. "...She was close to giving it all up. She was a year out from resigning and becoming an art teacher. She'd had enough. Seen too much." He sighed. "But then she met Dad, had me… wanted to protect us, I guess. That's how she died, protecting us… protecting me. The job got them both in the end." His eyes roamed the duvet and they tightened, but no tears formed. "It always does." His head turned in my direction. "It'll get us too one day."

"Perhaps."

"There's no perhaps about it. We're pawns, Sasuke. We're expendable. Especially with this academy now up and running. Every year there will be dozens more Sasukes and Narutos attending to train their way into being soldiers for the government to use."

"If you feel that way, why did you enrol?"

He shrugged and shuffled back to the other side of the bed to pick his coursework up. "Who knows?"

"You definitely do," I said, moving my weight from the desk to sit at the corner of his bed. I do wonder why I pushed the subject, but after months he was finally opening up, and it made me want more. A part of me, that selfish part that had been rooted from childhood, wanted to hear that he'd suffered like the rest of us. Then, I'd know we were the same. "You said… you said you enrolled because-"

"Don't, Sasuke. That's not fair."

No perhaps it wasn't, but it was already in the air. And no one ever said I was a fair person. Was I considering his feelings? No, probably not. But at that moment, I didn't care. And maybe that made me a bad person, but at that time, I didn't know how else to act. I'd seen a weakness, and I wanted the Intel. "-You didn't want to be alone?"

The edges of his notebook creased under the weight of his fingers. "Mostly," he mumbled.

Mostly? Had he lied to Danzo? No, just hadn't told the whole truth. That was either brave, or completely moronic. I leaned across the bed and stole the book as he had mine all those months ago, but I didn't drop it to the floor. He rushed forward to grab it back and I let him take it.

"Why're you so interested all of a sudden, anyway? A couple months ago you didn't want anything to do with me."

"That was before."

"Before what?"

"Before I became interested."

"Great. So now you've decided you want to know about me, and you expect me to just tell you everything. Just like that?" Honestly, yes, I wanted him to, but I knew it wouldn't be that easy. "You never tell _me_ anything. Not since that night we left the academy."

"There isn't much to tell," I said. "You asked me earlier what I wanted to know. I want to know why you enrolled at the academy. Especially now since you seem to think this path leads no where but death."

He clicked his tongue off his teeth, and that stare was back. But this time he was being completely obvious about it. There was no pretending I was unaware. If I hadn't known the impossibility of it, I may have believed he could see right into my soul. And so he stared at me, as I stared at him.

"I was supposed to enrol when the program began," he said. "But… something happened. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to. Dad told me you were enrolling, and I wanted to see you. But I didn't, and after a while I forgot about it, but then Dad was taken. I was completely alone. For months. I didn't know what to do, but then I remembered you and that this place existed. I suppose, I just wanted to belong somewhere. I don't know if I want to stay in this industry. But I suppose I have no one left to lose, so why bother doing anything else?"

"What happened. Why didn't you enrol?"

"That's enough, Sasuke." He sniffed. "You belong in this world."

"Why do you say that?"

"Just a hunch. But I have a feeling you're the type to suck everything you want, and then spit it out… but you can't turn back once a black-hole's gravitational pull grabs you."

I tried to tell him he was an idiot, that he wasn't making any sense. But I suppose he was making perfect sense. All those stares, those unusual glares. Perhaps he knew me a lot better than either of us made out. Looking back, I wonder if he had attempted to work out if being my friend was worth the risk. Worth being sucked into a world where you would always be second best to myself and my goals. I'm not completely a bad person, or at least Naruto refused to believe so, otherwise he wouldn't have gotten so attached. But once you lose certain parts of yourself, I don't think it's possible to fully regain them back.

* * *

 **Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed the chapter and can find time out of your busy day to give me your opinion through a review :).**

 **Ugawa**

 **x**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello**.

Thank you for your patience with this update. Each chapter can take me up to 20 hour to complete. Writing, redrafting, editing, editing it again... editing it again. It all takes a very long time, and I was beginning to think that there wasn't much interest in this story, so I had put it a little bit on the back burner. Although I do love writing it, that's a lot of time to spend on something that was just for myself. But it seems there are a few people who are really enjoying it, so I shall be continuing until the end.

A **big thank you** to everyone who has reviewed so far, and given me their opinion. Knowing that there are people who I am entertaining, makes the whole process worth while.

 _Shout-outs to the people who are encouraging me to put in the hours_ : **smoleren , inuyashamunkey, ONDER, HeartSNS, DeadThingsStayDead, Save Me From Candy, clio1111**, and to all the guests who have posted reviews.

Unfortunately, on a little bit of a bitter note, there was one reviewer, who I can only assume is quite young: KamiKageRyuuketsu. And who I can only assume didn't read the fic and goes to many profile writing very graphic posts about how the author should kill themselves. If you do ever read this, or if anyone who does this or something similar ever reads this, I just want to say. I am an adult, so no, your 'lovely' words did not bother me, it is hard to feel attacked or insulted by a child, but, there are many children and young teenagers who frequent this site. You should not be saying these things to other people. I know you probably feel invincible behind your computer screen, but please do not forget that you are attempting to bully real people and probably a large chunk of these people are children. It is a sad world we live in. It did make me double-take when it referenced me cutting off and choking on my own d***, when I am, in fact, a girl.

Anyway, onto the disclaimers: I do not own anything but the AU and the writing.

( **Chapter** : _8,000 words_ )

Songs mainly listened to when writing: _One ok Rock - The beginning / One ok Rock - Clock Strikes_

* * *

 _I Don't Enjoy to Watch you Crumble_

* * *

 **Present Day**

* * *

My knees and elbows slide silently across metal as I army crawl through the maze of ventilation pipes. Droplets of sweat dribble across my forehead. They appear and sink into the black clothing across my body, sticking them uncomfortably to every inch of my skin, but I don't focus on the distracting heat. Instead I concentrate on moving forward, following the directions being spoken in a low voice inside my head.

Beeps resonate through the ear-piece, indicating my whereabouts on the screen in front of Gaara. I press a finger against the communication equipment when I reach a crossroad in the system of pipes and wipe my sleeve against my face. The material is already soaked through, so the sweat just slides farther across my skin. "Left or right?" I ask, knowing Gaara is already scanning for the safest route. I hear his breath and little chewing noises as he bites his gums. Even under the current circumstances, I smile. This familiar sound reminds me of past missions - Naruto by my side as we both roll our eyes at the sucking and chewing noises of Gaara concentrating. He's always been a fidget when his mind works overtime. I suppose I'm just glad nothing has changed.

"Go left. Right is quicker, but there's twice the amount of bodies."

"That doesn't bother me."

"It will if you run into thirty trained Suna agents."

He can't see me, but I nod. "Left it is, then." I haven't been in Japan for a year to mess things up now. I'm so close.

"Besides," his raspy voice echoes through my brain. "I still haven't disconnected their feed. These firewalls are like nothing I've ever seen." I can hear his fingers tapping against keys and buttons. "If I want to get through undetected, I'm going to need a little more time. Worst case scenario I can cut it instantly, but they will know."

"Fine."

"Don't worry, we're making good time. No one knows you're there, and that's the most important factor right now. If they find out Konoha are infiltrating them, it could cause a full out war, or worse, Sarutobi clicks onto what's happening and we all die for real."

Gaara's right. I want this finished, but all in good time. With his help from the inside and Juugo's intel, we've managed to collect enough information to know where their main systems are hidden. Gaara is the best of the best, but even he has limits. He has their camera feeds and live blueprints, but he can't steal their files unless I'm inside to upload his virus.

I squeeze my eyes together as salty liquid enters them. The dim light shinning across the metal gives me a headache, and I pray to be able to exit soon. Crawling around in this heat for an hour would take its toll on anyone. But I carry on moving until I hear a door slam through the ear-piece. I wince at the impact of sound against my brain. "What was that?"

"Fuck," Gaara whispers.

I want to ask what's happening, but I sit still and wait, listening.

In the distance something hits the laminated flooring of Gaara's apartment and footsteps echo through.

"What're you doing here?" Gaara asks.

"Why're you sitting in the dark like a creature of the night?" The heat in the ventilation system disappears, draining completely until a bitter cold reaches my veins. It's him. I can't believe it's him. But I suppose he did always have impeccable timing. I lean against the metal walls, unable to say or do anything as Gaara proceeds to converse with Naruto. I don't realise I'm holding my breath until I gasp for air.

"I still have your spare key. Sorry, is this a… bad time?"

"Yes. No. Why're you here?"

"I've quit."

"You quit teaching?"

"No, Gaara, I've… I've quit the organisation."

"What? Wait, why?"

"Yeah, it was considerably easier than I thought it was going to be. They just let me go."

"No, Naruto, I can't discuss this right now. I'm really busy. Please, you need to-"

More footsteps pad against the floor, becoming louder. "What're you doing?" His voice, his familiarly soft voice vibrates through me. I close my eyes and press my head against the metal. I would give anything right this second to see him, to touch him. And for a moment, I completely forget where I am, and it feels… wonderful. "Are you eyes-n-earsing for someone?" I smile at the familiar Naruto-ism. "Why're you doing this here and not at the Towers?"

"Naruto, please, I am extremely busy right now."

"I would've called, but, you know, they take everything from you when you leave the organisation."

"For God's sake, just get out, for an hour or so. Just… just come back later."

"Fine, jeeeeez. I'll go grab some take-out and a few beers, do you want anything?"

"Sure, anything, just take your time."

Naruto mumbles something that I can't make out through the ear-piece, but the tone tells me he's sulking. "It's good to see you, too." Is all I hear.

Gaara sighs into my ear. "It's good to have you back. See you later."

It's been over a year since I've heard his voice. Over a year since I've seen him. Over a year since he found out I was dead. My hair scrapes across metal ridges as I attempt to banish these familiar thoughts and feelings. Because they hurt. And right this second, I can't focus on him.

"Sasuke?"

"I'm still here," I mumble, voice quieter than I mean it to be.

"Sorry."

"Not your fault." I clear my throat as quietly as possible. "Which way?"

"Keep moving forward. At the end you want to make a right. That will lead you above the room we need. But there seems to be… five people inside. I can't really tell, their body heat is being masked by the computers, so be careful."

Thousands of tiny taps reverberate as his fingers fly across his keyboard, and I push forward, banishing the memories that are threatening to enter the forefront of my mind. I have to forget Naruto, at least for now. The distraction from the heat is welcome. "I'm into their feed. I can freeze it, but once you enter that room, you have no longer than twenty minutes before it'll be back up and running. It seems to have a re-booter every half an hour or so... That's actually really clever, why don't we do that?"

I shake my head. "Gaara, you can compliment them later. Not to sound selfish or anything, but I really need you focused on me right now, not their system management."

"More than understandable. Okay, stop. You're directly above them. There should be a shaft you can knock through. Do you see it?"

"Yes," I whisper as I crawl up to a section of grills. I peer down and squint at the new light that invades my senses. Five people, just as Gaara has said – all sitting at computers, typing silently.

"You ready?"

I pull the gun from the back hem of my trousers and lift it ready to crash against the grills. I know I can't fire, it'll create too much noise, but it's a lot heavier than my fist. "Ready."

"The feed is freezing in three… two… one… go!"

My hand slams against the vent's floor, hard enough to drop it to the ground and I'm through the hole before anyone can even jump from their seat. The agent closest to me, cladded-out completely in Suna uniform, kicks his chair in my direction, but I catch and flip it with the toe of my shoe. He falls unconscious when I bring the gun against his skull. Before my arm lifts, I'm ducking away from an onslaught of kicks. I roll, swinging my legs out fast enough to bring two more agents down. I flick my wrist, sending the gun flying toward the agent attempting to run from the room. His body crumbles, and almost instantly a weight falls on my chest.

A middle-aged wrinkled face appears, and my head slams sideways at the force of his fist against my jaw. The room flickers black for a mili-second, but I blink away the stars. His fingers wind against my wrist, pinning it, and he punches me again. I wrap my legs around his waist and squeeze hard enough to crush his lungs. He wheezes, before frantically hitting out and letting go. I take the opportunity to flip him below me and lift my fist to crash into his nose. Blood splatters across his face, and his eyes roll back.

"Room's cleared," I say, flicking my hand to get rid of the pain that sinks in from the punches.

"Nicely done. Any computer is fine. Just plug in the stick."

I pull a memory stick from my vest pocket and slip it into the USB port. The screen springs to life. Thousands of long stringent code blink across black boxes in different corners of the monitor. I follow some of the code, but it's too quick. As soon as it appears, it's gone, being replaced by the next string of unreadable letters and numbers and signs.

"Did you make this from scratch?" I ask, leaning closer and letting the light flash across my face.

"I did, indeed," Gaara replies, but he's pre-occupied. I hear him chewing and typing, and imagine how focused he always looked at the academy while in tech class. He told me once, which I can only assume he has never told anyone else, that his mother had been a computer genius before dying during childbirth with him. After that, it was obvious why he always worked so hard. I never said anything, and neither did he, but we both knew it was to make her proud.

And proud, she definitely would be.

"Is your face covered?"

"Not currently," I say, moving away from the computer.

"We're at seventy percent and there are people heading in your direction. We don't have long before the feed reboots, and you're not going to be able to make a quick get away through the vents. There are too many people in the only areas you can exit."

He mumbles, almost as if his focus is separating in ten directions. Which it is, but I know he'll give me enough of his brain to get me out safely. I've been beside him when he's, as Naruto puts it, 'eyes-n-earsing' for someone, so I know his head is currently flying from one monitor to the next, fingers moving so fast no one can keep up. "So, once this has uploaded, you're going to have to make a run for it."

"What?" Is he insane? He wants me to just 'run' out of Suna.

"It's currently your highest chance for survival. I can navigate you, but you'll have to trust me."

I smirk. "Always."

"Cover your face, the feed is going to pick you up before you can exit the building."

So much for entering and leaving undetected. Gaara can see the live feed, and he won't have time to explain. So if he says that's my best chance, then it's my best chance.

"Ninety percent. Get ready." I pull the balaclava from my pocket that I'd taken off to not pass out from heat stroke in the vents, and fold it over my face, adjusting it just enough so I can see through the holes. The material heats up with my breath, dampening it around my mouth and nose.

"Ninety-eight… Sasuke, no hesitating, when I tell you to do something, do it. Got it?"

"Why do I feel this isn't going to be easy?"

"When is it ever?"

"Good point."

"Ninety-nine… One-hundred. Exit room. Turn left."

I swipe the memory stick and grab my gun as I run out the door. The corridor flies past as I sprint.

"Stop. Right door. Three people."

The door swings open, crashing against the wall as I enter. No need for silence any more. If they don't catch me, there's no suspicion on Konoha. There are plenty of organisations wanting to take down Suna, some more than us. I point my weapon at three skulls, and pass them before their bodies hit the floor. Some may consider it unnecessary death, I consider it getting out alive. If I'm caught, that's the whole mission down the drain. Not only is my life hanging in the balance, so is Kakashi's and now Gaara's, and leaving Naruto would've been pointless.

"Left at the bottom of this corridor. One person."

I skid left, almost banging into the wall and duck to swing my fist into the Suna agent's gut. He grunts, crumbling to the floor as I pass.

"You have to move faster. There's twenty bodies heading in your direction. The feed is back live, I don't have time to freeze it."

I duck as something whistles passed my ear, but I don't slow down. Another few shots go off in my direction and I zigzag. Pointing the gun over my shoulder, I shoot in the direction of the bullets, but wince and stumble when hot metal zips past my arm, fraying the material and burning my flesh.

"Left door."

I slam it open. What the fuck. Dead end. I pause, taking in the long room with large windows from floor to ceiling. He can not seriously be considering… I jolt forward when another bullet hits the wall. Men's shouts filter into the room.

"Through the third window. Trust me. Move. They're right behind you."

Fuck. I grit my teeth and pick up speed, throwing my arms in front of my face before pelting my body through the window, shattering it into a thousand pieces. For a moment, everything seems to pause. Then air whizzes past. I must've been at least twenty stories high.

"Ledge. Ledge. Ledge, Sasuke. Grab the ledge."

I throw my limbs, twisting my body in mid-air and swing my hand out to grab one of the ledges poking out from a floor below, but the speed of the impact does nothing to improve my aim. I yell when my hand smashes against the protruding concrete, missing it completely and somersaulting a few more floors. I right myself and attempt again with my other hand, this time latching onto it in time to stop my body falling any farther. But I don't have time to let out a breath of relief.

Gun fire litters from the broken window, missing me and landing on the ground below. I'm low enough to jump and roll without breaking any bones, but it's still going to hurt. I suck in a lungful of air and let myself fall the last two stories, landing centred enough to tuck and roll back into a standing position. I stumble forward before catching my balance, and run in the direction I've parked the unlicensed Alpha Romeo I'd hot-wired and hidden behind a derelict factory half a mile down the road.

Unlike Konoha Towers, that stood in the middle of a thriving city, disguised as a business premises, Suna keeps their main building just outside Nagasaki, in an abandoned area that was never rebuilt after a nuclear bomb during WWII.

The black car comes into view just as the sound of motorbikes rev behind me. Bullets zoom past, but this time in hundreds of loud bursts. The machine guns throw dirt and gravel into the air, but they miss. I fling open the car door, jump inside and twist the key that I'd left in the ignition. It sparks to life and I sling it into gear before lifting the clutch and pressing the accelerator peddle straight to the floor. The engine chokes and I shift it into fifth. Old, worn buildings flash past as I pick up speed. Sixty MPH. Seventy MPH. Eighty MPH. Ninety MPH.

The rear window smashes and the rest behind my head explodes. Just a little farther and I'll be too close to the city for the Suna agents to follow. They're already falling back. And as glassed buildings and people come into sight, the motorbikes disappear.

I let out a sigh and lift my foot, and as I enter main Nagasaki, I slow to the national speed limit. I can't help the soft chuckle that escapes my lips. I'd appeared and left Suna so quickly, they had no time to even fathom what was happening. It was the perfect escape.

I shift the car into third gear as street signs and pedestrians filter around me. Hat off to Gaara, he got me out alive. Just one complaint… "You could've told me the plan was to catch the ledge _before_ I'd jumped through the window." I twist the wheel and turn the car down a side road to park. I can't take it any farther, there may be a way Suna can track it, so I hop out and throw the keys inside. I peel off the balaclava and emerge back onto the street, where thousands of people go about their own business.

"I could have done. But then you might've realised how high you were and not jump."

I stop at a street corner and wait for the light to turn green for pedestrians, before crossing and entering a car-park where I'd parked the actual car I'd driven to Nagasaki in. "I'm beginning to remember why missions were more dangerous whenever you were involved."

"More dangerous or fun?" Gaara laughs. It's the first time I hear it since my 'death', and even before then, it wasn't very often I had the pleasure.

I arrive at the silver Mercedes and lay down to grab the keys I'd thrown underneath. I hadn't wanted to drop them while busy at Suna. I unlock the car and slide into the driver's seat. Now in the calm ambiance, It feels surreal that half an hour beforehand I was running for my life.

"Easy for you to say when you're sitting behind a computer screen." Everything is so silent; mine and Gaara's voices now the only sound, and for this moment, everything feels like it's back to the way it was. I press the key into the new ignition but don't feed the engine, I still want this peace for a little longer. "If this is ever the other way around, I'm going to have you scaling buildings with your bare hands when there's a ladder on the other side."

He laughs again, but it's cut short when the door to his apartment opens. My whole body loses its enthusiastic buzz as the adrenaline melts away to nothing. I know exactly who it is, and the peace suddenly feels very lonely.

"What're you laughing at?" Naruto asks in the background.

"Nothing," Gaara answers. I hear his swivel chair squeak as it twists.

"Are you finished?"

"Pretty much."

I play with the leather around the steering wheel, and for a moment, I wonder when the next time I'll hear either of their voices will be.

"Awesome. Get dressed, we're going out."

"But you've just got back."

"Yeah." I imagine Naruto fanning his hand in that way he always did when explaining himself. "But I met these girls when I was grabbing pizza and we, my friend, have been invited to go clubbing."

"Clu- No, Naruto, I'm busy. You've just quit the organisation; you need to slow down... And how did you leave for pizza and come back with an invitation out?"

The sound of a can's cap cracks. I can only assume the beer he'd left to purchase earlier. I place both hands firmly on the wheel and rest my head against my fingers. I suddenly feel very exhausted.

"Oh, come on. We need to celebrate, I'm now young, free, single _and_ unemployed. That definitely deserves one night of stupidity." I hear him gulping at the beer through the ear-piece, and I close my eyes. Young, free… single…

Another can cracks. "Besides, those two girls were fit." My blood spikes hotter than when I was in the ventilation system. "When was the last time you got laid?"

"What?" Gaara's voice goes quiet. He's taken off the communication equipment and a sharp clang indicates it being dropped against his computer table. But I can still make out their words in the silence of the car. "One, that has absolutely nothing to do with you. And two, are you having some form of mental breakdown? What the hell is wrong with you? You've just made a huge decision, and now you want to go out, get drunk and laid?"

There's a long pause in the apartment, before Naruto speaks again. "No… not me… I'm not ready for… for that. I just meant, they seem fun. And that's really what I need right now. We're young, we're only going to live once. I just… I just want to have fun."

There's another pause, and I can imagine Gaara running a hand through his hair. "If you're going to stay here, you're not drinking every day like before."

"You're the boss." Naruto chuckles, and I hear the earpiece rustle as Gaara puts it back in his ear. His voice is as loud as before.

"I still can't go out tonight. I have work to do."

I sigh against my hands, head still against the wheel. "The files can wait one night," I mumble. "Go with him… make sure he doesn't do anything too stupid."

There's another pause. "Okay," Gaara breathes out, and I know that answer is for me. "I'll come out with you, but no longer than two hours, do you understand?"

"You won't regret this."

"Oh, I'm sure I will."

The line goes dead, and I'm left alone in the silence of the car, with nothing but images and memories of Naruto flowing through my mind.

* * *

 **FOUR YEARS EARLIER**

* * *

We tried to avoid each other after that evening in Naruto's room. But it was impossible once he restarted classes. It began with full out blanking as we entered classrooms. Why? I'm still not completely sure. Especially since I was indebted to him. But his presence made me uncomfortable, overheated, irritated, and so I did my best to avoid him. I assumed he felt the same.

The avoiding soon converted to glares across the room, then to comments and remarks when passing in the corridor, until one or two weeks later, he flopped beside me in Computer Tech. He didn't say anything, just reached behind the computer to switch it on. Gaara peered up for a moment, then turned back to his own monitor, but before his head had turned away, I'd noticed the small smile and roll of his eyes.

I let out an audible huff so the blond boy knew I wasn't pleased about his intrusion, but I didn't tell him to get lost. And soon, we were back to normal and I'd forgotten why we'd stopped talking in the first place. I can only chalk it up to stupid teenage hormones and not understanding them.

He was now healed. No blemishes or broken skin remained across his body, and he was back to his usual self. Laughing and attempting to cause mischief until either Gaara or myself reminded him not to do anything stupid to get himself punished. He now understood, and unlike the Naruto who had no qualms at sneaking out of the facility, he thought about his actions and considered the consequences.

My pen scratched across the workbook, stopping every now and then while I glanced across the many guides and scrolls containing the information I needed to finish my paper on biological reactions to poisons. All generations filled the library – teenagers busying themselves with completing coursework that would be due in any time between now and the end of the academy year in two months. I'd never received anything but top marks on all assignments, and I wasn't letting that slip now we were near the end of our training.

We were the first year to graduate the program, and I was doing my best to complete our training as first candidate. I wanted to be Konoha Towers' new recruit. Only the best worked officially for the organisation. Others would be offered positions in sub-divisions, and I would not accept anything less than the best.

Silence enveloped the room, only being disturbed by the odd cough, turning page or younger generation whispering. So when a book clattered against the floor a couple tables over, everyone's head snapped up to glare at the offender. Attention was soon lost, and one by one students went back to their own studies. I watched as pale fingers curled tightly into long, brown threads of hair. His face was hidden behind shaking hands, but Neji was very distinguishable by his lack of haircuts over the years, even though the academy offered them for free.

He sat at his table, alone, as usual. Over the five years, I must've spoken as many words to him. We had no classes together, but I knew he wasn't one for wasting breath, and I respected him for that. He was the strong, silent type – made good grades and was a combat genius – but as I sat staring in his direction, something seemed off. A mild tremor resonated through his body, only really noticeable by the twitching fingers against his forehead and the shifting underneath his grey uniform. He suddenly stood, leaving his books and papers behind, before swiftly heading for the exit. I followed him with my eyes until-

"What do you think you're doing?" I knocked the pencil that had just stabbed my cheek out Naruto's grasp.

"You were staring."

"That doesn't give you an excuse to poke me with a pencil, what are you, five?"

Naruto grinned. "You tell me?" He pulled at blond locks. "How's my hair looking?" His grin widened when I narrowed my eyes. "Besides, shouldn't you be trained to notice your surroundings; I was holding that beside your face for at least twenty seconds."

"Do you mind keeping it down, I've read this same sentence five times now." Gaara's head remained lowered as his nose moved closer to his computer-virus guide. He flicked a page, red highlighter in hand to run across certain lines.

I lifted my pen to continue writing, but Naruto clearly had other ideas. His arms folded against the table as his head relaxed atop them. I attempted to scrawl out another few words, but I couldn't concentrate with those blue eyes following my every move. I took a breath to will away the irritating flipping sensation in my gut. "Now who's staring," I whispered, not looking in his direction. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing how distracting he was being. His mouth opened to reply, but he was cut short by a new intrusion at the table.

Naruto's head raised as Kiba slipped into the unoccupied seat beside Gaara. The redhead slammed his course-book shut. "Now what?" he grunted. One thing I learned very quickly in our first year – do not disturb Gaara when he was focused. If his mouth was twisting around as he chewed his gums, you left him alone. I knew first hand that coding was extremely intricate work, and I wasn't even close to his level. Naruto would tease him by saying we could all see the smoke escaping through his ears as he concentrated. I doubted Naruto even knew what concentration was.

"Just a quick pit-stop." Kiba raised his hands in defence against Gaara's glare. "Thought I should let everyone know, Baki's released the timetable and partner list for the final test. I've just seen it posted on his office door."

Gaara and I had been expecting it, wondering if Baki would partner us again for the second half. My turn to withhold intel. We locked eyes, and I nodded. I was ready, after what I did to him, I deserved anything he could throw at me. And if it was at his hands, I knew I could handle it. Saliva slid my throat as I said a silent goodbye to, at the very least, a few of my teeth. But I understood, I'd do the same.

"I'm beginning to regret battering you so badly in combat training this year," Kiba said, focusing on Gaara. "We've been partnered."

"I'm with you?" Gaara asked.

"Yeah, he hasn't used the same partnering this time. I guess he doesn't want any revenge attacks. You're lucky, Uchiha, I heard what you did to him." He flicked his thumb in the direction of Gaara's mouth. "But don't be taking that out on me. If you want the canines, go for it, they might replace them with bigger ones, but no more."

"It's against the rules to discuss this." Gaara reopened his guide.

"Yeah. Yeah. Right, I'm gonna go tell the others, they might not know either."

"Wait," Naruto piped up. "What about me? I haven't even taken the first half of this test yet."

Kiba stood, and stepped sideways to push the piece of furniture back underneath the table. He shrugged. "I can only assume they're taking your performance in The Chamber into consideration? You're on the list as interrogator."

"Who am I partnered with?" As if he even had to ask.

"You're sitting next to him." Kiba's head tipped in my direction. "You put on a pretty big display the other month." He shrugged again as if it didn't matter. "Of course they were going to put you two together. Anyway, I'll catch you lot later. Oh, wait. Have you seen Neji? I was supposed to give him some coursesheets back, but he disappeared after we saw the list on Baki's door."

"He left about ten minutes ago," I said.

Kiba nodded, before moving across the room to invade Lee and Sai's study space.

Naruto's attention moved back to my face.

"He's right." I picked my pen back up, steadying my hand against the tremor that was threatening to show. "Of course they've put us together." I put the tip against the paper to make sure it didn't shake. We knew this was coming, but just like Resolve training, that didn't make it any easier. All we could do was pretend we didn't care, build up that barrier just a little bit higher, because really, how else did we expect to get through it? It was one last time. Just one. Last. Time.

His features scrunched. I wasn't peering in his direction, but I could see it from the corner of my eye. "What do you mean 'of course they've put us together'? Why're you so calm about this?" His hand covered my wrist, but I ripped my limb away from the contact. Gaara stared for a moment, before digging his attention back into his book.

I still didn't look at him, just focused on a scroll, pretending to read.

"Sasuke?"

I tutted. "They've put us together because you showed..." How to put this? "….That you weren't indifferent toward me. They need to know you will follow orders no matter the circumstances. It's why they put me and Gaara together the first time. They knew we had some form of friendship, they needed to know it wouldn't be put above the organisation."

"So they want us to blindly follow any order like mindless soldiers?"

"Yes."

"That's fucking ridiculous."

"Keep your voice down."

"No, this place is fucking ridiculous."

"You enrolled into the program. What did you think happened here?"

His hands collided with the wooden surface. "I'm not doing that! I-"

"You two, get out. Now." My head snapped in Mr. Kabuto's direction. The librarian was stood, pointing toward the exit, eyes glaring through his glasses. I'd never heard him speak before, but then again, no students had ever started arguing in the middle of the library. My teeth ground together. I had never risen my voice in the presence of anyone else but this idiot, and now he was pushing me to create a scene.

Dozens of pairs of eyes focused on me. Some shocked, others curious. Gaara just rolled his and buried his head farther into his book, not wanting to direct any attention his way and get kicked out himself. He was probably glad to finally have some peace. I threw my pen down and grabbed the paper I'd been in the middle of writing, before turning tail and storming out the library.

It didn't take long for the bumbling moron to follow. Halfway down the corridor, he jogged beside me and slowed to my pace. "Go. Away," I bit, focusing on the corridor ahead, doing my best not to scrunch the pieces of paper between my fingers. I did not want to have to rewrite them just because Naruto had pissed me off. Again.

"Wait. We need to talk about this."

"No we don't. It's against the rules. We can not discuss the test." I sped up, wanting to reach the dorms so I could lock him out. Did I want this to happen? No. But I knew there was no choice. We were all in too deep, I was not failing this final test after five years of being in this God forsaken place just because he couldn't man the hell up.

"Sasuke, wait." He tried to touch my forearm, but I batted him away.

"I'm not having this argument." I didn't slow down. "Especially not in the middle of a corridor. I've made a big enough spectacle of myself lately because of you to last a lifetime."

"Fine." For a moment, I believed he'd given up. But that was definitely wishful thinking. As if that stubborn bastard would let something like this go that easily.

I stumbled over my feet when Naruto pushed me. I hadn't expected it, so when he forced open the toilet door and pushed me inside, I fell beside the sinks. "What?" I shouted. "What the hell do you want me to say?" I stood. "There is nothing we can do, so what's the point in discussing it?"

"They can't physically make us do this."

"We'll fail the test."

He shook his head, arm flying through the air to hang by his side. "Who the fuck cares, Sasuke?" His fingers splayed open. "It is a test. It is a stupid fucking test in a stupid fucking school. There's a much bigger world outside these walls." His voice lowered. "I understand. Really, I do. You don't know anything apart for this place, but there is a very big world out there, big enough to make this program meaningless. This academy is not life or death. What will happen, really, if they fail us? You are so fucking conditioned, and you can't even see it."

My forehead wrinkled together, and for a mili-second, I almost believed he made sense, but that was quickly squashed. What did he know? He hadn't been here, he hadn't lived my life. My goal. I was graduating. I was passing this program. I had to, because I had nothing else, and I refused to believe that everything I'd worked so hard for, what I'd lost my family for, was all meaningless.

"Just shut the fuck-"

"Wait." Naruto's hand paused in the air as he looked around. "What was that?"

"What was what?" I bit.

His nose scrunched as he peered around the room. Soft thuds echoed off the tiles. Every couple of seconds, a dull knock would filter into the air. It came from one of the cubicle doors. I stepped forward, slowly, before reaching to push it open.

My hand flew to my face to stop the low moan that was threatening to escape my lips. Blood pulsed through my body, but I didn't move. I was rooted to the ground. One hand still over my mouth as the other hung in the air where I'd pushed the cubicle open. I hadn't even noticed Naruto until he was pulling me away; away from the boy's body swaying side to side, shoes knocking against the confined walls, long brown hair hanging over his face and down his body.

My mouth watered and I pushed Naruto away just in time to turn and throw my stomach contents into the sink. I heaved, sweat pooling from my brow, and gripped the porcelain. Sweaty fingers slipping over it as I caught my breath. I lifted my head to the mirror and saw Naruto staring into the self-made grave. My shoulders rose and fell as I breathed, and I watched through the reflection as he stepped forward to check for a pulse.

"We have to get a teacher," he said, voice no higher than a murmur. "There's nothing we can do for him now."

I stared passed Naruto, watching Neji's motionless body as the rope around his neck ticked him side to side. My sight blurred, and my grip on the sink loosened. I hated myself for bailing, but my body moved at its own accord. Somewhere in the distance, I heard Naruto call my name, but I couldn't respond. One foot moved in front of the other, until I found myself at my dorm. I closed the door softly, but the click sounded like a hammer hitting metal. And that's where I stayed, back pressed against the thick wood, grey material wet against my skin. The frustratingly claustrophobic feeling that haunted me throughout first year came flooding back. The feeling of uselessness invaded my senses. The old childish distress that I had locked away threatened to rear its ugly head.

I bit into my lip, because there was nothing else I could do to banish those thoughts and feelings. The pain calmed me.

I was not weak. I did not let my emotions take over. I was Sasuke Uchiha. It was all I had left, my cold exterior, my hard faced demeanour. I had created this persona to survive, just like the rest of my generation. We built walls, we blocked out our human reactions. But as I sat there, attempting to hold onto this version of myself, the walls crack. Naruto's words, Neji's lifeless body. All the pain and suffering and deaths that had occurred throughout my life up until that point, I couldn't get rid of them as they circled my head. Because I wasn't always like this, before this place trapped me, I was… My mother's face flew through my mind, childhood games, laughing, running after my brother, meeting the long haired blond… And then suddenly I was thrust into this world. I changed myself, and I was doing just fine before Naruto entered.

I slammed my head against the door. This was his fault. These stupid, irrational emotions, they all began when he appeared, and I wanted them gone. I wanted him gone.

I can't say how long I'd sat on the floor, because honestly, I didn't know. It could've been an hour, it could've been two, all I know is that I didn't move until the wood vibrated against my skin, fixing me firmly into reality.

Another knock. "Sasuke, are you in there?"

I jumped to my feet, swinging the door open so fast I would've knocked myself out if it had made contact. "Get. Lost. Naruto." I didn't want him anywhere near me. Deep down I knew I was projecting my own disgust toward him, but at that moment I didn't care. Even being near him was making my skin crawl. Why couldn't he just leave me alone? This is what happened when you got close to someone, you became weak. That was why I spent so many years keeping everyone else behind my wall. Nothing good came of attachments.

I shoved the door to slam it, but his shoe tucked between the frame. If the impact had hurt, he didn't let it show. He pushed enough to slip inside and closed it behind him before I had the chance to physically remove him from my presence.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I didn't know my voice could reach such heights. "Leave me alone! Over and over and over and over, why won't you just let me be alone?"

His eyes widened and mouth hung open, but he didn't speak. The only sound between us was that of my breathing. I tried to calm it, but my heart was racing much too fast to catch my breath.

"Sasuke?" he whispered eventually.

"No, Naruto." Although my voice wasn't at the level it had been, I still yelled so loud my throat throbbed. "You come here and you pretend to know what's happening. You have absolutely no idea."

"Sasuke, please, I know you must be in shock, but-"

"Shock? I'm finally seeing everything clearly. You make out that I'm the selfish one, but you're the one who decided to come here and destroy everything."

"Destroy everything?"

"Everything was just fine. How could you understand? You've been here five minutes and you act like you know everything, but you don't. You don't understand a fucking thing. So just leave me alone! I don't want you around me. I don't want you here."

If I hadn't known the impossibility of it, I would've sworn his usually blue eyes flashed red. He shoved my shoulder until I stumbled backward. "I don't understand anything? You are so fucking naive. How can you not see how brainwashed you are? How brainwashed you all are. You think you know what it's like to suffer? For fuck's sake, Sasuke, you just freaked out over a dead body."

He stepped forward. "You have been trained inside a school, a safe environment, so you have no idea what it's like out on the field, where every situation really is life or death. You act like you're the only person in this world who has ever suffered." He gestured toward the scars on his face. The scars that had not existed when we first met as children. "This place, no, this organisation is not the real world, but you are so conditioned you don't know anything else. You need to open your eyes."

I scoffed. Blood boiling so intensely, I could practically hear the steam rising, but shouting wasn't getting me anywhere, so I attempted a different approach. I smirked and folded my arms as if he was no threat. It was the biggest insult I could give. "Are you finished? Because you really are just giving me a headache." I was hiding the anger so acutely, my voice trembled as I spoke.

His mouth gaped, but he just sniffed out a patronising laugh. That face, that stupid fucking patronising face, it's what tipped me completely over the edge. My fist flew toward it, but he grab my sleeved arm. His other hand jammed into my uniform and I grunted when he swung me against the door.

Air left my lungs, and I opened my eyes just in time to see a fist hurtling toward my face. But the pain never came, instead he collided with the wood beside my head. Dark blue eyes glared at me through slits. His chest rose and fell rapidly, and for a moment, we just stared. Stared at each other, daring the other to speak, but the words never came.

Instead, the now bloodied hand lifted to touch my face. I can only remember swallowing hard before his lips were touching mine. I froze. A fight I could handle, but this… my whole body stiffened, palms flattening against the wood behind me. Eyes still wide. Breath caught in my lungs. And almost as soon as it began, it was over. He'd pulled away, but he didn't look at me, his eyes roamed the floor and he released my grey shirt. He stepped back, but I still couldn't move. All anger had faded, leaving nothing but an empty hole in my chest.

"I'm sorry," was all he said before grabbing the door handle and pulling, dragging me forward as it opened. I didn't turn to watch him leave, but I heard the door click shut as he disappeared.

* * *

Thank you very much for reading. **If you can take the time out of your busy day to leave me your opinion in a review** , that'd be very much appreciated.

 **Ugawa**

 **x**


	5. Chapter 5

Here we go, guys. I hope you enjoy the new chapter.

A big **thank you** to everyone who reviewed the last chapter: **HeartSNS , smoleren, c** **lio1111, Kratos the Divine, Arw165, ****KizuAme, BooDaNutZ.** All of your words and opinions mean a lot to me. Seriously, guys, you are all amazing, and it really helps to spur me on. You are all my muses.

 **I was asked if I could recommend any other fics**. Of course. Before I was a SasuNaru/NaruSasu fan, I was a huge GaaNaru/NaruGaa fan. So, if you are into that, I recommend anything written by **Silentz**. By far one of the best Fanfic writers, and even though there has been no activity on the profile in a few years, I still find myself going back to re-read the stories. And:Reboot, being one of my all time fanfiction favourites. I also recommend anything written by **KizuKatana** for your SasuNaru/NaruSasu fix. Seriously, she is amazing. I have read every fic she has written. Some of them are extremely long, but you find yourself completely lost in the stories.

* * *

 _I Don't Enjoy to Watch You Crumble_

* * *

 **PRESENT DAY**

* * *

It takes two months to organise, decode and study the files. I don't hear from Gaara until he finds encrypted information that may contain intel on Konoha.

I sit, stirring a plastic fork within a pot of boiling ramen. I'm completely sick of the stuff, but it's quick and easy to prepare. I don't want to waste time on unnecessary tasks, such as cooking. I rub the dark holes on my face, sitting in front of a screen for hours every day took its toll three weeks into having the files, but that didn't slow my pace.

I suck at strands of noodle and notice my dishevelled appearance in the screen's reflection when it switches to black. A typing line blinks and flies across the monitor.

' _I've found something_ ,' Gaara types. ' _Encryption's too delicate. Can't risk sending. Get back to the country ASAP. I'll be in contact.'_

And so, just like before, I book the first flight to America.

I flash my fake passport to security control, and stroll through the airport with my small bag of belongings dangling over my shoulder. I've left the weapons I'd purchased in Japan, I'm not stupid enough to smuggle guns across the boarder without my official government title.

I stroll through duty free toward my gate, but pause at an aftershave stand and eye-up a clear glass bottle before turning it over in my hand. I notice my smile in the stand's mirror before I feel it on my face. This is the one Naruto bought me one Christmas. I spray the Hugo Boss on my neck, pat it with my wrist and close my eyes. It's just a second, but I feel the past swim around. For this moment, I'm back in our old apartment, getting ready to go out to dinner. ' _God, Sasuke_ ,' strong arms circle my waste as a nose digs into my neck from behind. ' _I love it when you wear that_.'

But then my flight is being announced over the tannoy and our apartment sinks away, morphing back into the bright airport with blinding white walls and floor.

It's over half a day later when I arrive in America, and almost twenty-four hours before I'm back in Konoha's city. I pull my hood farther over my face as the bus rolls to a stop around the corner from Gaara's apartment. He's told me to meet him there at one AM, so I can only assume the coast will be clear.

Blood pulses through my body, sending little prickles as I ascend the stairs to his apartment. I know Naruto is staying here, but I'm not stupid enough to think I will see him. The thought of being close makes my heart-rate treble. But Naruto is not why I'm here, so I need to focus.

My fingers brush across the last of the banister before my shoes pad over the carpeted hallway. The overhead lights flicker to life as I pass numbered doors until I reach his. I flick my knuckles against the wood once, and it swings open. Gaara steps aside to allow me entrance into his home.

The large, open planned kitchen-livingroom is exactly how I remember. Two brown, leather sofas facing each other in the centre with a glass table between, and against the farthest wall, his pride and joy. Five touch screen monitors all link to the computer Gaara had built. Three different keyboards, all different sizes, litter the heavy-duty table and all screens glow white in the dark apartment. He always preferred to work with no light around. He used to say it helped him concentrate. Unfortunately, working with screens in the dark for so many years is definitely the reason he now wears glasses to read. The bags under his eyes are worse than I remember, but I doubt my own look better.

I drop my bag beside the glass table between the sofas.

"How was your flight?" he asks, pouring me water from his fridge's filter system.

He passes it over and I take a few mouthfuls. "Long." I will never get used to flying economy. If we ever left the country, Konoha would send us out on one of their jets. No leg room and being seated beside a crying toddler for twelve hours was not my first choice of travel. Images of mine and Naruto's first mission abroad float through my mind. That mischievous glint in his eyes as the plane levels out in the sky and we're left alone with no cameras watching. I clear my throat. "And cramped."

I know I won't see him, but I peer around the apartment, anyway. "Is he still staying here?"

Gaara nods his head toward one of the bedroom doors. "For now. But he stays out most nights. He won't be back until morning. You won't run into him."

I don't ask where he goes, because honestly, a large part of me doesn't want to know. And that other small curious piece, well, I squash that as far to the back of my mind as possible.

He gestures toward the sofas before picking up an envelope and scattering pieces of paper across the glass table. I perch on a cushion and wait for Gaara to explain why he wanted me back.

"I haven't decoded the whole file yet, they definitely didn't want anyone getting into it. It's the only one with this amount of security. But what I've found within it..." He hands me a sheet.

I stretch across the table to take it. "These are..."

"Transcripts of past Konoha missions."

"What would they want with these?"

"I don't know yet. I think we'll get a better idea once I can get into the file properly. There is evidence of underhanded actions, but nothing concrete to pin on Sarutobi. Yet. This is currently our best lead, so I deemed it important enough to go through together."

I nod, knowing I wouldn't have gotten this far without him. And I really, truly appreciate all of his help.

A key clicks against the door and the lock slides. The redhead's face glows when the door swings open, flooding the room with light from the hallway. A shadow glides across the walls, and I stare up at Gaara from my new position on the floor. I lean against the front of the sofa. Whoever's at the door won't see me from here.

Drums beat in my ears as footsteps enter behind me. My eyes are frozen on Gaara as his eyes freeze on the open door.

He stands. "I thought you were out tonight."

"Hmm?" Naruto's shadow floats across the room as the light behind him creates a void against the furniture. "I am, but look at the state of this." He laughs and my insides melt. I cover my face with one hand and attempt to banish the pain that's creeping throughout my body. He's here, and all it'd take is me standing. I have the chance to see him for the first time in over a year… all it would take is one little movement.

Material rustles and a shirt lands on the sofa beside my head. It slips to crumple on the floor, and I hold my breath. "Someone spilt a drink all over me."

"Wait." Gaara holds his hand out. "You have a clean one hanging in the airing cupboard."

"You're right." His footsteps move the other way.

He's so close. I watch his shadow, but I can't see him. I want to. My body aches to touch him. My hand moves by itself onto the sofa's seat. I put pressure on my legs, all it would take is one little movement. To face him. To apologise and explain myself… because he will understand. He has to.

"Naruto?" A female voice floats throughout the apartment and I drop my arm back to my side. "Come on, what's taking you so long?" Heels click against Gaara's laminated flooring, and a much smaller, thinner shadow appears across the sofas and stretches across the room. "Oh, hey, Gaara. Woah, nice set up. What's with all the computers?"

"He's a secret agent," Naruto calls from a side-room and laughs at his own 'joke' as he re-enters the living space. "How do I look?"

"Great," the girl says. "She'll love that. Come on, we're already late meeting her."

"Sure you don't want to come, Gaara?" Naruto says, shadow moving toward the door.

"I'm busy."

"You work too hard," the female says, "you need to come out more often."

"Next time," he says as the two shadows shrink. The clicking disappears, but Naruto's body pauses. "What's wrong?" Gaara asks, and I see his pale, thin neck throb as he swallows.

"Nothing, I just… thought I could smell…"

"Naruto, come on."

He laughs, and his shadow rubs at its head. "It's nothing, I must be going crazy. See you later." The door clicks shut, plunging us back into a dim glow from the computer screens.

Gaara tuts. "That is so typical of him. It's the first time he's ever come back for anything… You okay?"

"Yeah," I mumble, but I'm not. I'm far from okay. "This was a bad idea," I say. "I shouldn't have come here."

"It is a stupid idea." He heads for the kitchen, and the fridge buzzes when he opens it and pulls out two beers. He cracks one open and hands it over before sitting beside me. "But we can't send these files over the internet. I can mask them but it's too dangerous. I need your help if I'm going to get through them any time soon, and we need my computer. So it has to be here."

I nod slowly and raise the can to my lips. The cold liquid washes into my stomach, but does nothing to calm the alarms going off in my head.

"You still wear the same aftershave?" he asks.

"I saw it in Duty Free, so I used it."

"Why would you do that?"

I shrug, because I believe I'm not sure, but I know, deep down, I did it on purpose. Perhaps, a part of me wanted it to linger in the air. For him to smell. Maybe, subconsciously, I wanted to give him a sign… make him think about me, the same way I think about him.

"You've had a long day," Gaara says and lifts his own can to his mouth. "We'll start going through these files together another night, until then, we can do the final ones separately. But this encrypted one, I'm going to need your help with."

I roll the cold metal between my hands, and peer at the shirt discarded on the floor. I curl my fingers into it before lifting it to my face. I don't care if Gaara is watching, I just want to smell him. Just one more time. The sweet musky smell of his skin still lingers in the material, even with the over powering stench of alcohol coming from it. "How's he doing?"

"He's doing really well," he says. "Better than before. He still drinks far too much, but if it helps, then who am I tell him to stop? Especially since I know you're alive."

"None of this is your fault," I say, because it's not. When he found out I was alive he was instantly put between a rock and a hard place.

"Perhaps not, but I'm the one who's been there at his lowest points, I've seen his pain, and I'm staying quiet. Before he started staying out, I'd hear him crying most nights. Still. Over a year later. God knows what's been going through his head. But, day by day, he's been doing better. He's left the organisation, he's making new friends, he's taking a college course."

"College course?"

"In art. He's actually really good."

I smile over the rim of the can. "He's always been good… His mum taught him to draw." I remember the beautifully detailed drawings of people who he had once known. People who he had loved and lost.

"I didn't know that."

"Does he have any pieces here?"

Gaara hesitates, but eventually nods. "In his room." He nudges his head toward the door. "Go for it, just don't move anything."

I've always been amazed at how tidy Naruto is. You wouldn't guess it if you knew him. But just like his room at the academy, and at our apartment, it is spotless. No clothes thrown around. Everything is folded or hung perfectly. His bed is pristinely crease free, and atop the pillow is a sketchpad.

My fingers sweep across the door frame, before I fully enter the room.

Artificial light cuts through his blinds, creating sharp lines against the walls. I feel a pang of guilt for prying dangerously into his privacy, but it is nothing compared to the guilt I've already experienced, so I sit atop his mattress and enter the images of his mind.

I glide past fields, of towns, of half finished body parts, half finished facial features, until I reach a page of eyes. Intricate, detailed eyes, all clearly showing different emotions even without facial structure to back them up. They are familiar. It takes a moment to realise that they're mine. My eyes, staring back at me, every emotion I could describe, all clearly showing in specific detail.

I take a breath and turn another page. Me again, this time full bodied, but my face is shaded away. I can tell it's me by the hair, the body composition. The next page, me and him, but my face is still shaded. A couple more pages of the same, until… New eyes. A new face. Pages full of a long, dark haired girl. She smiles at me, mocking me. I close the pad and sit in the humming silence.

I squish it against my chest and close my eyes. I want to lay down. I want to bury my face into his pillow, smell him. Pretend none of this has happened and I'm waiting for him to return from the Towers. But I don't because I don't want to leave my scent, or a stray hair. I don't want to bring up painful and confusing feelings if he catches another whiff of the aftershave. The feelings that I'm feeling now as I clutch his sketch pad full of images of another.

I drop it back to his pillow and see something on his night-stand flash against the light. I pause, before lifting the items. I roll them between my fingers. Two silver rings, his and mine, wound between a chain.

Gaara appears in the doorway, but I don't look at him. "He's worn that since the day you… left."

I nod.

"He's recently started taking it off."

I nod again, this time feeling as if a knife pierces my chest.

I squeeze the jewellery. "He's never going to forgive me, is he?"

I turn to Gaara now, and notice the sad smile and soft eyes looking back. "Would you?" I like to think I would, but honestly, after all this time, probably not. I don't speak, because we both know the answer.

* * *

 **FOUR YEARS EARLIER**

* * *

 _I can only remember swallowing hard before his lips were touching mine. I froze. A fight I could handle, but this… my whole body stiffened, palms flattening against the wood behind me. Eyes still wide. Breath caught in my lungs. And almost as soon as it began, it was over. He'd pulled away, but he didn't look at me, his eyes roamed the floor and he released my grey shirt. He stepped back, but I still couldn't move. All anger had faded, leaving nothing but an empty hole in my chest._

 _"I'm sorry," was all he said before grabbing the door handle and pulling, dragging me forward as it opened. I didn't turn to watch him leave, but I heard the door click shut as he disappeared._

What… just happened?

My fingertips raised to brush across my bottom lip.

What the hell just…

When everything crashes – the test, Neji's body swinging in the cubicle, Naruto's harsh words – you would expect to feel something. Because I did, or at least I had. My whole existence had pulsated, my brain was splitting into a million pieces, but yet… now I just felt... hollow.

I dropped my arm, letting it swing by my side. He'd… put his lips on mine, and then just left. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't a complete emotional recluse. I knew what a kiss was, but my head couldn't quite rationalise that that's what Naruto had been attempting to do.

And so, I stood, staring at the door, mildly hoping he'd come back through it, even if I didn't quite understand why. I supposed the same reason I let him drag me out the facility at Christmas, or why I never quite pulled away whenever his hand found mine. The same reason we'd become so close as children - back before our harsh lives moulded us into the people we were that day. We had fallen for each other years before, in our innocent, childish way, and now, it was happening again – at a rate I couldn't keep up with.

It was still another couple hours before curfew, and laying on my mattress, staring at the cracks in the ceiling, had taken its toll on my patience, so I left. I wandered silently through the corridor, hands dug inside pockets, passed other students carrying books and scrolls, some conversing or laughing. But they paused as I passed. I felt their eyes prying into my head like daggers. Students would always stare, but that day they watched me intensely. Perhaps the killing intent radiating off me had been higher, but maybe, just maybe, it had softened for the first time in five years.

My mind hovered across the idea of invading Naruto's personal space, like he had mine. I was sure he'd be tucked alone in his room, and it wouldn't be hard to corner and interrogate him. I knew it wouldn't be hard to crack him, his handle on emotional spouting was lax at the best of times. But I didn't. I didn't want to talk about what had happened. What he had meant by his words and why he had… I found my hand leaving my pocket to touch my lip again, but stuffed it back inside when a brown, spikey-haired fourth year raised an eyebrow in my direction. I narrowed my eyes, and he turned on his heel and practically ran away.

The room was thankfully empty, and fell into a muffled silence as I placed the noise cancelling equipment over my head and tucked my hair away. The padding pressed against my ears, making nothing but my heartbeat audible. I loaded the glock and placed it firmly between my hands, pressed the trigger, and missed the target completely. I frowned. I hadn't missed a target since first year. I aimed again; missed again. Damn it. Resting the gun against the table, I sighed, closed my eyes, and sighed again.

What the hell was happening to me? Two months left before I could join Konoha officially. I had dreamed about this since I enrolled so many years before, but yet, now, when so close, my performance, my whole core, was being thrown off balance, and I honestly had no idea what to do. I didn't know how I should've felt about anything, because I had locked that part up and thrown away the key so many years ago, and somehow, everything was slipping through the cracks.

When fingers touched my shoulder, I fully expected to turn and find blue orbs, but instead, teal ones glanced back as I lowered the gun from between his eyes.

I pulled the noise mufflers off. "Hasn't anyone ever told you not to sneak up on someone with a loaded gun."

He shrugged. "You're controlled enough not to shoot an ally by mistake. Although..." He peered past my shoulder at the human shaped target and the new holes in the wall behind it. "Perhaps today I shouldn't have been so confident."

"Why're you here?" I asked, clicking the safety into place and dropping the gun atop the booth's shelf. Gaara could shoot, he was no sniper, but he had aim. However, his 'free' time was spent in the computer rooms, never here.

"I saw Naruto earlier, heading from the direction of your dorm."

"So?" I swept past him. Perhaps I'd have better luck with a rifle.

My shoulders tensed when gun shots exploded. Two holes embedded themselves in the target. One through the brain, the other through the heart. An empty cartridge bounced off the floor as Gaara slotted and clicked a new one into place. "So, he looked… agitated. Mumbled something about always ruining everything. You haven't broken him, have you?"

"Tch." I lowered the LR-300 I'd been examining and leaned against a table. The same table Naruto and I had sat at all those months ago. "Why would you just assume it was my fault?"

He shrugged, moving on from the subject, and raised the gun again to punch three more bullets through the same hole in the brain. "I heard about Neji." He lowered it back to where I'd left it and exited the booth to sit beside me. "You found him?"

I nodded.

"What a waste. He would've gone far."

"I didn't know him, not really."

"Neither did I. In fact, I don't think anyone did… Five years in this place without a single bond. Must've been tough."

I snorted. Sounded perfect to me. No one to distract you, make you weak.

"You don't think so?" Gaara asked. Those teal eyes stared at me sceptically, judging me, reading me the way he always could.

"They make you weak," I said, because honestly, he already knew what I was thinking, so there was no need to hide the words like I did with everyone else.

"So our bond makes you weak?"

"At times," I responded honestly again. "I wouldn't have felt such guilt about doing the things I did to you if we didn't have a friendship."

"That doesn't make you weak, Sasuke. That makes you human."

But wasn't that the same thing?

"And your bond with Naruto?"

I'm certain Gaara noticed my body stiffen, but he didn't mention it. "That's-"

"Different?" His intelligent eyes roamed my face, looking for a falter, a flinch. Waiting for me to lie.

"...Yes."

He nodded, approving of my honesty. We had never lied to one another, we had no reason to, so I had no need to now. Lying wouldn't have made a difference. He had obviously come up with his own conclusions, and just like in Tech class, he was usually right. His mind worked in a calculating way. He watched and waited and listened, and would come up with an answer in any situation.

"When you have no one to fight for, you have no reason to survive." He looked at the ceiling, voice lower than it had been. "I know I wouldn't have made it this far without my siblings… or you. The bonds I have, they make me want to work harder, to fight, to keep them protected. It has not been an easy five years. We have all suffered more than any teenager should, but if they completely take away who you are, they've won. They will keep you until you're useless or until you die. It's a harsh reality, but it's the truth."

I didn't reply. I couldn't. Because I had nothing to say. Naruto had been saying pretty much the same thing since The Chamber.

"You need to speak to him. Don't let your stubborn-ass destroy whatever's going on between you, because you will regret it."

What _was_ going on between us? I didn't even know myself. But Gaara was right, we would have to talk eventually. Just not yet.

* * *

I dropped to the ground when a fist flew toward my jaw, and swung my leg out to trip my attacker. Kiba jumped before round-housing toward my head. I moved flat against the floor and rolled into a crouch. He was a strong opponent, and definitely gave me more of a challenge than anyone from my old Combat Class. It hadn't taken Gai long to realise that I was the closest match for the black belt, and would usually pair us during training.

Sweat tickled my neck as it trickled from my hairline, but I didn't move to wipe it away. Every manoeuvre was critical when fighting the tattoo-cheeked boy.

I still hadn't spoken to Naruto. The weekend had passed, and he hadn't attempted to search me out, so I hadn't bothered, either. We would talk eventually, but I wasn't planning on being the one to approach him. We would talk when he came to me, or we wouldn't talk at all. It was simple. This was his fault, and I didn't want him to think I was bothered by any of it, so, like I did best, I let all the unspoken words hang in the air like weights on a thread.

Kiba stepped forward and I raised in time to block another attack with my forearm, but when Gaara tumbled across the floor just behind him, my attention was sudden stolen. I glanced at the thin, pale boy, before locking eyes with the person attempting to help him up. He blinked, ocean blue abducting my focus... until a black hole invaded my vision.

I don't think I fell unconscious, mostly because everyone's voices never disappeared. Little sparks of light danced and waved. One by one, they faded, being replaced with huge, black eyebrows and the face of a middle-aged scowling man. I gritted my teeth against the pain in my face and swallowed warm, iron-tasting saliva. I sat up, noticing everyone peering down at me, and tried to stand. When a wave of nausea hit, I placed a hand over my mouth to swallow down the bile threatening to leave my stomach.

"How many fingers am I holding up?" Gai asked, thrusting three digits in my face.

"I'm not blind," I bit, mostly from embarrassment. I heaved mildly, the strain causing a sharp pain in my temple.

"Someone take him to the infirmary."

"I'm fine. I can continue." There was no way I'd allow Kiba to gain another victory. Especially when my failure wasn't even my own fault. I had been momentarily distracted, by _him_ , again. "Tch." I knocked Gai's hand when he attempted to lift me.

"You need to get checked over, Uchiha. You hit your head pretty hard. No one has died in my class yet, and I'd rather keep it that way. Concussion is no joke. You're dismissed."

"I'll take him," Naruto moved forward within the crowd.

"I can take myself."

"Someone needs to go with you." Gai scribbled on his clipboard, no doubt my performance.

"I'll go." Gaara stepped forward. He knew there was no way I'd go to the infirmary with Naruto. It was bad enough being knocked semi-unconscious in front of him. I wasn't going to let him play dutiful friend as well.

I nodded and let him lead the way. We fell into step, passing through the corridors and other classrooms.

"I'm fine," I said, eventually.

"I'm sure you are. There's no shame in checking. What happened?"

"Nothing, I just lost concentration."

"That's very unlike you."

Everything was very unlike me lately. No one and nothing had ever distracted me like Naruto did. And I was doing my best not to focus on why.

Mr. Kakashi's grey, spiky hair came into view as we turned a corner. He paused in that lop-sided nonchalant pose he fell into so easily, and raised a hand in a lazy salute. His one visible eye squinted as he undoubtedly smiled behind his black mask. "Yo." He had always been my favourite teacher at the academy. He was clever, strong. He'd taught me so much. But mostly, it was because he was the closest thing to human compared to the others.

"Sir." I nodded.

He scanned my face. "That's a nice looking black eye you have forming there."

Damn it. Kakashi had been transferred to Konoha Towers months ago. This was the first he saw of me - beaten and heading to the infirmary.

"What brings you here, Sir?" Gaara asked the question we were both wondering.

"Ah, yes. This." He lifted a sealed envelope. "I'm delivering the potential candidates for Konoha Towers. It's just a preliminary draft. We will be officially deciding once your final practical and written tests are complete and once you've graduated." He watched me eye up the envelope in his hands. "I have been tracking all of your progress. Hiruzen and I are both mostly impressed with how you are all doing."

"Thank you," Gaara said, nodding his head ever so slightly.

"Although, I must admit. I am concerned about your progress since I left, Sasuke. Has something been bothering you?"

My fist shook beside my leg. "No, Sir. Everything is fine."

"Hmm, I suppose that's good to hear. However, I was hoping there was something that could be fixed, since this drop in improvement all of a sudden is rather worrying. I had money on you graduating head and shoulders above the rest." His eye squinted again as his head tilted. "I guess I'll be losing that fifty bucks… Are you off to the infirmary?"

I couldn't control the curl in my lip. "No," I bit, swinging around and storming in the direction we'd just came. We were going to sort this out _now_ , my future was not being affected by that blond moron. Although, years later, when thinking back to that moment, I did wonder if those words had been spoken on purpose. Did he want to light a fire under my belly, the way a real teacher should?

Class had been dismissed before I'd returned. Naruto also hadn't been at his room, or library, or computer lab. I had almost given up my search, when I found him in the gym.

Liquid dripped in impressive amounts across his tanned back, down his washboard abs and off his forehead. His knees wrapped around the pull-up bar as he hovered upside down, crunching toward his knees. I noted the puddle beneath him, and suddenly, all the words that had been swirling through my mind completely dried up and abandoned me. I could do nothing but watch the extraordinary core control as he reached up to grab the bar and start pulling his weight up and down in slow, controlled movements. It wasn't until he lifted his legs again to carry on the crunches that he realised I stood in the doorway.

There was no running away this time. For either of us. I stepped into the room as he righted himself and jumped down.

"Sasuke, I..." He rubbed at the sweat on his face. "I didn't notice you, sorry, have you been there long?" He eyed me sceptically when I stood in front of him. His cheeks flushed red from exertion.

"No." I willed my focus to remain on his face, and not follow the drops of sweat rolling from his chin and across his torso. What the hell was wrong with me? The test. My grade. Him being the monumental distraction that was going to affect it all. That was why I was there. "We need to talk."

He grabbed his grey shirt from the floor, and rubbed it across his skin, mopping up some of the shine. "Yeah." He scrubbed it against his neck. "We do… uh… I need to-"

"You need to take the Intel Extraction test."

He paused, before removing the now wet shirt from his skin. "That's what we need to talk about?"

It was time to swallow part of my pride and be honest. Him refusing to take the test wouldn't really affect my final grade, because if he didn't do it, someone else would. I'd told myself that because it was easier to accept than the reality. My grades were dropping, but that wasn't solely his responsibility. I had been the one to allow myself to become distracted. His presence was just the main cause, but if I hadn't allowed myself to get attached in the way I had, I wouldn't have been so thrown off balance.

"You have to agree to take the test."

"What would've been the point in me taking your place in The Chamber if a few months later I'd be doing similar to you myself?" His head shook. "I won't do it."

"You said you came here because you had no one left."

One blond eyebrow raised. "Yeah… so?"

"So, you enrolled because I was here, and I was the last bond you had, even if there was no guarantee that I'd even remember."

"How is that going to change my mind?"

"Because," I said, subconsciously licking at my dry lips. "If you don't take this test, you will be showing them that you won't prioritise their orders, and you will not graduate. You will be put into a sub-division until you repay your debt."

"So?"

"I'm taking the test. I'm going to graduate and I plan to be hired as an agent in Konoha Towers. After graduation, our lives will go in completely different directions, we will never work together, we potentially won't see each other."

"Is this you attempting to blackmail me?"

"No. It's the truth. And..." Why was this so difficult? I'd said similar to Gaara before, but this felt so different. I fought off the warmth that was threatening to spread across my cheeks. "I would much rather suffer at your hands, than anyone else's."

Blue irises disappeared behind closed lids. He sighed, before opening them again. "I still don't know."

"Please… Naruto." Our eyes locked. I don't think I'd said his name before that moment, and I definitely had not ever said please.

For a second, it looked like he was going to agree. But instead, he slipped the wet shirt over his head. "I need a shower. Can we… talk about this later?"

I nodded.

"I'll come find you."

It took him a few hours to eventually arrive at my room. When he knocked, I called for him to enter, and he stepped silently into my only piece of privacy. Fresh shampoo and soap entered my nostrils when he stepped closer, and his clean grey uniform hugged at his biceps as she shifted uncomfortably under my stare. I placed the scroll I'd been struggling to concentrate on next to me, and sat straight against the cold wall.

"Okay," he said. "I'll do it. But only because it's going to happen anyway." His focus deviated to the floor, before settling back onto me. "And, I'd prefer to be able to protect you in the future… I can't do that if they stick me in some mail room somewhere."

"I don't think they'd stick you in a mail room."

He scoffed, incredulously. "I didn't mean literally. Sometimes you can be so… I don't know." The corner of his lips tilted up minutely. "Do you mind if I..." He gestured to the mattress, and I nodded. "I'm not really sure what you want me to do, though."

"I want you to do whatever you've been trained to do. They will stop you when you're going too far."

"'When'?"

"That's how it ends. I give up the intel, or you go too far and they call it to an end. It would be counterproductive to lose any potential candidates because of a test."

"Yeah, but what do they consider too far?"

"Actually having the gun loaded this time."

"Oh, come on, I've already apologised for that. But seriously, what's too far?"

"When they think I've reached my limit and still not given up. So you need to be serious. They're not stupid. They'll know if you're holding back."

He scooted farther up the bed. And that's where we sat for a moment, both staring at the wall in front, shoulders so close the material of our shirts must've been touching. I wanted to move away when an uncomfortable stirring filled my stomach, but I didn't. I didn't want to disturb the peace, so I sat still, silently, until he spoke.

"I don't know if I can hurt you like that."

"Pretend it's not me."

"How am I supposed to do that?"

I shrugged. "Put a paper bag over my head."

His facial features twisted into complete shock, until he burst out laughing. His eyes creased, and I wondered if he'd lost his mind. "Did you just try to make a joke? Seriously? The first time you show a sense of humour, and it's about this. That is so fucked up."

I tightened my lips when they tried to shift into a smile and shook my head at his reaction. It wasn't supposed to be that funny.

His chuckling died, but the humour still sat in his eyes. He shifted to nudge me lightly with his shoulder, but then the playful glint disappeared and his face fell suddenly very serious. "There's something else we need to talk about."

"No there isn't," I said, because I knew what he was going to say, and I really didn't want to bring it up.

"Yes, there is. I need to apologise for… what I said."

I found myself raising an eyebrow. That's what he wanted to talk about? Because honestly, I didn't believe that for one second. He wouldn't have said those words if he hadn't meant them. I wasn't a child; I didn't need him to apologise for voicing an opinion, and I doubted he was one for 'apologising' for potentially hurting someone's feelings if he believed what he said was true.

No, that wasn't what he wanted to talk about, and fuck it, if we were no longer beating around the bush, and if he was going to take the test for my sake, then the least I could do was bring up the awkward subject and not let it hang between us any more.

Because we both knew it happened.

"For what you said?"

"Uh, yeah, I shouldn't have-"

"Not for kissing me?"

I don't think I'd ever seen anyone appear so mortified, but that's the only way I can describe the look that unfolded onto his face. His mouth hung open as little choking noises escaped, almost as if he were trying to form words but had lost all intelligent trail of thought. His face almost resembled the colour of Gaara's hair, and as much as I tried to keep my usual stoic look plastered across my face, I felt my eyebrow twitch ever so slightly as my skin prickled with heat. Saying it out loud was definitely worse than it sounded in my head, but it was too late, and smacking myself for being so stupid was not an option.

"I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry." He shifted uncomfortably, as if noticing for the first time how close he had sat.

"Then why did you?"

"What? I don't know. I just- I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"Well, I guess- Why does it matter? I shouldn't have done it. I'm sorry. It won't happen again." He moved a little farther from my side.

"Okay," was the only word I could think to say.

"You don't want it to happen again, right?"

Did I? I supposed I understood why his answer was 'I don't know'. Because honestly, I didn't know either. When his lips had touched mine, all I'd felt was a hole embed its way into my gut, but it was… peaceful? I couldn't describe it, I had never felt everything melt away so instantly before. My head told me to say 'no', but I shrugged instead. And again I wanted to smack myself for probably seeming so indecisive. I wasn't some kid who didn't know his own mind, but I was. That's exactly what I was. A kid, who didn't know what he felt or how to feel, because it was all so foreign. We had all lost our childhood too soon; some things I just didn't know how to process.

"You didn't hate it?"

That time I did find myself saying 'no', because honestly, I hadn't hated it. And for a moment, when his gaze locked with mine, I thought he was going to do it again, but he didn't. He just sat there, staring at me, before turning away. And a tiny thread of disappointed sewed into my gut.

"I should go, it's almost curfew." He stood, but before opening my door, he turned back to face me. "Sasuke, if we have to get through this test, I don't think I can be around you until it's over. I hope you understand." And with that, he slipped out the room, leaving me alone, again.

* * *

I hope you enjoyed the new chapter.

Please review if you have the time. I appreciate all opinions.

Ugawa

xx


	6. Chapter 6

Hey, guys. Here's the next chapter.

I have been debating bringing Naruto's POV forward in future chapters. Starting from Sasuke's death. Let me know what you think?

A giant thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I have not had a chance to reply individually. This is the first time I have logged into FF since posting the last chapter. I have been away and moved into my own place and been working full time. Please don't hate me, I shall be replying to all my last reviews tomorrow as it is now 1AM. Each one of you spurs me on to continue.

Please let me know your thoughts on the chapter. I'm trying something a little different with the set up. Let me know if you like how the different stages in their lives mingle together

x

* * *

Naruto stayed true to his words.

He entered classes late, just so he didn't have to acknowledge me. Free time he spent in his room or training alone. I didn't seek him out. I left him to his own devices, but each day became harder. Gaara didn't acknowledge the sudden disinterest. He just let us continue avoiding one another.

Even that last morning he abstained. I thought he'd at least attempt to say something, but he didn't. I watched him grab a tray and perch at an empty table - like he had every other morning that week.

Quiet fell upon the Food Hall. Usually, younger generation's voices bombarded the room. But the final test was public knowledge, and perhaps they sensed the tension radiating from every first year.

Boys hunched over trays, poking at untouched food and dishevelled from lack of rest. All thinking the same. Just one last time. Because, of course, since we hadn't experienced life outside the academy walls, we didn't consider suffering much worse one day, at the hands of an enemy. At that moment, we didn't contemplate the future, just the task inevitably laying ahead.

I ran a fork through the eggs mixed with oats, before abandoning all thoughts of eating.

"Not sleep well?" Gaara asked, placing his tray opposite mine and lifting his legs over the bench to sit. He wouldn't ask if I was 'okay', because of course none of us were.

"What gave that away?"

"The bags under your eyes are a good indication."

"Says you."

He nodded, before lifting a fork to his mouth and chewing the eggs. He pointed his eating utensil at my food. "You need to eat."

"I don't remember you eating when you were in my position." Because he hadn't. That morning, he hadn't even grabbed a tray.

"Your right," he said. "And trust me, hunger is the last thing you want today."

I dug into the breakfast, before chewing a small bite. I peered over Gaara's shoulder, Naruto still sat alone, blond tuft of hair sticking out his grey shirt.

"You're still not speaking?" Gaara asked, not looking but somehow knowing exactly what had pulled my attention.

"He is avoiding me."

"You did the same. I assumed you thought it would make it easier." His teal eyes connected with mine. "Did it?"

"No," I admitted.

A new tray collapsed beside mine, and two legs lifted over the bench I sat on.

"Kiba," Gaara acknowledged him, before turning back to his breakfast. "What brings you to our table this morning?"

"It's a free country, I can sit where I want." He smirked, but his eyes faltered – trembled.

"We still can't discuss the test."

"I know that. But… what I said about the canines, you know that was a joke, right? Because I'm quite attached to them. Literally. And-"

"Kiba."

"Yes. Yes. I know, we can't discuss the test."

"No. You're going to survive this."

A steely determination filled brown eyes, and the boy gave a sharp nod, because that's what he'd wanted – some reassurance. No one else would've given it, but Gaara had been kind enough. Another fine example of how tragic we were. The world saw one side. Cold, steely, tough. But in reality, it was learned behaviour. On the inside, we were terrified by this world thrust upon us.

"Did you guys hear about Lee?" Kiba asked after a few moments of silence.

"What about him?" I asked.

"He's excused from taking the test, because his partner… Well, you know about Neji."

Images of a motionless body filled my mind's eye. Word had spread quickly. But no official statement had been made. No memorial. The body would've been collected and sent to his family. He was no longer Konoha's problem. He'd been trained for their use, and then discarded when he hadn't survived the harsh reality posed.

"None of us knew he was struggling… and so close to graduating." He pushed his tray away, not even having attempted to eat. "Lee said Neji never really wanted to be here. Something about being forced to serve the main family in his clan. They were pretty rich, so paid for his training outright. When he graduated, he'd have been sent back instead of working for Konoha. I guess, he really, really didn't want to."

"None of us will ever know what went through his head," Gaara said. "Sasuke, eat. I'm going to go tell Naruto to do the same."

Gaara left Kiba and I in silence as we forced down our food. Each mouthful fell into my twisting gut like led, but Gaara was right, I needed my strength more-so today than ever. No part of this was going to be easy. Even if Naruto did try to go easy, I knew he couldn't be lenient if we were going to pass.

I'd told him to do whatever he'd been trained to do, but I had no idea what that was, and that made me… more nervous. If I knew his capabilities, what sort of pain he would inflict, then I could muster my own training. When Baki put us against each other that first day, he hadn't used much force. He'd used his brain, he'd bluffed the intel from me. But he couldn't do the same now.

When a loud ringing flooded into the dining room, my fork fell, clattering against the tray.

"Let's get this over with," Kiba said, voice low and hands shaking, before standing and leaving the room.

I wanted to speak with Naruto. Just like the day of resolve training, I wanted to say something, anything, but no words came to mind. Again, there was nothing I could say to make this easier. Because today, I wasn't the only one who was going to suffer.

Naruto and Gaara stood from their table, and when I caught sight of those ocean blue eyes and furrowing brow, I knew he felt the same.

Baki and Danzo stood at the front. Each boy sat silently, waiting. All glassy eyed and blank faced, staring forward. Gaara turned in his seat and nodded, giving that last ounce of reassurance, before shifting to face the two teachers.

"Uchiha, don't just stand there, sit down." Baki passed a pile of papers to Danzo, and the man handed them out.

I slipped slowly into the seat at the back of the room, next to Naruto. His shoulders straightened.

"Welcome to your final test." Baki folded his arms. His eyes flowed over us, and again, I found myself wondering if he gained a sick pleasure in our suffering. When his gaze landed on me, I stared back, not giving him the satisfaction of seeing any emotion in my features. I let my cheeks soften, like I had done so many times before. And when his focus lingered, I tilted one side of my mouth upward. It was tiny, but I knew he'd see. "I don't want any permanent damage. Do you understand? You all need to be fit for graduation in two months."

Naruto took two sheets from Danzo and slid one across the table without peering in my direction. But unlike when he took my place in The Chamber, he read every word. Potentially looking for a loophole. I'd already read it the day I'd interrogated Gaara. There was no loophole, there was no way around what needed to be done. If there had been, my eyes would've found it. So I just signed. A few minutes later, Naruto did the same.

"I will take you through in pairs and set you up." Baki collected the signed sheets. "Like before, there will be a one way mirror where Danzo and myself will watch and assess your performances. Your rooms will be beside one another, and there will be cameras in every corner. Any attempt to fake or dishonour this test, and you will fail automatically. Konoha only wants the best, and this will sidle out the weaklings." Baki pulled our signed papers into a stack, and continued around the room. "Anything to add, Danzo?"

The older teacher stood at the front, arms folded, eyes closed. Slowly, his lids opened. "This is not going to be pleasant. Remember your training, and why you're doing this." His arms unfolded. "We all strive to protect the innocent. To protect those we love. As your teachers we are proud of what you have accomplished. We have not been lenient, and one day you will understand why. This is your final test, don't let yourselves down now." He nodded, arms moving back across his body. "Good luck."

"Yes, we understand this training has not been easy. We understand that mistakes have been made, but you were the first generation of students. You should all be proud of the sacrifices you have made to perfect this curriculum. And for that, Konoha thanks you."

Tight shoulders and stiffened backs faltered. Out of everything they could've said, that was definitely not the speeches we expected. Perhaps I was wrong… maybe, they didn't enjoy this as much as I'd thought.

"Right, enough of the pleasantries." He picked the top sheet from the stack. "Gaara. Kiba. With me."

The two boys followed. The door clicked shut, leaving us alone in the dim lighted holding cell. A few boys swapped whispered words, others sat still, waiting their turn.

Naruto fiddled with his pen, flipping it between his fingers, before catching it in a fist and squeezing it so tight the plastic creaked. His eyes focused ahead, never wavering in my direction. I didn't expect to say anything. Even as my mouth opened, I didn't know what was going to escape. I just knew I had to say something, because soon, it'd be too late.

"It's okay," I said, voice so hushed I doubted even the boys on the table beside ours heard. His head didn't turn, but I knew I had his attention when he stopped playing with the pen. "I forgive you, for anything that happens."

He didn't reply, but he let go of the pen and took the hand that sat in my lap. He wound his fingers around mine, and I let him. Because the warmth radiating from his skin calmed my heart. Like all those times before, it was comforting. I tightened my grip, not wanting to lose contact.

His thumb moved gently, creating little tingles across my skin, and for a moment, I wanted more. I wanted this calm to consume me, to take me away from this room where we waited to be tortured. I turned my head fully toward him, wanting to catch those eyes and drown within the depths. But his head never moved and his focus never turned.

The door opened, and Naruto pulled away. The heat sinking into my skin disappeared, being replaced with a chill when Baki called our names. He stood first, silently, until I removed myself from my chair and followed Baki down the tiny corridor that lead to the testing room. He pushed a door open and gestured for us to enter.

It was identical to the one I had Gaara in. A giant mirror reflected the contents of the dark room. Only a small ceiling light hung on a thin wire. A wooden table and chairs sat close to the door, and just like The Chamber, the flooring mingled with brick on one side. Chains and cuffs, equipment of all styles sat around the edges, all dangling from rusted hooks or shelves.

I willed my feet to move, but they became steel when I took one step in front of the other. It smelled the same. Metallic, with the hint of steriliser hanging in the air.

"Alright, boys." He handed me an envelope. "There is a colour on that sheet of paper. Naruto, your objective is to obtain the knowledge of that colour. We shall be watching. You may do whatever you want, as long as he is fit to graduate, if he passes, in two months." Baki moved toward the door. "You may begin."

I didn't recognise the look that possessed Naruto's eyes when he looked at me for the first time in a week. I'd never seen that dark focus. And I knew I was no longer in the presence of the same boy who held my hand just minutes before.

"Sit down," he said, voice resembling no parallel to anything I'd heard from him.

I followed his order, knowing Danzo was watching from the one-way glass. I pulled the chair, and dropped myself into the uncomfortable piece of furniture. He had gone into character. I understood. I'd done the same to Gaara. To get through this, you became someone else. Forget about all bonds and emotions. You couldn't falter for even a second, because if you did, getting it back would be close to impossible.

He grabbed a jug of water from a shelf and placed it in front of me. "Drink."

I couldn't grasp his reasons, but I took a sip. I wasn't thirsty. And I didn't think I could hold much within my stomach. But when I lowered it to the table, he drove it back toward me.

"No. We need to get this started properly. More."

I raised the jug back to my lips and took a couple more mouthfuls. He scoffed. "I'm not thirsty," I said.

"I didn't ask if you were thirsty." He thrust it back in my direction.

I attempted again, but my stomach was already full. When I lowered it, he shoved it into my mouth, making me choke. Fingers tightened into my hair, pulling my head back as he tilted the glass against my teeth.

"Drink it, or I'm going to drown you with it." He tipped it higher, letting the liquid run over my mouth and nose. Water washed into my lungs, making me choke harder. He pulled it away long enough for me to catch my breath, before pouring it down my throat again. I took as much as possible, until the onslaught of water made me gag. He ripped it away and jammed a hand against my mouth to stop me throwing it back up.

I coughed again, and his tanned hand disappeared.

My stomach churned as the liquid washed around. He put the jug back onto the shelf, before pulling his own chair out. "Is there any point wasting my breath asking what the card said yet?" I stayed silent. "I didn't think so." He chuckled. But not like ever before. This was dark. Satanic. He leaned back in the chair, arms folded. "Well, I can't say I'm surprised. But we'll get there."

He fell silent, and I waited patiently. There was plenty of time. He could take as much of it as he wanted. "I'm going to enjoy this," he said. I stared at the table, but noticed the smirk planted on his face. "You think that no one can penetrate that mask, but really, you're just scared, aren't you?"

He prompted a reply when I didn't answer. "No," was all I said. Because honestly, I didn't think I was anything special, I was no genius, unlike my brother. I just worked hard. And, no, I wasn't scared of him. Because this was only a test, and moments before he had been rubbing my hand in reassurance.

"So you don't fear failing this test?" A blond brow raised.

"No." That definitely wasn't right. I wasn't 'scared' of failing, I just couldn't.

"You don't worry about losing, being forgotten, being left behind?"

"No," I said a little more sternly, feeling my temple throb. What the hell was he saying? Logically, I knew he couldn't mean anything, but that didn't stop the irritation bubbling.

"So why do you fight so hard to prove yourself?" I remained silent and his features twisted into a scowl, dark eyes pinning me. "You battle with yourself every day to keep that calm, collected persona. You need to have control, don't you? Does it bother you that you have no control now?"

"No." I lied. What was the point in this? Was his game mental manipulation so he didn't have to physically hurt me? Did he think that was going to work?

"No… So do you enjoy not being in control?"

"No."

"So you don't like it?"

"What does this have to do with anything?"

He shrugged. "I just want to know who I'm dealing with." His hands moved across the table's wooden surface as he leaned a little closer. "I want to know how to destroy you in the most efficient way."

Those dark eyes and twist of his mouth radiated something I'd never seen or sensed before. For a moment, I wondered if he really was going to enjoy this. That notion produced a layer of sweat across my palms.

"What about when your parents died?"

"What about then?" I bit, anger spiking. My fingers twitched to form a fist, but I remained as passive as possible.

"They left you in this place. It would make sense why you're scared to be left behind again."

"I'm not scared."

"Is that your biggest fear? Never amounting to anything? Not making them proud? Because they gave you away to train here, they obviously expected something from you?"

"You're wrong." My fingers tightened farther. What irritated me most was that I couldn't do anything about his ridiculous rambling.

"Am I hitting a nerve?"

"No."

"You told me it was all you had left. This place and graduat-

White sparked across my vision, and I stood, hands colliding with the table, momentarily shocking the blond into silence. How fucking dare he use my words against me, I wanted to rip his throat out, I wanted to scream bloody murder, but the second I stood, reality came crashing back as to where I was, who was watching, and what my outburst could mean. But fuck it, and fuck him, if he was going to take me down, I wasn't going to passively let it happen. Nothing in the rule books said I had to sit and take it. "Don't act like you know me. This moronic drivel has nothing to do with anything. If you're going to do this, do it. Don't insult me with your inability to actually do anything but sit there spouting shit."

He snorted out an irritable laugh. "There's that spirit." He stood, emphasizing every movement as he slipped from the chair and rounded the table. "You're going to need that." His fingers wound around my hand, but the touch wasn't soft. Before I could pull away, he'd pinned my arm and dragged me toward the glass. My teeth gritted when I collided with it and a growl emerged from my throat when he scrapped his fingers through my hair and thrust my face toward the mirror.

I thrashed but he held tight. My other hand pressed against the glass to keep me from banging into it again. There was no use. Like the day he had me against the cubicle wall in the shooting-room, he was too strong. So I saved my strength and stilled, chest raising and falling. My scalp burned as his fingers tightened around the black strands.

His tanned features appeared beside mine and his reflection stared. Eyes so dark, and whiskers so prominent, I wondered if I really was dealing with someone new. "What do you see when you look in the mirror?" he asked beside my ear. I looked back at myself. "No response? Do you want to know what I see?"

"Not really." I winced when my arm twisted farther.

"I see a lonely little boy. Abandoned. Lost. Forgotten." I collided with the glass again when I tried to shove him off. My teeth creaked under the pressure. His mouth moved closer to my ear, but his eyes never left my face. "I see that kid who chased his older brother and cried when he wouldn't play with him."

"I'm warning you." He was wrong.

"I see that child who sulked and pouted when his father chastised him for not being stronger, smarter." My focus shifted between his face and my own. Why was he saying this? "I see that little boy who hugged up to his mother every evening."

My mouth dried. "Don't."

"They dumped you here. You couldn't save them. And now you're trying to make up for that."

My gaze lowered, bangs falling over my eyes. I murmured something, but it was so quiet, even I hadn't heard it.

"What was that?"

My limbs tightened. "I said, fuck you!"

My shoulder-blades hit the mirror and a fist sunk into my gut. I grunted, leaning into his body to stay upright. The food Gaara insisted I ate threatened to make an appearance, but I swallowed it, forcing myself to breathe. My feet scraped against the metal floor, until the bricks scuffed my shoes. A bitter cold ran across my skin when my back made contact with the stone wall. He locked the rusting, metal cuffs around my wrists and stepped back.

The chains clanked when I thrust against them.

He sniffed. "That should keep you still for once."

My back left the bitter wall, but collapsed into it when I gave up the fight. "You don't know anything about me," I shouted, not letting his last comments go. Because fuck him. I loathed him for making me think about them, for reminding me of everything I had tried so hard to forget.

"You don't think so?" he said, stepping closer. He didn't flinch when I tried to punch him, because honestly, my hand barely left the wall. "You might not admit any of this to yourself, but we both know it's true."

The restraints cut into my wrists, causing a burning throughout my hand and forearm as a stronger metallic scent filled the air. His onslaught of comments and questioning didn't cease. He kept going and going and going, never accepting my denial as truth. For hours, he didn't relent. He continued, until my mind twisted itself into knots. He didn't stop, even when I told him to hit me instead. Anything would've been better than his words, because then, at least I could've gone into a meditative state to withstand the blows. But this…

At one point, I stopped responding. I could no longer deny, because his rigorous examination sank in, making me believe every word. My mind was exhausted, my body ached from standing against the cold wall, arms raised, for so many hours. I just wanted to sleep to get away from it, but that wasn't a possibility.

I was trapped.

"What's the matter?" he asked, eventually. "I thought you were much stronger willed than this."

My teeth bared, but I didn't retort. My knees bent, letting my back rest harder against the bricks. I'd been twisting my legs, tightening and loosening them to attempt a comfortable position against the throbbing in my bladder.

He'd been sitting on the table, but when I shifted that final time, he stood. "Are you uncomfortable?" His arm raised and rested against the stone, fingers so close to mine they brushed against my skin. "What's wrong?" he asked, flattening his hand against my chest, pushing me firm against the wall.

"Don't touch me." It came out as a whisper.

"Has that water gone through you?" His palm slid down my chest, across my stomach, until it pressed against my abdomen. I resisted the urge to groan. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. "We could stop this. All you need to do is tell me what colour was on your card."

I flicked my eyes sideways toward him. As if a couple hours of mental probing would make me falter.

"No?" He pressed harder into my bladder. "Well, I think you'd be much more comfortable if you just..."

No. It had only been a few hours. I refused to do something so shameful so early. And especially not in front of him. My nose scrunched as I breathed against the ache. I wouldn't. I couldn't.

The pressure subsided for a moment, before becoming stronger, and I was unable to hold it any longer. It started with a small trickle, before a full, warm flow slithered my leg, pooling in my shoe and creating a puddle around my foot. A strong smell of urine filled the air, and even under the circumstances, heat flooded my cheeks.

The grey pants stuck to my leg, itching my skin as the warmth quickly turned cold.

"Wow," Naruto muttered. "It was two days before that happened to me. But you've managed to piss yourself in, what, five hours? You really have no control, do you?" That feeling, of wanted to crawl into a ball and hide from the world. I don't think it'd ever been so prominent.

And he just left me like that, until the uniform's fabric dried, sticking it uncomfortably to my skin. The itch was unbearable as he sat on a chair, cross examining me. I wanted to kick him, wipe that knowing, smug look from his face. But I didn't. Partly because he'd positioned the chair just out of reach, partly because I didn't have the energy to even try. At one point, I couldn't quite remember when, my eyes fell shut. The only thing keeping me conscious was the searing sensation in my arms, from lack of blood and metal cutting into flesh.

Faint footsteps and steel scratching across a shelf echoed throughout the walls, but it wasn't until the blond was standing in front of me that I was fully conscious and back in the room. My head raised and a blade's edge touched my cheek. The cold, flat surface slapped against my skin a few times, before tracing the edge of my jaw and resting above my neck. Pain I could handle, it was the constant talking, and questioning and dissecting and memories that I couldn't take anymore. How many hours had it been? I'd lost track after eight.

"We should get you out of these. They stink." The knife never pierced me, instead it sliced against my shirt. Very accurately, never making contact with my skin. The material slid to the floor, revealing my pale chest and the layer of sweat crawling around me. I'd seen him semi-naked, but he'd never seen so much of my skin bared. Not many had. So when the uniform crumpled to the floor, including my trousers, I felt exposed. The chill in the air increased. The chains above me rattled as I attempted to curl a little. But it was useless against the cuffs holding me against the wall. I could do nothing but stand, waiting for him to do whatever he wanted.

* * *

Present Day

* * *

The bell above the café door jingles as another customer enters. A woman with long, blonde hair waves and latches arms with a man already waiting, and they lean against the counter, hoping to be noticed by the barista. I turn to my own steaming black Americano and brush my fingers against the edge of my hood, making sure the navy material still covers my face with decent enough shadow.

The studio apartment Gaara had paid cash to rent was worse than uncomfortable. Out of all the places I have occupied within the last year, it definitely takes the award for most uninhabitable. The unrelenting dripping into a bucket played on my last nerve, leaving me with no other option than to take a walk. My eyes are tired. I wouldn't have been much use going through more files right now, anyway.

Adults couple themselves at tables, chatting over hot beverages. Smiling, laughing, living their ordinary lives. I chew down the pang of jealousy the moment it appears and wash it down with a mouthful of hot coffee. Being back in the city brings memories. On a rare day off, we would head to a café, sometimes with Gaara. I never quite understood why Naruto liked to ruin his coffee with so much sugar. I would chastise him, but never meaning my words. We hadn't been to this particular establishment. I need to blend in, and not risk being recognised. We'd passed it once, though. I'd considered bringing him here, but that never happened.

I remain quiet against the corner, not wanting to exist in anyone's memory. But when the chair in front pulls out, I peer up from my cup to see spiked grey hair and that old, familiar eye-patch. He sits opposite, his one good eye squinting as he smiles.

"Yo."

"What're you doing here?" I ask. There's no way he could know I'm in the city.

"I should be asking you the same question." He leans comfortably against the chair. "Although I can only assume you have good reason for the risk, especially since you have been uncontactable for almost half a year."

"The laptop you gave me harboured corrupted software. I ditched it."

His eye grows, but within a second it's back to normal size. "My apologies. I'm assuming Gaara gave you something more suitable?"

I remain silent.

"I know he's helping you. Why else would you be in the city if you haven't touched base with me?"

I lift the cup to my lips.

"I am not particularly happy, but I trust he's loyal to our mission. And that's all that matters."

"We have files from Suna. He helped me obtain them, and we may have found something."

"Concrete?"

"We're unsure. That's why I'm here."

He nods, contemplating my words. "I did wonder if you were the reason I spent weeks doing damage control with the other organisation." When a female barista appears to take his order, he waves her away. "It's dangerous you being in Konoha. This better be worth it."

"You don't need to tell me." I lift the cup back to my lips, before placing it against the table within both hands, letting the warmth sink in. "If we can find something that pins this to Sarutobi, it will be over. I can come back. That alone is worth the risk."

"I understand what you've given up. But don't be reckless and rush this."

The muscles around my eyes tense. "Gaara arranged my return. He would not have done that if this wasn't necessary."

He leans closer. "From what I understand, Naruto is currently living with him. You need to be careful."

"I'm not an idiot."

His eye closes, and his back makes contact with his chair again. "No, you're right. That's why I entrusted you with this mission." He looks at me then. "I would not have gone to anyone else. Even at the academy, I knew you'd outrank the others." His eye squints again as he smiles. "Just, please, don't make me regret that decision."

"Thank you," I say, and he pauses mid-air. "For sticking to your word."

"It was part of our agreement. Of course I'd let him leave the organisation if he so wanted. You knew he would?"

Even from the beginning, Naruto only stayed for me. "He'd mentioned it."

"An agent who does not want to serve is useless. If he was unhappy, he wouldn't have survived long." His hand squeezes my shoulder, and with that, he leaves.

* * *

 **FOUR YEARS EARLIER**

* * *

Cold water ripped me back to consciousness. I gasped, unable to do anything but wriggle against the cuffs that cut into bloodied flesh. The liquid mixed with red and ran down my body, tickling as it sunk into the hem of my boxers.

"Welcome back."

How long had I been out? Probably not long, if my heavy eyes were anything to go by. My knees smacked against the bricks when he released my hands.

"Looks like we're going to have to step this up a few notches." His thumb and fingers grabbed my chin, hurting my neck as he yanked to meet his eyes. "You're pretty good at handling pain, I've watched you in class. So, I'm going to have to outdo myself." I tried to stand. I tried to walk as he dragged me, but my legs buckled until he threw me against the table. "Sit down."

I did as told, because really, what other choice did I have? And just like his first day at the academy, he examined the many shelves of every toy he could ever want. Sweat slid my neck, running across my naked back. How much longer was I going to be stuck here? I knew I was far from proving myself and ending the test. We had only just begun.

He twisted, just as he did on that first day, with kunai swinging as a revolver sat in his other hand. But that innocent grin didn't sit amongst his features this time. He wasn't going to attempt the same routine again, was he?

"I'm feeling almost nostalgic," he said, gripping the blade. And just like before, he ran the tip into my hand, more specifically, into the scar that had been left from last time. "Don't worry." He unslotted the revolver's chamber, letting the bullets bounce against the table. "We won't be doing the same." He plucked a bullet from the surface, and showed me as he placed it into the gun. "This time." He picked two more bullets, and randomly slotted them into place. "The gun is loaded." My lips parted. This was another game. It had to be. He was faking. Perhaps hoping the test would be called to an end? I hoped so.

The barrel sat between my eyes. "You know the score." His lips tilted. "I'm not going to kill you. But if you don't tell me what colour was on that card, I'm going to hurt you. Really, really bad."

My mind flashed back to a younger Gaara. Standing in front of me as a gun is placed into his hand.

He squeezed the trigger, and the click shocked me. "That chamber was empty. The next one isn't."

He wasn't bluffing. I could tell by the layer of sweat forming underneath his hairline. I tried to clear my thoughts - bury myself into a deeper layer of my mind. I'd been waiting for this. And so I did the only thing I could, I began suppressing my consciousness like we had been taught. I found it never really stopped the pain, but made it bearable.

"I'm only going to ask this once per shot. What colour was on that card?"

My limbs stiffened. I peered at the iron scented liquid soaking around my hand as the blood seeped from the knife. I shook against it, cutting the edge deeper into my flesh. At least that pain I could control – give me something else to focus on until-

An ear-piercing yell left my throat when a bullet lodged into my arm. The sound ricochetted off the walls, and my scream turned into gurgles as I fought off the liquid forming in my eyes.

I swallowed a lungful of air. It came out in shivering bursts, and I closed my eyes and mind off to the pain.

* * *

 **TEN YEARS EARLIER**

* * *

"This is our youngest, Sasuke," my mother said as I peeked out from her leg at the tall blond man and his daughter. My fingers clutched at her skirt, and when those large, blue eyes met mine, my cheeks heated and I looked at the floor.

"Hello, Sasuke," the man said, kneeling behind the girl. "This is Naru." He pushed the child forward lightly. "You're the same age. Why don't you say hello?"

"Hi," I muttered.

"Hi," the girl said back. She grinned, and I hid farther. "I hope we can be friends."

And we were. Instantly. We played for hours in my room, sometimes falling asleep, sometimes until early morning. We'd stolen a flash-light from Father's shed, feeling triumphant when we'd tricked our parents into thinking we were asleep. One day we built a forte out of bedsheets, and that's where we slept from then on, next to each other on the same pillow.

She liked my action-figures and would laugh when she made them kiss. I told her she was silly, but her grin never faded.

"Neh, Sasuke," she said one day as she walked them side-by-side.

"What?" I asked, eyes wide, wondering what she was doing as she hummed a slow song with a repeating melody.

"Mum and dad said when you get married, you get to be together forever." She placed the figures on my floor and scooted closer to whisper. "If we get married, I won't have to go. We can stay together."

I didn't want her to leave. Apart for my brother, I'd never known another kid. And in my childish mind it seemed like the perfect solution. "How do we do that?"

"With these." She pulled two daisy rings from her pocket. "My dad said they had a witness at their marriage."

"What's a witness?" I asked, poking at the dying flowers.

She shrugged. "Dad said their witness got very drunk. So it's someone who has to watch, and then they have to get very drunk."

My nose scrunched and I sat on my feet. "What's very drunk?"

"They have to drink lots of juice until they're sick." Her arms spread wide.

"Oh." I didn't know anything about getting married, but in my young mind, it seemed to make sense. "Okay." I stood and padded my socked feet across the bedroom floor to fling open my door. "'Tachi," I yelled.

A few moments later, he appeared. Whatever book he had been studying, still in hand as he smiled down at me. "Yes, Sasuke?"

"We need a witness," I said, matter-of-factly in my pre-pubescent voice.

"What for?" His head tilted, dark hair falling over his shoulder as he peered at Naru.

I took his hand, pulling him into the room so he didn't disappear again like usual. I tugged, and he folded his legs to sit upon my carpet, amusement in his eyes when he noted the linked daisies in the blonde's hand.

"You need to watch our marriage. Then get very drunk."

He blinked. "I need to do what?"

"You need to be our witness, then drink lots of juice until you're sick."

"Uh...huh..."

"Please, 'Tachi."

He sighed, chuckling lightly as he gestured a hand for us to proceed. "Okay, I'll be your witness."

Naru nodded, determination in that tiny, flawless face. "Okay. Um. Okay." Her cheeks tinged pink when she took my wrist, bringing my hand closer. "With this… With this ring, I pronounce you married." The small chain of daisies slipped onto my pinky finger. "Now you do the same." She passed me the other 'ring' and my little hand hesitated before grasping her wrist like she had mine. "With this ring, I pronounce you married." I slipped it onto her smallest finger and looked at Itachi, as if it was his turn to say something. I huffed when his shoulders shook.

"Now does 'Tachi drink juice?"

"Um… no," Naru said, fiddling with the flowers on her hand. "Now we kiss the bride."

"Kiss the bride?"

"Yes. Then you're married."

"Oh." It was no different to kissing Mother or Father. I leaned forward, but when Naru didn't do the same, I paused. She bit her lip lightly, before her throat bobbed. "Am I doing it wrong?"

"Uh… no… I..."

"I thought I had to kiss the bride?"

The pink in her cheeks flushed red. "Ye—yes." She shifted forward, closing the gap between our faces, and my lips tingled, not wanting to pull away. But eventually she did and turned to Itachi. "Okay, now you get drunk."

Forever didn't last long.

The next morning, Father and Naru's dad discussed their plans of leaving that afternoon. But we made our own plan. We were married now, so that meant we had to live together. Six hours later, Minato's face appeared from the tree-house's ladder. He grabbed her arm, dragging her back into the house. Two more hours passed, and they were gone.

I found long blonde hairs all over my room for months, and her daisy ring remained on my tree-house floor where it fell.

* * *

Chilled brick rested against my face, cheek wet from saliva as my body lay limp against the floor. My mouth hung open as I attempted deep, shallow breaths, and I stared at my little finger as my hand sat against the cold floor beside my face.

Blood seeped from the bullet wounds across my arm, torso and legs, and the gashes, bruises and burns littered my pale skin. I was dying, I was sure of it. My mind blurred in and out of consciousness. I gagged, before bringing up blood, tasting the warm iron across my tongue and teeth. There must've been serious internal damage, and for a moment, I wondered if Konoha could even fix me.

A knife clattered against the bricks, and my gaze shifted from my hand to his face when it appeared. He stared at the blood, at my body, and for a moment, I saw that familiar bright blue look in his eyes, and it was… worried. "Sasuke?" he said my name for the first time since entering. He stood. "Can't you see he needs help?"

No response.

His body left my view and his fist banged against the one-way glass. "Oi, can't you see he's fucking dying in here. What more can I physically do?" His strained voice gained no answer. Naruto hesitated, but when I coughed, almost dropping out of consciousness again, he moved to the shelves and grabbed something. His body waved like a mirage. "You know what, fuck this shit." Rope trailed behind him and he threw it over a hook in the ceiling. When he tied it around my neck, I attempted to move, to stop him, but I couldn't. My arms and legs had long since stopped functioning.

"Okay, Sasuke, one last chance. What was the colour on that card?" he asked, I saw his knees as he bent beside me, but his face never came into focus. "Right, I didn't think so." He stood, and my throat tightened as the rope lifted, bringing me with it. My feet hit against the ground before lifting completely into the air. Neji's body flashed across my mind. I used the last of my strength to claw at the rope, but it was too tight. I couldn't control my kicking legs, even when it caused the rope to tighten.

He tied it to the wall, not looking at me, and unlocked the door, slamming it closed as he left. The last thing I saw was Danzo and Baki running into the room, before everything went black.

* * *

The next couple days were a blur of doctors and morphine drips and white walls. But eventually I came round, to a dull ache in my stomach and a sharp pain in my arm as I pulled unknowingly at an IV. The pale, cream curtain remained closed, but I heard other students in beds around the room. It didn't take long to fall back into a drug-induced sleep.

A continuous beeping echoed through my mind, before beeping its way into reality. It sped up mildly as I awoke. Scrunching my face at the grogginess in my brain, I tried to lift my arm to rub against my eyes, but a heavy weight pinned it to the mattress. A blond head squashed against my palm. I winced at the effort I'd used and coughed.

"Hmm," Naruto woke, head lifting to blink sleep's remnants away. "Sasuke, you're awake."

"How long have I been out?" My throat burned with every word.

"Almost a week. You're the last student in the infirmary." His voice held a pang of guilt, but his eyes didn't shy away from mine.

I nodded, feeling a bruising pain around my neck. I brushed against it but he pulled my hand away. He'd moved slowly at first, as if to be careful with me, but when I didn't flinch, he wound his fingers between mine.

And that's how we sat, for what felt like an eternity. My hand rested against the white sheets as his hand rested in mine. His thumb rubbed against my skin, before his fingers played with my little one. Eventually a nurse swept the curtain to take my bloods and check the heart monitor, and he let go. She scribbled on a clipboard, before announcing food would be brought shortly and that I should eat. She left, heels clicking against the white, sterile flooring.

"You passed," Naruto's voice entered the silence. "I thought you'd want to know."

At least… it had all been worth it. His cross examining had made its way into my dreams. He may not have honestly meant to hurt me with his words, but they were twisting in my mind. Perhaps he was right. Maybe he knew me better than I knew myself. And I wondered if there was a way to change, to perhaps bring even a tiny piece of my old happiness back. It was flickering somewhere in background, now Naruto back in my life. Maybe he was the key.

Dark circles hung under his eyes, and his grey uniform sat creased against his body.

"What's the time?" I asked, voice raspy.

"It must be almost midnight."

"You should be in bed… I'm surprised they even let you stay this late." I shifted, dragging my body higher on the bed to lean against the hard, white pillow.

He shrugged. "They've let me stay every night. I don't think they wanted to physically drag me out, and I wasn't causing any problems, so-"

"You've been here every night?"

"Well, yeah. I had to go to class during the day, but I wanted to be here when you woke up."

I took his hand within my own. It was the first time I'd initiated it, but Naruto didn't seem to mind. He squeezed lightly back, before standing to place his lips against my forehead, but he didn't sit straight down. No, instead he hovered, face close to mine, as if asking permission to go farther. It felt like forever, him hovering above me, face inches from my own. My mind flashed back to my room when he'd kissed me and left so quickly I hadn't processed the action. The memory changed to when we were kids. Innocent, with no worries, no damage. And before I was even in control, my head tilted up. Again, like all those years ago, he hesitated, so I glided my fingers within those soft, blond locks to pull him down.

It was innocent, the kiss. No hungry lips, no swiping of tongues. Just him and me, my lips against his, and… peace. It was disturbed by my inability to hold down a cough, and the increased heart-monitor's beeps. Naruto pulled back, eyes focusing on my torso as his features morphed into worry.

"You had blood in your lungs," he said, sitting upon the uncomfortable fold-out chair. "Sasuke..." His eyebrows creased, and I knew the words about to escape.

"Don't."

"What?"

"Don't apologise. I said I'd forgive you, and I do." Because really, he'd been convincing, but none of it had been his fault. I'd accepted my fate before he had even enrolled at the academy. Anything he did was done. It was over. Never to be repeated. A few more written tests and I'd graduate.

He didn't apologise, and in fact, he never did. After that moment, we never spoke about it again. It had been a horrible situation, and ignoring it seemed to work just fine.

* * *

And just in case you missed it at the top:

I have been debating bringing Naruto's POV forward in future chapters. Starting from Sasuke's death. Let me know what you think?

Please let me know what you think of the chapter,

Ugawa


End file.
